[Rhodes22-list] a lot of jokes, pictures and halloween stuff

[Wally Buck]

MJM,


"ChristiansForCannabis " , I think I have heard of these guys, AKA the 
Northern Baptists, a spin off sect of the Rastafarians (sp?).

Can Southern heathens join? <<bloodshotgrin>>

Wally




>From: "Michael Meltzer" <mjm@michaelmeltzer.com>
>Reply-To: The Rhodes 22 mail list <rhodes22-list@rhodes22.org>
>To: <rhodes22-list@rhodes22.org>
>Subject: [Rhodes22-list] a lot of jokes, pictures and halloween stuff Date: 
>Thu, 31 Oct 2002 09:28:40 -0500
>
>--
>ChristiansForCannabis believe that the laws that prohibit
>the possession, use and cultivation of marijuana/cannabis
>are immoral and unjust and the Christian support of these
>laws to be in violation of God's word. We base our position
>on: the inerrancy of the Bible; God's creatorship of the
>earth and all that is in it, including the seed bearing
>plant we call cannabis or marijuana; Jesus's commands to not
>judge anything before the appointed time and to love as he
>loved; and how love does no harm to its neighbor.
>
>Our mission is to educate the Christian community concerning
>the scriptural invalidity of the war on drugs, provide
>reliable resources of information for them to explore the
>issue and learn the facts, encourage Christian cannabis
>users to become more active in the work of repealing the
>laws, and to provide encouragement, support and prayer for
>the subculture as a whole and those that work on its behalf.
>
>Woe to those who make unjust laws, to those who issue
>oppressive decrees, to deprive the poor of their rights and
>withhold justice from the oppressed of my people, making
>widows their prey and robbing the fatherless.
>Isaiah 10:1-2
>
>But instead, one brother goes to law against another--and
>this in front of unbelievers! The very fact that you have
>lawsuits among you means you have been completely defeated
>already. Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be
>cheated? Instead, you yourselves cheat and do wrong, and you
>do this to your brothers.
>I Corinthians 6:6-8
>
>So then, men ought to regard us as servants of Christ and as
>those entrusted with the secret things of God. Now it is
>required that those who have been given a trust must prove
>faithful. I care very little if I am judged by you or by any
>human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. My
>conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It
>is the Lord who judges me. Therefore judge nothing before
>the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring
>to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the
>motives of men's hearts. At that time each will receive his
>praise from God.
>1 Corinthians 4:1-5
>
>"Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. Do not judge,
>and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not
>be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and
>it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down,
>shaken together and running over, will be poured into your
>lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to
>you."
>Luke 6:36-38
>
>Do not plot harm against your neighbor, who lives trustfully
>near you. Do not accuse a man for no reason- when he has
>done you no harm.
>Proverbs 3:29-30
>
>Then God said, "Let the land produce vegetation:
>seed-bearing plants and trees on the land that bear fruit
>with seed in it, according to their various kinds." And it
>was so. The land produced vegetation: plants bearing seed
>according to their kinds and trees bearing fruit with seed
>in it according to their kinds. And God saw that it was
>good. And there was evening, and there was morning-the third
>day.
>Genesis 1:11-13
>
>Then God said, "I give you every seed-bearing plant on the
>face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with
>seed in it. They will be yours for food. And to all the
>beasts of the earth and all the birds of the air and all the
>creatures that move on the ground-everything that has the
>breath of life in it-I give every green plant for food." And
>it was so. God saw all that he had made, and it was very
>good. And there was evening, and there was morning-the sixth
>day.
>Genesis 1:29-31
>
>For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be
>rejected if it is received with thanksgiving...
>I Timothy 4:4
>
>(for more information on this, go to:
>http://www.christiansforcannabis.com)
>
>- from Jay Pocius (Mumf note: and endorsed by most people I
>know!)
>
>--
>http://doody36.home.attbi.com/liberty.htm
>
>- from Corrine Garneau
>
>--
>Last Friday, the Oprah show covered a story of a Nigerian
>woman, Amina Lawal, who has been sentenced to death by
>stoning because she had a baby out of wedlock. She has tried
>to appeal the decision but has been unsuccessful, thus far.
>The head of Nigeria disagrees with these stoning but has so
>far done nothing-partly because of the fear of not being
>re-elected. I should also note that the father of the baby
>denied fathering the child and, hence, has escaped any form
>of punishment.
