[Rhodes22-list] jokes

[Michael Meltzer]

http://www.liberty-news.com/cartoons/CriticizingThePatriotActIsAgainstThePatriotAct.gif

 

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http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2003/05/0515_030515_fishdecline.html

 

 

 - from Jimi Pocius

 

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To realize the value of .

... a sister, ask someone who doesn't have one.
 
To realize the value of ...
 ... ten years, ask a newly divorced couple.
 
To realize the value of ...
 ... four years, ask a graduate.
 
To realize the value of ...
 ... one year, ask a student who has failed a final exam.
 
To realize the value of ...
 ... one month, ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.
 
To realize the value of ...
 ... one week, ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.
 
To realize the value of ...
 ... one hour, ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.
 
To realize the value of ...
 ... one minute, ask a person who has missed the train, bus or plane.
 
To realize the value of ...
 ... one-second, ask a person who has survived an accident.
 
To realize the value of ...
 ... one millisecond, ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics.
 
 Time waits for no one. Treasure every moment you have. 



To realize the value of ...

. a friend, lose one.
 

 - from Kevin Haggerty

 

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Custom doggie tags are nice, microchips are cool, "lost and found" ads work, but when it comes to finding your foxhound or pinpointing your pug, a new product from Japan's Secom Co. Ltd. is far more fetching. The firm has developed a service that uses Global Positioning System (GPS) technology to locate wayward Weimaraners or any other lost pooch that's wearing a special sensor. Said sensor is a tiny GPS terminal that a dog can wear on its back or around its neck. If your dog disappears, you can get on Secom's Web site, type in a username and password and, voila, the service tells you where Fido is, within 164 feet.

 

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One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house.
 
His three children were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.

In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that something serious had happened.

He found her lounging in the bedroom, still curled in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world did I do today?"

"Yes" was his incredulous reply.

She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."
 

 - from Carol Bagshaw



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