[Rhodes22-list] jokes

[Michael Meltzer]

Mike goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this great
big huge guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the
little guy staring at him, looks down and says, "7 feet
tall, 350 lbs, 20 inch penis, testicles 3 lbs each, Turner
Brown."

Mike just faints dead away and falls to the floor.

The big dude kneels down and brings him to, by slapping
his face and shaking him. He asks, "Are you OK??"

In a very weak voice Mike says, "Excuse me, but what did
you just say to me?"

The big dude says, "When I saw the curious look on your
face, I just figured I'd give you the answers to the
questions everyone always asks me. "I'm 7 feet tall, weigh
350 lbs, have a 20 inch penis, my testicles weigh 3 lbs
each, and my name is Turner Brown."

Mike said, "Oh Thank God!!! I thought you said ,'Turn
Around.'"

- from Amy Haggerty

--
There were two nuns...

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the
other one was known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting
dark and they are still far
away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for
the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he
wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at
the most? What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only
logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in
one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that
way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister
Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about
what has happened to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical
arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what
happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't
follow us both, so he followed me

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as
fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister?




A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his
pants down. And for those of you who thought it would be
dirty, say two Hail Marys!

- from Sandy Fraser

--
http://teamhouse.tni.net/scrapbook/Epp/dontsee/dont_see.htm

- from Fred Frost

--
http://www.humorsphere.com/fun/colortest.swf

- from Sue Greene

--
A man who had been in a mental institution for some years
finally improved to the point where it was thought he
might be released. The psychiatrist that ran the
institution decided it was better to proceed with caution,
and chose to interview him first.

"Tell me," said the doctor, "if we release you, as we are
considering, what do you plan to do with your life?"

The inmate said, "It would be wonderful to get back to
real life, and if I do, I will certainly refrain from
making my former mistake. I was a nuclear physicist, (Mumf
note: this could be Aaron's future...) you see, and it was
the stress of my work in weapons research that helped to
put me here. If I am released, I shall limit myself to
work in pure theory, where I believe the situation will be
less difficult and stressful."

"Wonderful," said the psychiatrist.

"Or else," continued the patient, "I might teach. There is
something to be said for dedicating your life to expanding
the knowledge of young people."

"Definitely," said the psychiatrist.

"Then again, I might write. There is always a need for
books on science, or I may even write a novel based on my
experiences in the psychiatric institution."

"Another interesting possibility," agreed the doctor.

"And finally, if none of these things appeals to me... I
can always continue my work as a teakettle!"

- from Jimi Pocius

--

What's In a Name? Last month, we asked you to write your
own job title-one that truly describes how you spend your
days at work. Your entries made us laugh, cry, and
sometimes, wonder how you make it through the day.

Here are some of our favorite entries:

Protector of the LAN - John
Sorceress (or Sorcerer) of the Arcane Art of Systems - Lori
Vizier of Viruses - Rick
Root of All E-mail - Steve
Lord of the Pings - Jerry
Enterprise Information Engineering Intelligence Officer
(E-I-E-I-O) - Howard
Network Integrated Technicians with Input Terminals
(NITWITs) - Terry
Doctor of Computer Medicine - Bruce
"There He Is!" - Walter
Info Shaman - Jim

Thanks to everyone who participated!

- from Jay Pocius

--
A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out
about something
exciting and relate it to the class the next day. The
first little boy called upon, walked up to the front of
the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white
dot on the blackboard, then sat back down.

Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.

"It's a period," said the little boy.

"Well, I can see that." She said, "But what is so exciting
about a period?"

"Damned if I know," said the little boy, "but this morning
my sister was missing one, Dad had a heart attack, Mom
fainted, and the man next door shot himself."

- from Jimi Pocius

--