[Rhodes22-list] How to Sing The Blues -- Joke

Thena Carville rhodes22-list@rhodes22.org
Fri, 9 Aug 2002 19:24:52 -0700


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Re: [Rhodes22-list] How to Sing The Blues -- JokeSlim,
Yeah, thinking about "croaking" definitely qualifies as a blues sort of =
thing....besides, frogs have such a lovely deep voice....
Thena


  ----- Original Message -----=20
  From: Steve Alm=20
  To: rhodes22-list@rhodes22.org=20
  Sent: Friday, August 09, 2002 1:33 PM
  Subject: Re: [Rhodes22-list] How to Sing The Blues -- Joke


  Thanks Thena.  How about this one:

  Woke up this morning, had bullfrogs on my mind
  When I woke up this morning I had bullfrogs on my mind
  Yes, I woke up this morning.......had bullfrogs on my mind.

  --David Bromberg

  I think the bullfrog is a fine blues critter.  Butterflies and blue =
jays are not, but a ladybug is.  :-)

  Slim=20

  On 8/9/02 11:11 AM, "Thena Carville" <thenacarville@worldnet.att.net> =
wrote:


    Dear Slim,
    glad to see you know all the classics....
    Thena
    ----- Original Message -----=20

      From: Steve Alm <mailto:salm@mn.rr.com> =20
      To: rhodes22-list@rhodes22.org=20
      Sent: Friday, August 09, 2002 1:25 AM
      Subject: Re: [Rhodes22-list] How to Sing The Blues -- Joke

      Not too far a stretch (reference to the gallows--a perfectly =
acceptable blues way to die) from the essential elements of the "Perfect =
Country Western Song" by David Allen Coe and Steve Goodman:

      I was drunk the day that Mom got out of prison,=20
      And I went to pick her up in the pourin' rain,
      But before I got to the station in my pickup truck,
      She got runned over by the damned ol' train.

      Slim  (Slim Chance and the Gamblers)

      On 8/8/02 9:04 PM, "G & D Barrera" <dbarrera@attbi.com> wrote:


        Bill
        =20
        Liked your run down and only have to offer, dogs.=20
        As in the famous blues tune:
        "My old yeller dog got run down by a train" 2X
        "Im gona git that train".
         Dogs can just be "dog", old blue, junkyard, mangy, shiftless, =
no good, toothless, etc.
        Muffy, Muffin, Snowflake, Suzie, and Snickers, or any name with =
a "II" or a "III" after it are not good names for a blues tune.
        Just my opinion.
        =20
        Glen
        =20
        =20
        ----- Original Message -----=20

          From: Bill Effros <mailto:bill@effros.com> =20
          To: R22 List <mailto:rhodes22-list@rhodes22.org> =20
          Sent: Thursday, August 08, 2002 11:10 AM
          Subject: [Rhodes22-list] How to Sing The Blues -- Joke

          1. Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning..."

          2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues.  =
Unless you
          stick something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good =
woman, with
          the meanest face in town."

          3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, =
repeat it.
          Then find something that rhymes...sort of: "Got a good woman =
with the
          meanest face in town.  Yes, I got a good woman with the =
meanest face in
          town.  Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher, and she weigh 500 =
pound."

          4. The Blues is not about choice.  You stuck in a ditch, you =
stuck in a
          ditch--ain't no way out.

          5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down =
trucks.  Blues
          don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles of any =
kind.
          Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound =
train.  Jet
          aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the =
running.
          Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle.  So does =
fixin' to
          die.

          6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues.  They ain't fixin' to die =
yet.
          Adults sing the Blues.  In Blues, "adulthood" means being old =
enough to
          get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

          7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or =
any place
          in Canada.  Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably =
just
          clinical depression.  Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are =
still the
          best places to have the Blues.  You cannot have the blues in =
any place
          that don't get rain.

          8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues.  A woman =
with male
          pattern baldness is.  Breaking your leg 'cause you were skiing =
is not
          the blues.  Breaking your leg escaping an outraged husband is.

          9. You can't have no Blues in a office or a shopping mall.  =
The lighting
          is wrong.  Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the =
dumpster.

          10. Good places for the Blues:
          a. highway
          b. jailhouse
          c. empty bed
          d. bottom of a whiskey glass

          11. Bad places for the Blues:
          a. Nordstrom's
          b. gallery openings
          c. Ivy League institutions
          d. golf courses

          12. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, =
'less you
          happen to be a old ethnic person, and you slept in it.

