[Rhodes22-list] How to Sing The Blues -- Joke
Thena Carville
rhodes22-list@rhodes22.org
Fri, 9 Aug 2002 19:24:52 -0700
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Re: [Rhodes22-list] How to Sing The Blues -- JokeSlim,
Yeah, thinking about "croaking" definitely qualifies as a blues sort of =
thing....besides, frogs have such a lovely deep voice....
Thena
----- Original Message -----=20
From: Steve Alm=20
To: rhodes22-list@rhodes22.org=20
Sent: Friday, August 09, 2002 1:33 PM
Subject: Re: [Rhodes22-list] How to Sing The Blues -- Joke
Thanks Thena. How about this one:
Woke up this morning, had bullfrogs on my mind
When I woke up this morning I had bullfrogs on my mind
Yes, I woke up this morning.......had bullfrogs on my mind.
--David Bromberg
I think the bullfrog is a fine blues critter. Butterflies and blue =
jays are not, but a ladybug is. :-)
Slim=20
On 8/9/02 11:11 AM, "Thena Carville" <thenacarville@worldnet.att.net> =
wrote:
Dear Slim,
glad to see you know all the classics....
Thena
----- Original Message -----=20
From: Steve Alm <mailto:salm@mn.rr.com> =20
To: rhodes22-list@rhodes22.org=20
Sent: Friday, August 09, 2002 1:25 AM
Subject: Re: [Rhodes22-list] How to Sing The Blues -- Joke
Not too far a stretch (reference to the gallows--a perfectly =
acceptable blues way to die) from the essential elements of the "Perfect =
Country Western Song" by David Allen Coe and Steve Goodman:
I was drunk the day that Mom got out of prison,=20
And I went to pick her up in the pourin' rain,
But before I got to the station in my pickup truck,
She got runned over by the damned ol' train.
Slim (Slim Chance and the Gamblers)
On 8/8/02 9:04 PM, "G & D Barrera" <dbarrera@attbi.com> wrote:
Bill
=20
Liked your run down and only have to offer, dogs.=20
As in the famous blues tune:
"My old yeller dog got run down by a train" 2X
"Im gona git that train".
Dogs can just be "dog", old blue, junkyard, mangy, shiftless, =
no good, toothless, etc.
Muffy, Muffin, Snowflake, Suzie, and Snickers, or any name with =
a "II" or a "III" after it are not good names for a blues tune.
Just my opinion.
=20
Glen
=20
=20
----- Original Message -----=20
From: Bill Effros <mailto:bill@effros.com> =20
To: R22 List <mailto:rhodes22-list@rhodes22.org> =20
Sent: Thursday, August 08, 2002 11:10 AM
Subject: [Rhodes22-list] How to Sing The Blues -- Joke
1. Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning..."
2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues. =
Unless you
stick something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good =
woman, with
the meanest face in town."
3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, =
repeat it.
Then find something that rhymes...sort of: "Got a good woman =
with the
meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the =
meanest face in
town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher, and she weigh 500 =
pound."
4. The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you =
stuck in a
ditch--ain't no way out.
5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down =
trucks. Blues
don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles of any =
kind.
Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound =
train. Jet
aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the =
running.
Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does =
fixin' to
die.
6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die =
yet.
Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old =
enough to
get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or =
any place
in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably =
just
clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are =
still the
best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in =
any place
that don't get rain.
8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman =
with male
pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg 'cause you were skiing =
is not
the blues. Breaking your leg escaping an outraged husband is.
9. You can't have no Blues in a office or a shopping mall. =
The lighting
is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the =
dumpster.
10. Good places for the Blues:
a. highway
b. jailhouse
c. empty bed
d. bottom of a whiskey glass
11. Bad places for the Blues:
a. Nordstrom's
b. gallery openings
c. Ivy League institutions
d. golf courses
12. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, =
'less you
happen to be a old ethnic person, and you slept in it.
13. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?
Yes, if:
a. you older than dirt
b. you blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis
d. you can't be satisfied
No, if:
a. you have all your teeth
b. you were once blind but now can see
c. the man in Memphis lived
d. you have a 401K or trust fund
14. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad =
luck. Tiger
Woods cannot sing the blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white =
people
also got a leg up on the blues.
15. If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, =
it's the
Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are: a. cheap wine b. =
whiskey
or bourbon c. muddy water d. nasty black coffee
The following are NOT Blues beverages:
a. Perrier
b. Chardonnay
c. Snapple
d. Slim Fast
16. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's =
a Blues
death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another =
Blues way to
die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse and dying =
lonely on a
broken down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die =
during a
tennis match or while getting liposuction.
17. Some Blues names for women:
a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie
d. Fat River Dumpling
18. Some Blues names for men:
a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Big Willie
19. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Buffy, and =
Heather can't
sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
20. Make your own Blues name Starter Kit:
a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple,
Lame,etc.)
b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon,
Lime, Kiwi, etc.) c. last name of President (Jefferson, =
Johnson,
Fillmore, etc.)
