[Rhodes22-list] jokes

[Michael Meltzer]

A koala bear and a hooker go back to her place and they get undressed. The
koala bear goes down on the hooker for 3 hours straight. She has multiple
orgasms!!! After 3 hours he stops, gets up and puts on his little koala
clothes. The woman is hanging back huffing and puffing from exhaustion.
"Oh God,that was great! Now I need my money." The koala bear just looks at
her and shrugs.

Then the hooker says, "No, I need my money. I'm a hooker and this is how I
make a living."

The koala bear just looks at her and continues to put on his clothes. Then
the hooker gets up and runs to the bookshelf, grabs a dictionary and thumbs
through it to "hooker." She hands it to the koala bear and it reads:

"HOOKER: person who has sex for money."

Then the koala bear turns the page to "koala bear" and walks out the door.
The hooker reads:

"KOALA BEAR: Eats Bushes and Leaves."

--
(Mumf note: this is a classic!)

A son asks his father, "What can you tell me about politics? I have to learn
about it for school tomorrow." The father thought some and said, "OK, son,
the best way I can describe politics is to use an analogy. Let's say that
I'm a capitalist because I'm the breadwinner. Your mother will be the
government because she controls everything, our maid will be the working
class because she works for us, you will be the people because you answer to
us, and your baby brother will be the future. Does that help any?" The
little boy said, "Well, Dad, I don't know, but I'll think about what you
said."
Later that night, after everyone had gone to bed, the little boy was awaken
by his baby brother's crying. Upon further investigation, he found a dirty
diaper. So, he went down the hall to his parent's bedroom and found his
father's side of the bed empty and his mother wouldn't wake up. Then he saw
a light on in the guest room down the hall, and when he reached the door, he
saw through the crack that his father was in bed with the maid. The son then
turned and went back to bed.

The next morning, he said to his father at the breakfast table, "Dad, I
think I understand politics much better now." "Excellent, my boy," he
answered, "What have you learned?" The little boy thought for a minute and
said, "I learned that capitalism is screwing the working class, government
is sound asleep ignoring the people, and the future's full of crap."

--
Dear Mom & Dad,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard.
With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would
like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love,
Your $on.


Dear Son,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even
an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a
NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love,
Mom & Dad

--
Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but
he just hasn't realized it yet.

Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a
policeman.

Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce,
chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned
everything up, but, he, "made the dinner."

Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand
them.

Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. Gotta get married in a church.

Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.

Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with
a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.

Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to
make a purchase.

Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend half an hour writing, then
forget to take with you to the store.

Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you
will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."

Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space-if he
goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.

Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions;
he gets to hold your hand and say "focus,...breath...push..."

Lipstick (lip*stik) n. On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your
mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!

Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and
neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.

Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage
and children. See also "tranquilizers."

Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower,
or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.

Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a
candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to
get a card

--
Women's Four Favorite Animals:

A mink in the closet,
A Jaguar in the garage,
A tiger in the bedroom,

And an ass to pay for it all!

--