[Rhodes22-list] jokes

[Michael Meltzer]

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson to his bed.
> >

> > "Grandson I wanna you lissin to me.  I want for you to take my > chrome-plated. > > 38 revolver so you will always remember me." 

 

"But grandpa I really don't > like > > guns.  How about you leaving me your Rolex watch instead?"

> >

> > "You lissin a to me.  Soma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna > have > > a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big home and maybe a couple of bambino. > > Soma day you gonna coma home and maybe finda you wife in bed with another > > man.  What do you do than?  Point to you watch and say TIMES UP?"

> >

from Jimi Pocius

 

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An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other. He says to the waiter, "Me want coffee." 

The waiter says, "Sure chief, coming right up." 


He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee, and the Indian drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket of manure, throws it into the air, blasts it with the shotgun, then just walks out. 

The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand and a bucket of manure in the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Me want coffee." 

The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto. We're still cleaning up your mess from the last time you were here. What the heck was all that about, anyway"? 

"Me in training for upper management position. Come in, drink coffee, shoot the shit, and disappear for rest of day." 

 

from Peter Kent, who resembles this remark

 

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(Mumf note: this next one is sooo true!)

 

"If you have trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done."

-- Scott Adams

 

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Each year the Washington Post's Style Invitational asks readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing only one letter and to supply a new definition. Here are the 2002 winners:

 

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

Giraffiti: Vandalism painted very, very high.

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit).

Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

Glibido: All talk and no action.

Dopeer Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

 

And, the winner of the Washington Post's Style Invitational:

 

Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole

 

from Sandy Fraser

 

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ETHICAL QUESTION:

In light of the news of the so-called human cloning going on, we have to ask ourselves the hypothetical question. If you pushed your naked clone off the top of a tall building, would it be: A ) murder, B ) suicide, or C ) merely making an obscene clone fall.

 

 from Carol Bagshaw



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