[Rhodes22-list] jokes

Fri, 23 Aug 2002 13:56:40 -0400

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A fire fighter is working on his fire engine outside the
station when he notices a little girl next door in a little
red wagon with little ladders hung off the side and a garden
hose tightly coiled in the middle. The girl is wearing a
fire fighter's helmet and has the wagon tied to a dog and
cat.

The fire fighter walks over to take a closer look. "That
sure is a nice fire truck." the fire fighter says with
admiration.

"Thanks," the girl says.

The fire fighter looks a little closer and notices the girl
has tied one rope from the wagon to the dog's collar and
another to the cat's testicles. "Little Partner," the fire
fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire
truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's
collar instead, I think you could go faster."

The little girl replied, "You're probably right mister, but
then I wouldn't have a siren."

- submitted by Kevin "Pool Shark" Haggerty

--
A couple has a male friend who's visiting from out-of-state,
when an unexpected blizzard blows in, and keeps him from
traveling. Since the couple has no guest room, he states his
intention to find a nearby hotel, and be on his way in the
morning.

"Nonsense," says the wife. "Our bed is plenty big enough for
all three of us, and we're all friends here." The husband
concurs, and before long they're settled in: husband in the
middle, wife on his left, friend on his right.

After a while, the husband begins snoring, and the wife
sneaks over to the friend's side of the bed, and invites him
to have sex with her. Naturally, he'd like to, but he's
reluctant. "We're in the same bed with your husband! He'll
wake up, and he'll kill me."

"Don't worry about it," she says, "he's such a sound
sleeper, he'll never notice. If you don't believe me, just
yank a hair off of his ass. He won't even wake up."

So the friend yanks a hair off the husband's ass, and sure
enough, she's right. Her husband sleeps right through having
a hair yanked out of his ass. So, she and the friend have
sex, and then she goes back to her side of the bed.

After about twenty minutes, though, she's back on his side
of the bed, asking him to do it again. The same argument
follows, another hair is yanked from the husband's ass, and
again they have sex. This keeps up for about half the night,
until after about the sixth time, when the wife goes back to
her side.

Then the husband rolls over, and whispers to his friend, "I
don't mind that you're shagging my wife, but do you really
have to use my ass as your scoreboard?"

- submitted by Jim Turner

--
Dr. Suess on 'THE GOLDEN YEARS

I cannot see I cannot pee
I cannot chew I cannot screw
Oh My God What can I do.

My memory shrinks My hearing stinks
No sense of smell I look like hell!
My mood is bad--can you tell?

My body's drooping Have trouble pooping
The Golden Years have come at last
The Golden Years can kiss my ass.

Dr. SUESS

- submitted by Chris Helin (Mumf note: makes me wonder what
he is reading to his kids!)

--
Secrets to a Happy Marriage from a Male Point of View

 1. It is important to find a woman that cooks and cleans.
 2. It is important to find a woman that makes good money.
 3. It is important to find a woman that likes to have sex.
 4. It is important that these three women never meet.

- submitted by Fred Frost

--
The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and
saw a honk if you love Jesus bumper sticker. I was feeling
particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a
thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer
meeting, so I bought the sticker and put in on my bumper.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just
lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is and I
didn't notice that the light had changed.

It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he
hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.

I found that LOTS of people love Jesus. Why, while I was
sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy,
and when he leaned out of his window and screamed, "for the
love of God, GO! GO!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was
for Jesus.

Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and
started waving and smiling at all these loving people.

I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love.
There must have been a man from Florida back there because I
heard him yelling something about a sunny beach...

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle
finger stuck up in the air. When I asked my teenage grandson
in the back seat what that meant, he said that it was
probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the
window and gave
him the good luck sign back.

My grandson burst out laughing, why even he was enjoying
this religious experience.

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the
moment that they got out of their cars and started walking
towards me.

I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but
this is when I noticed the light had changed.

So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and
drove on through the intersection.

I noticed I was the only car that got through the
intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind
of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had
shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window
and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time
as I drove away.

Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!