For example:
Blind Lime Jefferson,
Jakeleg Lemon Johnson or
Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not "Kiwi.")
21. I don't care how tragic your life: if you own a computer, =
you cannot
sing the blues.
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<HTML><HEAD><TITLE>Re: [Rhodes22-list] How to Sing The Blues -- =
Joke</TITLE>
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<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>Slim,</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>Yeah, thinking about "croaking" =
definitely=20
qualifies as a blues sort of thing....besides, frogs have such a lovely =
deep=20
voice....</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>Thena</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<BLOCKQUOTE=20
style=3D"PADDING-RIGHT: 0px; PADDING-LEFT: 5px; MARGIN-LEFT: 5px; =
BORDER-LEFT: #000000 2px solid; MARGIN-RIGHT: 0px">
<DIV style=3D"FONT: 10pt arial">----- Original Message ----- </DIV>
<DIV=20
style=3D"BACKGROUND: #e4e4e4; FONT: 10pt arial; font-color: =
black"><B>From:</B>=20
<A title=3Dsalm@mn.rr.com href=3D"mailto:salm@mn.rr.com">Steve Alm</A> =
</DIV>
<DIV style=3D"FONT: 10pt arial"><B>To:</B> <A =
title=3Drhodes22-list@rhodes22.org=20
=
href=3D"mailto:rhodes22-list@rhodes22.org">rhodes22-list@rhodes22.org</A>=
</DIV>
<DIV style=3D"FONT: 10pt arial"><B>Sent:</B> Friday, August 09, 2002 =
1:33=20
PM</DIV>
<DIV style=3D"FONT: 10pt arial"><B>Subject:</B> Re: [Rhodes22-list] =
How to Sing=20
The Blues -- Joke</DIV>
<DIV><BR></DIV><FONT face=3DVerdana>Thanks Thena. How about this =
one:<BR><BR>Woke up this morning, had bullfrogs on my mind<BR>When I =
woke up=20
this morning I had bullfrogs on my mind<BR>Yes, I woke up this=20
morning.......had bullfrogs on my mind.<BR><BR>--David =
Bromberg<BR><BR>I think=20
the bullfrog is a fine blues critter. Butterflies and blue jays =
are not,=20
but a ladybug is. :-)<BR><BR>Slim <BR><BR>On 8/9/02 11:11 AM, =
"Thena=20
Carville" <thenacarville@worldnet.att.net> wrote:<BR><BR></FONT>
<BLOCKQUOTE><FONT size=3D2><FONT face=3DArial>Dear Slim,<BR>glad to =
see you know=20
all the classics....<BR>Thena<BR></FONT></FONT><FONT =
face=3DVerdana>-----=20
Original Message ----- <BR></FONT>
<BLOCKQUOTE><FONT face=3DVerdana><B>From:</B> Steve Alm=20
<mailto:salm@mn.rr.com> <BR><B>To:</B>=20
rhodes22-list@rhodes22.org <BR><B>Sent:</B> Friday, August 09, =
2002 1:25=20
AM<BR><B>Subject:</B> Re: [Rhodes22-list] How to Sing The Blues -- =
Joke<BR><BR>Not too far a stretch (reference to the gallows--a =
perfectly=20
acceptable blues way to die) from the essential elements of the =
=93Perfect=20
Country Western Song=94 by David Allen Coe and Steve =
Goodman:<BR><BR>I was=20
drunk the day that Mom got out of prison, <BR>And I went to pick =
her up in=20
the pourin=92 rain,<BR>But before I got to the station in my =
pickup=20
truck,<BR>She got runned over by the damned ol=92 =
train.<BR><BR>Slim=20
(Slim Chance and the Gamblers)<BR><BR>On 8/8/02 9:04 PM, "G =
& D=20
Barrera" <dbarrera@attbi.com> wrote:<BR><BR></FONT>
<BLOCKQUOTE><FONT face=3DVerdana>Bill<BR> <BR>Liked your run =
down and=20
only have to offer, dogs. <BR>As in the famous blues =
tune:<BR>"My old=20
yeller dog got run down by a train" 2X<BR>"Im gona git that=20
train".<BR> Dogs can just be "dog", old blue, junkyard, =
mangy,=20
shiftless, no good, toothless, etc.<BR>Muffy, Muffin, Snowflake, =
Suzie,=20
and Snickers, or any name with a "II" or a "III" after it are =
not good=20
names for a blues tune.<BR>Just my=20
opinion.<BR> <BR>Glen<BR> <BR> <BR>----- Original =
Message=20
----- <BR></FONT>
<BLOCKQUOTE><FONT face=3DVerdana><B>From:</B> Bill Effros=20
<mailto:bill@effros.com> <BR><B>To:</B> R22 List=20
<mailto:rhodes22-list@rhodes22.org> =
<BR><B>Sent:</B>=20
Thursday, August 08, 2002 11:10 AM<BR><B>Subject:</B> =
[Rhodes22-list]=20
How to Sing The Blues -- Joke<BR><BR></FONT><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman">1. Most Blues begin, "Woke up this=20
morning..."<BR><BR>2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to =
begin the=20
Blues. Unless you<BR>stick something nasty in the next =
line=20
like, "I got a good woman, with<BR>the meanest face in=20
town."<BR><BR>3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first =
line=20
right, repeat it.<BR>Then find something that rhymes...sort =
of: "Got a=20
good woman with the<BR>meanest face in town. Yes, I got =
a good=20
woman with the meanest face in<BR>town. Got teeth like =
