[Rhodes22-list] Humor

Mon Jun 9 19:26:59 EDT 2003

MAN'S ANSWERS TO EVERY QUESTION A WOMAN EVER ASKS 

1. WHY ARE MEN SUCH JERKS? 

It's a testosterone thing.  Much similar to your PMS
thing, we men suffer from testosterone poisoning.  Why
do you think the average life span of a  male is
typically 10 years shorter (and it's not just from all
the bitching and nagging we have to endure)?  Hormone
modifies behavior.  We're just misunderstood. 

2.  WHY DO MEN ALWAYS HAVE TO OGLE AT OTHER WOMEN? 

Again, this is a testosterone thing. Do you honestly
think that all the testosterone just fell out of our
bodies the moment we met you?  Besides, women do it as
well. Women are just much better at not getting
caught. I'm fairly certain it's some sort of
photographic memory deal. Women take one quick look
and memorize it for later reference. Since men lack
this ability, we try to burn it into our memory by
staring as much as we can. 

3.  WHY DO MEN ALWAYS TOUCH THEMSELVES, ESPECIALLY IN
PUBLIC? 

We occasionally need to adjust our little friend and
make him happy. It's much like adjusting your bra.
Being in public is just an added bonus. 

4.  WHY DO MEN ALWAYS SAY SUCH STUPID THINGS? 

We like to. It's actually a whole lot of fun to see
our partner frustrated by a few simple (and well
chosen) words. 

5.  WHY ARE MEN SO UNCOMMUNICATIVE? 

You'd learn to keep your big mouth shut too if every
time you open it you get into trouble with your
partner. 

6.  WHY DO MEN HAVE TO ACT LIKE SUCH RETARDS? 

Well, we don't actually have to; we do it because we
enjoy it. It's the old fashioned pride in a job well
done that's missing in so much of the world nowadays. 

7.  WHY CAN'T MEN JUST SHARE THEIR FEELINGS? 

Do we look like women to you? Why is it so hard to
under- stand that men and women are different?  How
are we suppos- ed to share how we feel when we have no
idea how we feel?   Unless we're experiencing some
extreme emotion like rage,  hatred, disgust, or a
brick on our foot, we have no idea  how we feel.
Personally, I get a headache whenever I try  to figure
out how I feel. 

8.  WHY CAN'T MEN CUDDLE MORE (I.E.  LIE DOWN AND
HUG)? 

Please...  How many hours do you think there are in a
day? We oblige you as much as we can, but who the hell
(besides women) can stand lying around for hours on
end? We men... Men hunters... Need go roam... Starve
in cave... Must go find wildebeest... Now sitting on
our asses for hours on end on the other hand is a
whole other story. 

9.  HOW CAN MEN SIT ON THEIR ASSES ALL DAY WITHOUT
MOVING? 

Men have very powerful sets of sitting muscles
developed by evolution that enable us to sit for
extended periods of time without getting tired. In
prehistoric times, it was often necessary to sit in
one spot for extended periods of time while hunting
for prey. The more successful hunters were able to sit
very still for very extended periods of time thereby
passing on this ability to their progeny. The fidgety
types were all gobbled up by saber toothed tigers etc.
The end result is that almost all modern men are born
with this innate ability. 

10.  WHY CAN'T MEN JUST SAY "I LOVE YOU?" 

Men are taught from a tender young age to be self-
sufficient. To say that we love you is equivalent to
saying  that we need you. Most men consider that a
character fault.   It's not easy to admit to one's own
character faults. 

11.  WHY DO MEN SAY "I LOVE YOU" WHEN THEY HARDLY KNOW
ME? 

Ho, Ho, Ho...  Aren't you special? Well, some men
think it's a sure fire way to get into your pants.
Surprisingly,it actually still works quite well. 

12.  WHY DOESN'T MY PARTNER EVER ANSWER ME? 

We just simply don't have the energy to answer every
single one of your questions. If we think we do not
have the answer, or that you will not like the answer,
we simply remain quiet and save the energy for other
things. 

13.  WHY WON'T MEN EVER PICK UP AFTER THEMSELVES? 

Why should we? It doesn't really bother us that much.
Besides, we know darn well you'll pick it up. 

14.  WHAT'S WITH ALL THE BELCHING AND FARTING? 

This usually only occurs after months of courting.
It's our way to let you know that we're comfortable
with you. Believe it or not, it's actually a sign of
affection. Besides, holding it for extended periods of
time gives us stomach cramps. 

15.  WHY DO MEN HATE SHOPPING? 

It's an evolutionary thing. Men hunt. Women gather. We
just want to go out, kill it, and bring it back. Who
wants to spend hours and hours to look at things we
have no intention of killing? Err...  buying? 

--------------------- 

The homeowner got into his grubbiest clothes on
Saturday morning and set about all the chores he'd
been putting off for weeks. He'd cleaned the garage,
pruned the hedge, and was halfway through mowing the
lawn when a woman pulled up in the driveway and yelled
out her window, "Say, what do you get for yard work?" 

The fellow thought for a minute, then answered, "The
lady who lives here, lets me sleep with her." 

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