[Rhodes22-list] jpkes

[Alex Bell]

A LOCAL CHARITY OFFICE REALIZED THAT IT HAD NEVER 
RECEIVED A DONATION FROM THE TOWN’S MOST successful lawyer. 
The director called him, hoping to get a contribution. “Our research
shows that 
out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you’ve given not a penny to
charity. 
Wouldn’t you like to give back to the community in some way?”

The lawyer replied, “First, did your research also show that my mother
is dying 
after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her
annual 
income?”

Embarrassed, the director mumbled, “Um…no.”

“Or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a
wheelchair?”

The stricken director began to stammer out an apology but was
interrupted. “

Or that my sister’s husband died in a car accident,” the lawyer’s voice
rising in
indignation, “leaving her penniless with three children?!”

The humiliated director said simply, “I had no idea…”

“So if I don’t give any money to them, why the hell would I give any to
you?” 





        
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. 
Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In
order to 
keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull
so that 
they can breed their own stock.

The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600
dollars out 
west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon
leaving, she 
tells her sister, “When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll
contact you to 
drive out after me and haul it home.”

The brunette arrives at the man’s ranch, inspects the bull, and decides
she does 
want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less.
After 
paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram
to tell 
her the news.

She walks into the telegraph office, and says, “I want to send a
telegram to my 
sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to
hitch the 
trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.”

The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, then
adds, “It’s 
just 99 cents a word.”

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She
realizes that 
she’ll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a
few minutes, 
she nods, and says, “I want you to send her the word, ‘comfortable.’”

The telegraph operator shakes his head. “How is she ever going to know
that 
you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out
here to haul 
that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, ‘comfortable’?”

The brunette explains, “My sister’s blonde.  She’ll read it very slow.”