[Rhodes22-list] jokes

[Michael Meltzer]

An old Cherokee chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking the
ceremonial pipe, eyeing the US government officials sent to interview him.

"Chief Two Eagles," one official began, "you have observed the white man for
90 years. You have observed his wars and his material wealth. You have seen
his progress and the damage he has done."

The Chief nodded that it was so.

The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion,
where did the white man go wrong?"

The Chief stared at the government officials for over a minute, and calmly
replied: "When white man found the land, Indians were running it. No
taxes... No debt... Plenty buffalo... Plenty beaver... Women did all the
work... Medicine man free... Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing,
all night making love to women".

Chief leaned back and smiled, "white man dumb enough to think he could
improve system like that."

 - from Jimi Pocius

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Leaving a bayou in Southern Louisiana well known for its fishing, a Cajun
was stopped by a game warden. The game warden pulled along side the Cajun's
boat and noticed two ice chests full of fish.

"Do you have a license to catch those fish?" the game warden asked "Naw, ma'
fren, I ain't got none of dem, no. Dese here are ma' pet fish," the Cajun
proudly replied.

"Pet fish?!" the warden said.

"You betcha pet fish," said the Cajun. "Avery night I take ma' pet fish down
to de bayou and let dem swim 'round for a while, and when I think dey had
enough swimmin' for da evenin' den I whistle and dey jump rat back into dese
here ice chests and I take dem home."

"That's a bunch of bull, fish can't do that!" the warden demanded.
The Cajun looked at the game warden and said, "It's de truth, ma' fren.

Here, I'll show you." So the Cajun carefully picked up each of the two ice
chests, gently poured the fish into the bayou, then sat back in his boat
chair, crossed his arms, and quietly waited.

After several minutes, the game warden turned to the Cajun and said, "Well?"

"Well, what?"

"Well, how long are you going to let them swim around?" the warden asked.

"Let who swim around?"

"The fish," the warden said.

"What fish?"

 - from Patty Galvin

--
Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

At a Proctologist's door
To expedite your visit please back in."

On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."

On a Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

Pizza Shop Slogan:
"7 days without pizza makes one weak."

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."

On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door:
"Hello. Can we pick your nose?"

At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."

In a Nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate
action"

On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."

At an Optometrist's Office
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right
place."

On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."

In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."

On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is Expensive."

At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming!"

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

At the Electric Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be."

In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up."

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."

At a Propane Filling Station,
"Tank heaven for little grills."

And don't forget the sign at a Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak

 - from Nancy Monroe

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