[Rhodes22-list] jokes

[Michael Meltzer]

Unable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son
who lived far away called his brother and told him, "Do
something nice for Dad and send me the bill."

Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next
month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also
paid, figuring it was some incidental expense.

Bills for $200.00 kept arriving every month, and finally
the man called his brother again to find out what was
going on.

"Well," said the other brother, "you said to do something
nice for Dad. So I rented him a tuxedo."

--
There's this couple and they've just been married. The man
says to the wife, "I'm go'in hunting."

She says, "Oh no your not, we are married now."

The husband says to himself, "I've got to figure out a way
to go hunting." So, he goes out and buys his wife all this
hunting equipment and gives it to his wife, so they can go
hunting together.

They finally go one weekend and the hunter puts his wife
in the deer-stand and says, "Only shoot when you see a
deer."

She replies, "OK." So the hunter goes off to his stand and
is hoping that the wife doesn't accidentally shoot
herself. Suddenly, he hears a gun shot and quickly runs to
find his wife.

He looks up in the deer stand and does not see her, so he
looks around and sees his wife poised and waiting to shoot
this poor man who is scared out of his mind. The hunter
says, "Honey, what are you doing?"

The man says, "Look mister, if she says it is her deer
then it is, just let me take my saddle off of it first."

--
A man was bragging about his sister who disguised herself,
as a man and joined the army.

"But, wait a minute," said the listener, "She'll have to
dress with the boys and shower with them too. Won't she?"

"Sure," replied the man.

"Well, won't they find out?"

"And who's gonna tell?"

--
(Mumf note: this next one was populraized by Eddie Murphy
in the barbershop scene at the end of "Coming to America")

After his recent stay in the hospital, Pa was particularly
irritable, especially regarding food. At a nearby
restaurant he stopped for a quick meal and the waiter
provided a bowl of soup.

As the waiter turned away to return to the kitchen Pa
stopped him, calling: "Waiter!"

"Yes ,sir, is there something wrong?"

"The soup. Taste it," replied Pa.

"I beg your pardon, Sir?"

"Taste it."

"But, Sir, I can assure you that the soup is excellent."

"Taste it," Pa persisted.

"Sir, the soup was made this morning of the finest
ingredients."

"Taste it!"

The exasperated waiter finally relented. "All right, Sir,
I'll taste it." Then after a pause he said, "Where is the
spoon?"

To which Pa replied triumphantly, "Ah ha ... "

--
A little old lady, who lived on the third floor of a
boardinghouse, broke her leg. As the doctor put a cast on
it, he warned her not to climb any stairs. Several months
later, the doctor took off the cast.
"Can I climb stairs now?" asked the little old lady.
"Yes," he replied.

"Thank goodness!" she said. "I'm sick and tired of
shinnying up and down that drainpipe!"

--
A Vic Tanny graduate was boasting about his strength and
went on about it for some time. A gardener overheard and
made him this offer, "Tell you what. I'll bet you $25 I
can wheel a load in this wheelbarrow over there to the
other side of the street that you can't wheel back."

"You're on," said Mr. Motormouth. "What's your load going
to be?"

"Get in," said the gardener.

--
A city slicker moves to the country and decides he's going
to take up farming. He heads to the local co-op and tells
the man, "Give me 100 baby chickens." The co-op man
complies.

A week later the man returns and says, "Give me 200 baby
chickens." The co-op man complies.

Again, a week later the man returns. This time he says,
"Give me 500 baby chickens." "Wow!" the co-op man replies,
"You must really be doing well!"

"Naw," said the man with a sigh, "I'm either planting them
too deep or too far apart!"

--