          13. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?
          Yes, if:
          a. you older than dirt
          b. you blind
          c. you shot a man in Memphis
          d. you can't be satisfied

          No, if:
          a. you have all your teeth
          b. you were once blind but now can see
          c. the man in Memphis lived
          d. you have a 401K or trust fund

          14. Blues is not a matter of color.  It's a matter of bad =
luck.  Tiger
          Woods cannot sing the blues.  Sonny Liston could.  Ugly white =
people
          also got a leg up on the blues.

          15. If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, =
it's the
          Blues.  Other acceptable Blues beverages are: a. cheap wine b. =
whiskey
          or bourbon c. muddy water d. nasty black coffee

          The following are NOT Blues beverages:
          a. Perrier
          b. Chardonnay
          c. Snapple
          d. Slim Fast

          16. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's =
a Blues
          death.  Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another =
Blues way to
          die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse and dying =
lonely on a
          broken down cot.  You can't have a Blues death if you die =
during a
          tennis match or while getting liposuction.

          17. Some Blues names for women:
          a. Sadie
          b. Big Mama
          c. Bessie
          d. Fat River Dumpling

          18. Some Blues names for men:
          a. Joe
          b. Willie
          c. Little Willie
          d. Big Willie

          19. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Buffy, and =
Heather can't
          sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

          20. Make your own Blues name Starter Kit:
          a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple,
          Lame,etc.)
          b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon,
          Lime, Kiwi, etc.) c. last name of President (Jefferson, =
Johnson,
          Fillmore, etc.)

          For example:
          Blind Lime Jefferson,
          Jakeleg Lemon Johnson or
          Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc.  (Well, maybe not "Kiwi.")

          21. I don't care how tragic your life: if you own a computer, =
you cannot
          sing the blues.








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<HTML><HEAD><TITLE>Re: [Rhodes22-list] How to Sing The Blues -- =
Joke</TITLE>
<META http-equiv=3DContent-Type content=3D"text/html; =
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<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>Slim,</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>Yeah, thinking about "croaking" =
definitely=20
qualifies as a blues sort of thing....besides, frogs have such a lovely =
deep=20
voice....</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>Thena</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
<BLOCKQUOTE=20
style=3D"PADDING-RIGHT: 0px; PADDING-LEFT: 5px; MARGIN-LEFT: 5px; =
BORDER-LEFT: #000000 2px solid; MARGIN-RIGHT: 0px">
  <DIV style=3D"FONT: 10pt arial">----- Original Message ----- </DIV>
  <DIV=20
  style=3D"BACKGROUND: #e4e4e4; FONT: 10pt arial; font-color: =
black"><B>From:</B>=20
  <A title=3Dsalm@mn.rr.com href=3D"mailto:salm@mn.rr.com">Steve Alm</A> =
</DIV>
  <DIV style=3D"FONT: 10pt arial"><B>To:</B> <A =
title=3Drhodes22-list@rhodes22.org=20
  =
href=3D"mailto:rhodes22-list@rhodes22.org">rhodes22-list@rhodes22.org</A>=
 </DIV>
  <DIV style=3D"FONT: 10pt arial"><B>Sent:</B> Friday, August 09, 2002 =
1:33=20
  PM</DIV>
  <DIV style=3D"FONT: 10pt arial"><B>Subject:</B> Re: [Rhodes22-list] =
How to Sing=20
  The Blues -- Joke</DIV>
  <DIV><BR></DIV><FONT face=3DVerdana>Thanks Thena. &nbsp;How about this =

  one:<BR><BR>Woke up this morning, had bullfrogs on my mind<BR>When I =
woke up=20
  this morning I had bullfrogs on my mind<BR>Yes, I woke up this=20
  morning.......had bullfrogs on my mind.<BR><BR>--David =
Bromberg<BR><BR>I think=20
  the bullfrog is a fine blues critter. &nbsp;Butterflies and blue jays =
are not,=20
  but a ladybug is. &nbsp;:-)<BR><BR>Slim <BR><BR>On 8/9/02 11:11 AM, =
"Thena=20
  Carville" &lt;thenacarville@worldnet.att.net&gt; wrote:<BR><BR></FONT>
  <BLOCKQUOTE><FONT size=3D2><FONT face=3DArial>Dear Slim,<BR>glad to =
see you know=20
    all the classics....<BR>Thena<BR></FONT></FONT><FONT =
face=3DVerdana>-----=20
    Original Message ----- <BR></FONT>
    <BLOCKQUOTE><FONT face=3DVerdana><B>From:</B> Steve Alm=20
      &lt;mailto:salm@mn.rr.com&gt; &nbsp;<BR><B>To:</B>=20
      rhodes22-list@rhodes22.org <BR><B>Sent:</B> Friday, August 09, =
2002 1:25=20
      AM<BR><B>Subject:</B> Re: [Rhodes22-list] How to Sing The Blues -- =