>
>Amina Lawal's stoning will occur as soon as she is finished
>nursing her child. She will be buried up to her neck in dirt
>and townsmen will throw stones at her head until they kill
>her-which has been known to take hours. I send out a plea to
>all the women receiving this e-mail and to all the men
>raised by women to join me and many others to help prevent
>this horrific and inhumane event from occurring.
>
>All you have to do is visit the Oprah website: www.oprah.com
>
>Click on the Amina Lawal pop up screen and you will see a
>prewritten letter addressed to the Nigerian Ambassador. Just
>fill out your information on the bottom of the page and send
>it. It's as simple as that.
>
>- from Sue Greene
>
>--
>OSLO (Reuters) - Keiko the killer whale, star of the "Free
>Willy" movie, has turned up in a narrow Norwegian fjord,
>where he has made a splash with the locals.
>The 10-meter- (30-foot-) long whale, released into the wild
>just six weeks ago, even allowed children to ride on his
>back as he put on a display for them, showing he is the same
>playful orca in real life as on screen.
>
>Keiko showed up in western Norway after swimming some 1,400
>km (870 miles) from an Icelandic sea pen following his
>release in July. He was spotted in the fjord Sunday by two
>12-year-olds fishing in a small rowboat.
>
>"After the children spotted him, he popped up just a meter
>(yard) away from the boat. At first, we got scared and sped
>up to get to land, but then we realized he just wanted to
>play," Arild Birger Neshaug, 35, father of one of the
>children, told Reuters Tuesday.
>
>Keiko was captured near Iceland as a young calf and
>performed in marine amusement parks in Canada and Mexico for
>almost 20 years.
>
>He was returned to Iceland in 1998 after people saw him as
>the captive whale in the 1993 movie "Free Willy" and
>campaigned for him to go home. Millions of dollars have
>since been spent on preparing him for life in the wild.
>
>"He swam alongside and under our boat all the way to land
>and stayed with us in the harbor all day and all night,"
>said Neshaug. "It seemed like he was seeking human contact."
>
>Neshaug said his children and their friends later swam with
>and petted Keiko and even climbed on his back. At night, he
>said the family could hear the whale breathing in the
>Skaalvik fjord just outside their holiday home.
>
>He said although he had heard stories about killer whale
>attacks he was not worried about his children's safety
>because Keiko "seemed so trusting and kind."
>
>A monitoring team, which has tracked Keiko since he left
>Iceland, confirmed the whale was the "Free Willy" star.
>
>Norway is among a handful of countries that hunts whales,
>however, it only kills the minke whale.
>
>- from Jay Pocius
>
>--
>Did You Know?
>
>o Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray
>blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're
>there.
>o Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at
>least 6 feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles
>resulting from the flush.
>o The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a
>substitute for blood plasma.
>o No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times.
>o Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.
>(Mumf query: from what we've learned lately about Iraq and
>Afghanistan, do you think it's because they don't have cars?
>I mean, think of all the accidents they must have -- no turn
>signals, no tail lights!)
>o You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching
>television. (Mumf note: not if you watch those late night
>shows... can you say, "whacka whacka whacka"? I knew you
>could!)
>o Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty years
>of age or older. (Mumf note: Mark, let's kill that old
>bastard in the back yard!)
>o The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.
>o A Boeing 747's wingspan is longer than the Wright
>brother's first flight.
>o Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
>o Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up
>in the morning.
>o Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.
>o Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than
>all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined. (Mumf
>note: well, DUHH! he's better at basketball!)
>o Pearls melt in vinegar.
>o The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro,
>Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.
>o A duck's quack doesn't echo and no one knows why. (Mumf
>note: my brother, Check, knows why -- he's just not
>tellin'!)
>o Turtles can breathe through their butts.
>
>Now, you know everything there is to know.
>
>- from Gary Savage
>
>--
>http://www3.quantumlynx.com/barontech/list/sayit.swf
>
>++
>Recent research shows that there are five kinds of sex.
>
>The first kind of sex is Smurf Sex. This kind of sex happens
>when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you
>are blue in the face.
>
>The second kind of sex is Kitchen Sex. This is when you have
>been with your partner for a short time and you are so horny
>you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.
>
>The third kind of sex is Bedroom Sex. This is when you have
>been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten
>routine and you usually have sex in your bedroom.
>
>The fourth kind of sex is Hallway Sex. This is when you have
>been with your partner for too long. When you pass each
>other in the hallway you both say "Fuck You".
>
>The fifth kind of sex is Courtroom Sex. This is when you
>cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and
>screws you in front of everyone.
>
>++
>Inside me, there's a thin woman trying to get out... but I
>can usually shut the Bitch up with chocolate.