Margaret=20
Thatcher, and she weigh 500 pound."<BR><BR>4. The Blues is not =
about=20
choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in =
a<BR>ditch--ain't no=20
way out.<BR><BR>5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and=20
broken-down trucks. Blues<BR>don't travel in Volvos, =
BMWs, or=20
Sport Utility Vehicles of any kind.<BR>Most Blues =
transportation is a=20
Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet<BR>aircraft and =
state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the =
running.<BR>Walkin'=20
plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does =
fixin'=20
to<BR>die.<BR><BR>6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. =
They ain't=20
fixin' to die yet.<BR>Adults sing the Blues. In Blues,=20
"adulthood" means being old enough to<BR>get the electric =
chair if you=20
shoot a man in Memphis.<BR><BR>7. Blues can take place in New =
York=20
City but not in Hawaii or any place<BR>in Canada. Hard =
times in=20
Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just<BR>clinical =
depression.=20
Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still =
the<BR>best places=20
to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any=20
place<BR>that don't get rain.<BR><BR>8. A man with male =
pattern=20
baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male<BR>pattern =
baldness=20
is. Breaking your leg 'cause you were skiing is =
not<BR>the=20
blues. Breaking your leg escaping an outraged husband=20
is.<BR><BR>9. You can't have no Blues in a office or a =
shopping mall.=20
The lighting<BR>is wrong. Go outside to the =
parking lot or=20
sit by the dumpster.<BR><BR>10. Good places for the =
Blues:<BR>a.=20
highway<BR>b. jailhouse<BR>c. empty bed<BR>d. bottom of a =
whiskey=20
glass<BR><BR>11. Bad places for the Blues:<BR>a. =
Nordstrom's<BR>b.=20
gallery openings<BR>c. Ivy League institutions<BR>d. golf=20
courses<BR><BR>12. No one will believe it's the Blues if you =
wear a=20
suit, 'less you<BR>happen to be a old ethnic person, and you =
slept in=20
it.<BR><BR>13. Do you have the right to sing the =
Blues?<BR>Yes,=20
if:<BR>a. you older than dirt<BR>b. you blind<BR>c. you shot a =
man in=20
Memphis<BR>d. you can't be satisfied<BR><BR>No, if:<BR>a. you =
have all=20
your teeth<BR>b. you were once blind but now can see<BR>c. the =
man in=20
Memphis lived<BR>d. you have a 401K or trust fund<BR><BR>14. =
Blues is=20
not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck.=20
Tiger<BR>Woods cannot sing the blues. Sonny Liston =
could.=20
Ugly white people<BR>also got a leg up on the =
blues.<BR><BR>15.=20
If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, it's=20
the<BR>Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are: a. =
cheap=20
wine b. whiskey<BR>or bourbon c. muddy water d. nasty black=20
coffee<BR><BR>The following are NOT Blues beverages:<BR>a.=20
Perrier<BR>b. Chardonnay<BR>c. Snapple<BR>d. Slim =
Fast<BR><BR>16. If=20
death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a=20
Blues<BR>death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover =
is=20
another Blues way to<BR>die. So is the electric chair, =
substance abuse=20
and dying lonely on a<BR>broken down cot. You can't have =
a Blues=20
death if you die during a<BR>tennis match or while getting=20
liposuction.<BR><BR>17. Some Blues names for women:<BR>a. =
Sadie<BR>b.=20
Big Mama<BR>c. Bessie<BR>d. Fat River Dumpling<BR><BR>18. Some =
Blues=20
names for men:<BR>a. Joe<BR>b. Willie<BR>c. Little =
Willie<BR>d. Big=20
Willie<BR><BR>19. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, =
Buffy, and=20
Heather can't<BR>sing the Blues no matter how many men they =
shoot in=20
Memphis.<BR><BR>20. Make your own Blues name Starter =
Kit:<BR>a. name=20
of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple,<BR>Lame,etc.)<BR>b. =
first name=20
(see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon,<BR>Lime, Kiwi, etc.) c. =
last=20
name of President (Jefferson, Johnson,<BR>Fillmore, =
etc.)<BR><BR>For=20
example:<BR>Blind Lime Jefferson,<BR>Jakeleg Lemon Johnson=20
or<BR>Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not=20
"Kiwi.")<BR><BR>21. I don't care how tragic your life: if you =
own a=20
computer, you cannot<BR>sing the blues.<BR><BR></FONT><FONT=20
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face=3DVerdana><BR><BR><BR></FONT></BLOCKQUOTE></BLOCKQUOTE></BLOCKQUOTE>=
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