      Joke<BR><BR>Not too far a stretch (reference to the gallows--a =
perfectly=20
      acceptable blues way to die) from the essential elements of the =
=93Perfect=20
      Country Western Song=94 by David Allen Coe and Steve =
Goodman:<BR><BR>I was=20
      drunk the day that Mom got out of prison, <BR>And I went to pick =
her up in=20
      the pourin=92 rain,<BR>But before I got to the station in my =
pickup=20
      truck,<BR>She got runned over by the damned ol=92 =
train.<BR><BR>Slim=20
      &nbsp;(Slim Chance and the Gamblers)<BR><BR>On 8/8/02 9:04 PM, "G =
&amp; D=20
      Barrera" &lt;dbarrera@attbi.com&gt; wrote:<BR><BR></FONT>
      <BLOCKQUOTE><FONT face=3DVerdana>Bill<BR>&nbsp;<BR>Liked your run =
down and=20
        only have to offer, dogs. <BR>As in the famous blues =
tune:<BR>"My old=20
        yeller dog got run down by a train" 2X<BR>"Im gona git that=20
        train".<BR>&nbsp;Dogs can just be "dog", old blue, junkyard, =
mangy,=20
        shiftless, no good, toothless, etc.<BR>Muffy, Muffin, Snowflake, =
Suzie,=20
        and Snickers, or any name with a "II" or a "III" after it are =
not good=20
        names for a blues tune.<BR>Just my=20
        opinion.<BR>&nbsp;<BR>Glen<BR>&nbsp;<BR>&nbsp;<BR>----- Original =
Message=20
        ----- <BR></FONT>
        <BLOCKQUOTE><FONT face=3DVerdana><B>From:</B> Bill Effros=20
          &lt;mailto:bill@effros.com&gt; &nbsp;<BR><B>To:</B> R22 List=20
          &lt;mailto:rhodes22-list@rhodes22.org&gt; =
&nbsp;<BR><B>Sent:</B>=20
          Thursday, August 08, 2002 11:10 AM<BR><B>Subject:</B> =
[Rhodes22-list]=20
          How to Sing The Blues -- Joke<BR><BR></FONT><FONT=20
          face=3D"Times New Roman">1. Most Blues begin, "Woke up this=20
          morning..."<BR><BR>2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to =
begin the=20
          Blues. &nbsp;Unless you<BR>stick something nasty in the next =
line=20
          like, "I got a good woman, with<BR>the meanest face in=20
          town."<BR><BR>3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first =
line=20
          right, repeat it.<BR>Then find something that rhymes...sort =
of: "Got a=20
          good woman with the<BR>meanest face in town. &nbsp;Yes, I got =
a good=20
          woman with the meanest face in<BR>town. &nbsp;Got teeth like =
Margaret=20
          Thatcher, and she weigh 500 pound."<BR><BR>4. The Blues is not =
about=20
          choice. &nbsp;You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in =
a<BR>ditch--ain't no=20
          way out.<BR><BR>5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and=20
          broken-down trucks. &nbsp;Blues<BR>don't travel in Volvos, =
BMWs, or=20
          Sport Utility Vehicles of any kind.<BR>Most Blues =
transportation is a=20
          Greyhound bus or a southbound train. &nbsp;Jet<BR>aircraft and =