>
>- from Corrine Garneau
>
>--
>BUMPER STICKERS
>
>  1. Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks you're an
>asshole.
>  2. Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings."
>  3. The proctologist called -- they found your head.
>  4. Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have
>film.
>  5. Some people are only alive because it is illegal to
>shoot them.
>  6. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
>  7. WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
>  8. Hang up and drive.
>  9. If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue
>you!
>10. Heart Attacks... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal
>Friends.
>11. Try not to let your mind wander. It is too small to be
>out by itself.
>12. Don't like my driving? Then quit watching me.
>13. Guys, just because you have one, doesn't mean you have
>to be one.
>
>AND THE BEST ONE:
>
>14. Welcome to America... Now speak English.
>
>- from Jay Pocius
>
>--
>www.dancingbush.com/
>
>- from Sara "I Wish it was Cool in Arizona" Fleming
>
>--
>Dear Abby:
>
>I have been engaged for almost a year. I am to be married
>next month. My fiancé's mother is not only very attractive
>but really great and understanding. She is putting the
>entire wedding together and invited me to her place to go
>over the invitation list because it had grown a bit beyond
>what we had expected it to be.
>
>When I got to her place we reviewed the list and trimmed it
>down to just under a hundred... then she floored me. She
>said that in a month I would be a married man and that
>before that happened, she wanted to have sex with me. Then
>she just stood up and walked to her bedroom and on her way
>said that I knew where the front door was if I wanted to
>leave.
>
>I stood there for about five minutes and finally decided
>that I knew exactly how to deal with this situation. I
>headed straight out the front door...
>
>... And, there, leaning against my car was her husband, my
>father-in-law to be. He was smiling. He explained that they
>just wanted to be sure I was a good kid and would be true to
>their little girl. I shook his hand and he congratulated me
>on passing their little test.
>
>Abby, should I tell my fiancé what her parents did, and that
>I thought their "little test" was asinine and insulting to
>my character? Or should I keep the whole thing to myself
>including the fact that the reason I was walking out to my
>car was to get a condom?
>
>- from Kevin "I Also Don't Play Pool Anymore" Haggerty
>
>--
>(Mumf note: this one is dedicated to my sister-in-law -- no,
>not my wife; I live with her!)
>
>A guy went into a store and told the clerk, "I'd like some
>Polish sausage."
>
>"Are you Polish?" asked the clerk.
>
>"Well, yes I am." The guy was clearly offended. He went on.
>"But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian
>sausage would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked
>for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or
>if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was
>Jewish? Or if I had asked for a taco would you ask if I was
>Mexican? Would ya, huh? Would ya?"
>
>"Well, no," politely replied the clerk.
>
>"Well, all right then," the guy insisted with deep
>self-righteous indignation, "so why did you ask me if I'm
>Polish just because I ask for Polish sausage?"
>
>"Because this is Home Depot," gently explained the clerk.
>
>- submitted by Carol Bagshaw
>Mumf note: another classic!)
>
>Dear Mr. DeVries:
>
>It has come to the attention of the Department of
>Environmental Quality that there has been recent
>unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of
>property. You have been certified as the legal landowner
>and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized
>activity: Construction and maintenance of two wood debris
>dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.
>
>A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of
>activity. A review of the Department's files shows that no
>permits have been issued.
>
>Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity
>is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of
>the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act
>451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to
>324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.
>
>The Department has been informed that one or both of the
>dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing
>debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that
>dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be
>permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and
>desist all activities at this location, and to restore the
>stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and
>brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All
>restoration work shall be completed no later than January
>31, 2002.
>
>Please notify this office when the restoration has been
>completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be
>scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request
>or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result
>in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action.
>
>We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in
>this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office
>if you have any questions.
>
>Sincerely, David L. Price
>District Representative Land and Water Management Division
>
>
>This is the actual response sent back:
>
>Dear Mr. Price,
>
>Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm
>County.
>
>Your certified letter dated 12/17/97 has been handed to me
>to respond to. I am the legal landowner but not the
>Contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan. A couple of
>beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of
>constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across
>the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay
>for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think
>they would be highly offended that you call their skillful
>use of natures building materials "debris." I would like to
>challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam
>project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I
>can safely state there is no way you could ever match their
>dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity,
>their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their
>dam work ethic.
>
>As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware
>that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the
>start of this type of dam activity.
>
>My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to
>discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers or (2) do you
>require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said
>dam request? If you are not discriminating against these
>particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act,
>I request completed copies of all those other applicable
>beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will
>see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland
>Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental
>Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being
>sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled
>Laws, annotated.
