[Rhodes22-list] jokes(a very small sail mention in one :-)

[Michael Meltzer]

A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55 mph. The husband is
behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, "Honey, I know we've
been married for 15 years, but, I want a divorce."

The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 60 mph. She then
says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been
having an affair with your best friend, and he's a better lover than you."
Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as his anger increases.

She says, "I want the house." Again the husband speeds up, and now is doing
70 mph.

She says, "I want the kids too." The husband just keeps driving faster, and
faster, now he's up to 80 mph.

She says, "I want the car, the checking account, and all the credit cards
too." The husband slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling, as
she says, "Is there anything you want?"

The husband says, "No, I've got everything I need."

She asks, "Really? What's that?"

The husband replies just before they hit the wall at 90 mph, "I've got the
airbag!"

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10 MOST BRILLIANT MARKETING BLUNDERS:
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 1. Coors put its slogan, "Turn it loose," into Spanish, where it was read
as "Suffer from diarrhea."

 2. Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an
American campaign: "Nothing sucks like an Electrolux." (Mumf note: the guy
that wrote that slogan has obviously NOT been on the same dates as me!)

 3. Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick", a curling iron, into Germany only
to find out that "mist" is slang for manure. Not too many people there
wanted a "manure stick."

 4. When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same
packaging as in the U.S., with the beautiful Caucasian baby on the label.
Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the
label of what's inside, since so many people there can't read.

 5. Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a
notorious porno magazine.

 6. An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market
which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I saw the Pope" (el Papa), the
shirts read "I saw the potato" (la papa).

 7. Pepsi's "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" translated into "Pepsi
brings your ancestors back from the grave" in Chinese.

 8. Frank Perdue's chicken slogan, "it takes a strong man to make a tender
chicken" was translated into Spanish as "it takes an aroused man to make a
chicken affectionate."

 9. The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as "Ke-kou-ke-la", meaning
"Bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax", depending on the
dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 characters to find a phonetic
equivalent "ko-kou-ko-le", translating into "happiness in the mouth."

10. When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were
supposed to have read, "it won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you."
Instead, the company thought that the word "embarazar" (to impregnate) meant
to embarrass, so the ad read: "It won't leak in your pocket and make you
pregnant.

 - from Jimi Pocius

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(Mumf note: an oldie but goodie!)

A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan
would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of
property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back
to 1803, which took the Lawyer three months to track down.

After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply
(actual letter):

"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we
note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we
compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the
application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the
proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be
accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin."

Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows (actual letter):

"Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note
that you wish to have the title extended further than the 194 years covered
by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this
country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know
that Louisiana was purchased, by the U. S., from France in 1803, the year of
origin identified in our application.

For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land
prior to U. S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by
Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into the possession of Spain by
Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher
Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India
by the Spanish monarch, Isabella. The good queen, Isabella, being pious
woman and almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of
securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance
Columbus' expedition.

Now the Pope, as I'm sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the
Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore,
I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world
called Louisiana. God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His
origins date back, to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it
AND the FHA. I hope the hell you find God's original claim to be
satisfactory.

Now, may we have our damn loan?"

The loan was approved.

 - from Sue Greene

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