          state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the =
running.<BR>Walkin'=20
          plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. &nbsp;So does =
fixin'=20
          to<BR>die.<BR><BR>6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. =
&nbsp;They ain't=20
          fixin' to die yet.<BR>Adults sing the Blues. &nbsp;In Blues,=20
          "adulthood" means being old enough to<BR>get the electric =
chair if you=20
          shoot a man in Memphis.<BR><BR>7. Blues can take place in New =
York=20
          City but not in Hawaii or any place<BR>in Canada. &nbsp;Hard =
times in=20
          Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just<BR>clinical =
depression.=20
          &nbsp;Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still =
the<BR>best places=20
          to have the Blues. &nbsp;You cannot have the blues in any=20
          place<BR>that don't get rain.<BR><BR>8. A man with male =
pattern=20
          baldness ain't the blues. &nbsp;A woman with male<BR>pattern =
baldness=20
          is. &nbsp;Breaking your leg 'cause you were skiing is =
not<BR>the=20
          blues. &nbsp;Breaking your leg escaping an outraged husband=20
          is.<BR><BR>9. You can't have no Blues in a office or a =
shopping mall.=20
          &nbsp;The lighting<BR>is wrong. &nbsp;Go outside to the =
parking lot or=20
          sit by the dumpster.<BR><BR>10. Good places for the =
Blues:<BR>a.=20
          highway<BR>b. jailhouse<BR>c. empty bed<BR>d. bottom of a =
whiskey=20
          glass<BR><BR>11. Bad places for the Blues:<BR>a. =
Nordstrom's<BR>b.=20
          gallery openings<BR>c. Ivy League institutions<BR>d. golf=20
          courses<BR><BR>12. No one will believe it's the Blues if you =
wear a=20
          suit, 'less you<BR>happen to be a old ethnic person, and you =
slept in=20
          it.<BR><BR>13. Do you have the right to sing the =
Blues?<BR>Yes,=20
          if:<BR>a. you older than dirt<BR>b. you blind<BR>c. you shot a =
man in=20
          Memphis<BR>d. you can't be satisfied<BR><BR>No, if:<BR>a. you =
have all=20
          your teeth<BR>b. you were once blind but now can see<BR>c. the =
man in=20
          Memphis lived<BR>d. you have a 401K or trust fund<BR><BR>14. =
Blues is=20
          not a matter of color. &nbsp;It's a matter of bad luck.=20
          &nbsp;Tiger<BR>Woods cannot sing the blues. &nbsp;Sonny Liston =
could.=20
          &nbsp;Ugly white people<BR>also got a leg up on the =
blues.<BR><BR>15.=20
          If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, it's=20
          the<BR>Blues. &nbsp;Other acceptable Blues beverages are: a. =
cheap=20
          wine b. whiskey<BR>or bourbon c. muddy water d. nasty black=20
          coffee<BR><BR>The following are NOT Blues beverages:<BR>a.=20
          Perrier<BR>b. Chardonnay<BR>c. Snapple<BR>d. Slim =
Fast<BR><BR>16. If=20
          death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a=20
          Blues<BR>death. &nbsp;Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover =
is=20
          another Blues way to<BR>die. So is the electric chair, =
substance abuse=20
          and dying lonely on a<BR>broken down cot. &nbsp;You can't have =
a Blues=20
          death if you die during a<BR>tennis match or while getting=20
          liposuction.<BR><BR>17. Some Blues names for women:<BR>a. =
Sadie<BR>b.=20
          Big Mama<BR>c. Bessie<BR>d. Fat River Dumpling<BR><BR>18. Some =
Blues=20
          names for men:<BR>a. Joe<BR>b. Willie<BR>c. Little =
Willie<BR>d. Big=20
          Willie<BR><BR>19. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, =
Buffy, and=20
          Heather can't<BR>sing the Blues no matter how many men they =
shoot in=20
          Memphis.<BR><BR>20. Make your own Blues name Starter =
Kit:<BR>a. name=20
          of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple,<BR>Lame,etc.)<BR>b. =
first name=20
          (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon,<BR>Lime, Kiwi, etc.) c. =
last=20
          name of President (Jefferson, Johnson,<BR>Fillmore, =
etc.)<BR><BR>For=20
          example:<BR>Blind Lime Jefferson,<BR>Jakeleg Lemon Johnson=20
          or<BR>Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. &nbsp;(Well, maybe not=20
          "Kiwi.")<BR><BR>21. I don't care how tragic your life: if you =
own a=20
          computer, you cannot<BR>sing the blues.<BR><BR></FONT><FONT=20
          =
face=3DVerdana><BR><BR><BR></FONT></BLOCKQUOTE></BLOCKQUOTE></BLOCKQUOTE>=
</BLOCKQUOTE><FONT=20
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