>
>I have several concerns. My first concern is -- aren't the
>beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond
>Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for
>said representation-so the State will have to provide them
>with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that
>either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain
>event causing flooding is proof that this is a natural
>occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In
>other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone
>rather than harassing them and calling their dam names. If
>you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition
>please contact the beavers, but if you are going to arrest
>them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam
>letter they being unable to read English. In my humble
>opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their
>unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is
>green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights
>than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department
>of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up
>to its name, it should protect the natural resources
>(Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).
>
>So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case
>can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right
>now. Why wait until 1/31/2002?
>
>The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and
>there will be no way for you or your dam staff to
>contact/harass them then. In conclusion, I would like to
>bring to your attention to a real environmental quality
>(health) problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are
>actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you
>should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the
>beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver
>dam, watch your step! (The bears are not careful where they
>dump!)
>
>Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being
>unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am
>sending this response to your dam office.
>
>++
>A philosophy professor stood before his class with some
>items on the table in front of him. When the class began,
>wordlessly he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise
>jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, about 2" in
>diameter.
>
>He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed
>that it was.
>
>So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured
>them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of
>course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks.
>
>He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They
>agreed it was.
>
>The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the
>jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
>
>He then asked once more if the jar was full. The students
>responded with a unanimous "Yes."
>
>The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the
>table and proceeded to pour their entire contents into the
>jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.
>The students laughed.
>
>"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want
>you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The
>rocks are the important things - your family, your partner,
>your health, and your children - things that if everything
>else was lost and only they remained, your life would still
>be full.
>
>"The pebbles are the other things that matter - like your
>job, your house, and your car. The sand is everything else.
>The small stuff.
>
>"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued,
>"there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same
>goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on
>the small stuff, you will never have room for the things
>that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that
>are critical to your happiness. Play with your children.
>Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out
>dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the
>house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal.
>
>"Take care of the rocks first - the things that really
>matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."
>
>One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the
>beer represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked.
>It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life
>may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers."
>
>- from Chris Helin
>
>--
>INTERNET woman: woman is difficult to access.
>
>SERVER woman: always busy when you need her.
>
>WINDOWS woman: everyone knows that she can't do a thing
>right, but no one can live without her.
>
>EXCEL woman: they say that she can do a lot of things but
>you mostly use her for your basic needs.
>
>DOS woman: everyone had her at least once, but no one wants
>her anymore.
>
>VIRUS woman: also known as 'wife'; when you are not
>expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your
>resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose
>something, if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose
>everything.
>
>SCREENSAVER woman: she is not worth for anything, but at
>least she is fun!
>
>RAM woman: she forgets everything you say when you
>disconnect her.
>
>HARD DISK woman (AKA "WIFE"): she remembers everything,
>FOREVER!
>
>MULTIMEDIA woman: she makes horrible things look beautiful.
>
>USER woman: she messes up everything she does and she asks
>always more than she needs.
>
>CD-ROM woman: she is always faster and faster.
>
>e-MAIL woman: every ten things she says, eight are bullshit.
>
>- from Srinivas "FUCK SRINI!!!" Yalavarthy
>
>--
>Why Athletes Don't Have Real Jobs:
>
>Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model:
>"I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I
>wan' all the kids to copulate me."
>
>New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the
>upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards,
>whichever comes first."
>
>And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skins say: "I'd run
>over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of
>the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."
>
>Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach,
>John Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear
>earrings."
>
>Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann, 1996:
>"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a
>guy like Norman Einstein."
>
>Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh:
>"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it
>takes." (now that is beautiful)
>
>Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys
>line up alphabetically by height." And, "You guys pair up in
>groups of three, then line up in a circle."
>
>Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with
>promoter Don King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out
>smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."
>
>Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he
>keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so
>when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my
>clothes."
>
>Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training
>regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up
>at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it
>is."
>
>Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player,
>explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at
>practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if
>I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt." (I wonder if his
>IQ ever hit room temperature in January?)
>
>Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting
>what he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son,
>looks to me like you're spending too much time on one
>subject."
>
>Amarillo High School and Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked
>by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips,
>Phillips responded: "Because she is too damn ugly to kiss
>good-bye."
>
>- from Chris Strangio
>
>--
>(Mumf note: word is that the following incident happened at
>a recent Mary Kay Cosmetics convention...)
>
>A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a
>question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he
>accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does,
>his elbow goes into her breast.
>
>They are both startled and he says, "Ma'am, if your heart is
>as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
>
>She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in
>room 1221."
>
>_________________________________________________
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