[Rhodes22-list] Joke: If Airlines Sold Paint

[mltroy]

Thank you Brad! That is the best explanation I have ever
seen of airline fares!

Mary Lou



> Thankfully I got out of the passenger hauling business
> years ago but many of my friends didn't.  Here's an
> explanation of why so many of them are either
> unemployed or changed careers.  For list readers who
> are thinking about a career change to this "gravy
> train" I've attached some occupational articles.  Brad
>
> IF AIRLINES SOLD PAINT . . .
> Customer: Hi. How much is your paint?
>
> Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of
> things.
>
> Customer: Can you give me a guess? Is there an average
> price?
>
> Clerk: Our lowest price is $12 a gallon, and we have
> 60 different prices up to $200 a gallon.
>
> Customer: What's the difference in the paint?
>
> Clerk: Oh, there isn't any difference; it's all the
> same paint.
>
> Customer: Well, then I'd like some of that $12 paint.
>
> Clerk: When do you intend to use the paint?
>
> Customer: I want to paint tomorrow. It's my day off.
>
> Clerk: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is the $200 paint.
>
> Customer: When would I have to paint to get the $12
> paint?
>
> Clerk: You would have to start very late at night in
> about 3 weeks. But you will have to agree to start
> painting before Friday of that week and continue
> painting until at least Sunday.
>
> Customer: You've got to be *&%#@* kidding!
>
> Clerk: I'll check and see if we have any paint
> available.
>
> Customer: You have shelves FULL of paint! I can see
> it!
>
> Clerk: But it doesn't mean that we have paint
> available. We sell only a certain number of gallons on
> any given weekend. Oh, and by the way, the price per
> gallon just went to $16. We don't have any more $12
> paint.
>
> Customer: The price went up as we were talking?
>
> Clerk: Yes, sir. We change the prices and rules
> hundreds of times a day, and since you haven't
> actually walked out of the store with your paint yet,
> we just decided to change. I suggest you purchase your
> paint as soon as possible. How many gallons do you
> want?
>
> Customer: Well, maybe five gallons. Make that six, so
> I'll have enough.
>
> Clerk: Oh no, sir, you can't do that. If you buy paint
> and don't use it, there are penalties and possible
> confiscation of the paint you already have.
>
> Customer: WHAT?
>
> Clerk: We can sell enough paint to do your kitchen,
> bathroom, hall and north bedroom, but if you stop
> painting before you do the bedroom, you will lose your
> remaining gallons of paint.
>
> Customer: What does it matter whether I use all the
> paint? I already paid you for it!
>
> Clerk: We make plans based upon the idea that all our
> paint is used, every drop. If you don't, it causes us
> all sorts of problems.
>
> Customer: This is crazy!! I suppose something terrible
> happens if I don't keep painting until after Saturday
> night!
>
> Clerk: Oh yes! Every gallon you bought automatically
> becomes the $200 paint.
>
> Customer: But what are all these, "Paint on sale from
> $10 a liter" signs?
>
> Clerk: Well that's for our budget paint. It only comes
> in half-gallons. One $5 half-gallon will do half a
> room. The second half-gallon to complete the room is
> $20. None of the cans have labels, some are empty and
> there are no refunds, even on the empty cans.
>
> Customer: To heck with this! I'll buy what I need
> somewhere else!
>
> Clerk: I don't think so, sir. You may be able to buy
> paint for your bathroom and bedrooms, and your kitchen
> and dining room from someone else, but you won't be
> able to paint your connecting hall and stairway from
> anyone but us. And I should point out, sir, that if
> you paint in only one direction, it will be $300 a
> gallon.
>
> Customer: I thought your most expensive paint was
> $200!
>
> Clerk: That's if you paint around the room to the
> point at which you started. A hallway is different.
>
> Customer: And if I buy $200 paint for the hall, but
> only paint in one direction, you'll confiscate the
> remaining paint?
>
> Clerk: No, we'll charge you an extra use fee plus the
> difference on your next gallon of paint. But I believe
> you're getting it now, sir.
>
> Customer: You're insane!
>
> Clerk: Thanks for painting with United.
>
>
>
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