- submitted by Steve Halpin

--

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<DIV>A fire fighter is working on his fire engine outside the station =
when he=20
notices a little girl next door in a little red wagon with little =
ladders=20
hung off the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The =
girl is=20
wearing a fire fighter's helmet and has the wagon tied to a dog=20
and cat. The fire fighter walks over to take a closer look.=20
"That sure is a nice fire truck." the fire fighter says=20
with admiration. "Thanks," the girl says. The fire =
fighter=20
looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied one rope from the =
wagon=20
to the dog's collar and another to the cat's testicles. "Little =
Partner," the=20
fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your =
fire truck,=20
but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar instead, I =
think you=20
could go faster." The little girl replied, "You're probably right =
mister,=20
but then I wouldn't have a siren." - submitted by Kevin "Pool =
Shark"=20
Haggerty -- A couple has a male friend who's visiting from=20
out-of-state, when an unexpected blizzard blows in, and keeps him=20
from traveling. Since the couple has no guest room, he states=20
his intention to find a nearby hotel, and be on his way in=20
the morning. "Nonsense," says the wife. "Our bed is plenty big =
enough=20
for all three of us, and we're all friends here." The =
husband concurs, and=20
before long they're settled in: husband in the middle, wife on his =
left,=20
friend on his right. After a while, the husband begins snoring, =
and the=20
wife sneaks over to the friend's side of the bed, and invites =
him to have=20
sex with her. Naturally, he'd like to, but he's reluctant. "We're in =
the same=20
bed with your husband! He'll wake up, and he'll kill =
me." "Don't worry=20
about it," she says, "he's such a sound sleeper, he'll never notice. =
If you=20
don't believe me, just yank a hair off of his ass. He won't even wake =

up." So the friend yanks a hair off the husband's ass, and=20
sure enough, she's right. Her husband sleeps right through =
having a hair=20
yanked out of his ass. So, she and the friend have sex, and then she =
goes=20
back to her side of the bed. After about twenty minutes, though, =
she's=20
back on his side of the bed, asking him to do it again. The same=20
argument follows, another hair is yanked from the husband's ass, =
and again=20
they have sex. This keeps up for about half the night, until after =
about the=20
sixth time, when the wife goes back to her side. Then the =
husband=20
rolls over, and whispers to his friend, "I don't mind that you're =
shagging my=20
wife, but do you really have to use my ass as your =
scoreboard?" -=20
submitted by Jim Turner -- Dr. Suess on 'THE GOLDEN =
YEARS I=20
cannot see I cannot pee I cannot chew I cannot screw Oh My God =
What can I=20
do. My memory shrinks My hearing stinks No sense of smell I =
look like=20
hell! My mood is bad--can you tell? My body's drooping Have =
trouble=20
pooping The Golden Years have come at last The Golden Years can =
kiss my=20
ass. Dr. SUESS - submitted by Chris Helin (Mumf note: =
makes me=20
wonder what he is reading to his kids!) -- Secrets to a =
Happy=20
Marriage from a Male Point of View &nbsp;1. It is important to =
find a=20
woman that cooks and cleans. &nbsp;2. It is important to find a woman =
that=20
makes good money. &nbsp;3. It is important to find a woman that likes =
to have=20
sex. &nbsp;4. It is important that these three women never =
meet. -=20
submitted by Fred Frost -- The other day I went up to a local=20
Christian bookstore and saw a honk if you love Jesus bumper sticker. =
I was=20
feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from=20
a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous =
prayer meeting, so=20
I bought the sticker and put in on my bumper. I was stopped at a =
red=20
light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and =
how=20
good He is and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It =
is a=20
good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd =
never=20
have noticed. I found that LOTS of people love Jesus. Why, while =
I=20
was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and =
when he=20
leaned out of his window and screamed, "for the love of God, GO! GO!" =
What an=20
exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus. Everyone started =
honking! I=20
just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all =
these=20
loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the=20
love. There must have been a man from Florida back there because =
I heard=20
him yelling something about a sunny beach... I saw another guy =
waving in=20
a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. When I =
asked my=20
teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, he said that it=20
was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, =
I've never=20
met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him =
the good=20
luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing, why even he was=20
enjoying this religious experience. A couple of the people =
were so=20
caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars =
and=20
started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask =
what=20
church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had=20
changed. So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning,=20
and drove on through the intersection. I noticed I was the =
only car=20
that got through the intersection before the light changed again and =
I felt=20
kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we =
had shared, so=20
I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the =

Hawaiian good luck sign one last time<BR>as I drove away.<BR><BR>Praise =
the Lord=20
for such wonderful folks!<BR><BR>- submitted by Steve=20
Halpin<BR><BR>--<BR></DIV></BODY></HTML>

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