[Rhodes22-list] jokes, even have a Dennis Miller quote :-)

[Michael Meltzer]

"My favorite bumper sticker in Washington D.C. right now
is the one that says 'First Iraq, then France'."
 -Tom Brokaw

"The French announced today that they would not help us
remove Saddam from Iraq. Well Duh! They didn't even help
us remove Hitler from France."
 -Jay Leno

"France said this week they need more evidence to convince
them Saddam is a threat. Yeah, last time France asked for
more evidence it came rolling thru Paris with a German
Flag on it."
 -Dave Letterman

......and my all time favorite!..
Why are all the highways in France lined with trees? So
the Germans can march in the shade!!!
-unknown

France has neither winter, nor summer, nor morals. France
is miserable because it is filled with Frenchmen, and
Frenchmen are miserable because they live in France.
 -Mark Twain

Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives
in Canada.
 -Ted Nugent

The only way the French are going in with us is if we tell
them we found truffles in Iraq.
-unknown

War without France would be like ... uh ... World War II
-unknown

What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
The Army.
-unknown

How do you stop a French Tank? Shoot the guy pushing.
-unknown

How many Frenchman does it take to defend Paris. We don't
know, it's never been tried.
-unknown

The best French bashing line heard over the last week is:
"We can count on the French to be there when they need
us."

++
It's become almost routine for members of the American
press to throw dumb or leading questions at members of the
Bush administration.

Maybe that's one of the reasons why Secretary of State
Colin Powell seemed so well prepared for the shifty
question recently hurled at him by an Iraqi reporter.

According to the New York Post, one of Saddam's newshounds
asked Powell, "Isn't it true that only 13% of young
Americans can locate Iraq on a map?"

"That may be true," Powell countered. "You're probably
right. But unfortunately for you, all 13% are fighter
pilots."

- from Carol Bagshaw

--
"France has usually been governed by prostitutes."
 -Mark Twain

"I would rather have a German division in front of me than
a French one behind me."
 -General of the Army George S. Patton

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting
without your accordion."
 -General of the Army Norman Schwartzkopf

"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something
about it."
 -Marge Simpson

"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure"
 -Jacques Chirac, President of France

"As far as France is concerned, you're right."
 -Rush Limbaugh

"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the
German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee."
 -Regis Philbin

"The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not
dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of
Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink
little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than
sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I
don't know."
 -P.J O'Rourke (1989)

"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging
actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on
her looks but doesn't have the face for it."
 -John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona

"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam
Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and
wears a beret. He is French, people."
 -Conan O'Brien

"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't
help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't
help us get the Germans out of France!"
 -Jay Leno

"The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came
marching into Paris under a German flag."
 -David Letterman

"How many Frenchmen does it take to change a light bulb?
One. He holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around
him."
 -unknown

"The heaviest cross I had to bear was the Cross of Lorraine",
 -Winston Churchill

"Next time there's a war in Europe, the loser has to keep
France",
 -General of the Army Dwight David Eisenhower

- from Steve Halpin

--
http://www.beadee.com/attacked/bend_over.htm

- from Ron Coveney

--
What is the Iraqi air force motto? I came, I saw, Iran.

Have you heard about the new Iraqi air force exercise
programme? Each morning you raise your hands above your
head and leave them there.

What's the five-day forecast for Baghdad? Two days.

What do Miss Muffet and Saddam Hussein have in common?
They both have Kurds in their way.

What is the best Iraqi job? Foreign ambassador.

Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi
fighter pilots? You only have to teach them to take off.

How do you play Iraqi bingo? B-52 ... F-16 ... A-10 ... B-1

What is Iraq's national bird? Duck.

What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common?
They both want to know where those Tomahawks are coming
from!

Why does the Iraqi navy have glass bottom boats? So they
can see their air force.

++
All of the rubble from New York...all the huge blocks of
concrete and steel, the old busted up computers,
refrigerators, hot water heaters, air conditioners, cars &
trucks, broken glass, etc., should be shoveled into C130's
and C5A's, flown over Iraq and Afghanistan and dropped
from 32,000 feet. A Frigidaire can do a heck of a lot of
damage from 5 miles up! With each assault we can drop
pamphlets: "Greetings, from the 110th floor of the World
Trade Center". The next day it would read, "...from the
109th floor..." Then the 108th, etc., etc.

After 110 days of this, I can't imagine there would be
much left standing on the ground. Can't you just see the
headlines: "WORLD TRADE CENTER STRIKES BACK!"

What wonderful irony this would be, and think how much
money we wouldn't have to spend on new bombs or missiles!
... not to mention the 100-million tons diverted from the
New York City landfill...

++
February 14, 2003.
Today it was reported that severe earthquakes have
occurred in 10 different locations in France. The severity
was measured in excess of 10 on the Richter scale. The
cause was the 56,681 dead American soldiers buried in
French soil rolling over in their graves. According to the
American Battle Monuments Commission there are 26,255
Yankee dead from World War I buried in 4 cemeteries in
France. There are 30,426 American dead from World War II
buried in 6 cemeteries in France. These 56,681 brave
American heroes died in their youth to liberate a country
which is guilty of shameful unspeakable behavior in the
21st century. May the United States of America never
forget their sacrifice as we find ways to forcefully deal
with the Godforsaken unappreciative, forgetful country of
France!

++
http://www.funtown.com/ontherunagain/ontherunagain.cfm

- from Jimi Pocius

--
http://www.dayspring.com/movies/webmovies/america.html

- from Melinda Sisk

--
When in England at a fairly large conference, Colin Powell
was asked by the Archbishop of Canterbury if our plans for
Iraq were just an example of empire building by George
Bush.

He answered by saying that, "Over the years, the United
States has sent many of its fine young men and women into
great peril to fight for freedom beyond our borders. The
only amount of land we have ever asked for in return is
enough to bury those that did not return."

It became very quiet in the room.

- from Fred Frost

--
Regardless of your position on the upcoming war, this
really sums up the truth in a nutshell.
By Dennis Miller:

All the rhetoric on whether or not we should go to war
against Iraq has got my insane little brain spinning like
a roulette wheel. I enjoy reading opinions from both sides
but I have detected a hint of confusion from some of you.

As I was reading the paper recently, I was reminded of the
best advice someone ever gave me. He told me about the
"KISS" method (Keep It Simple, Stupid!) So, with this as a
theme, I'd like to apply this theory for those who don't
quite get it. My hope is that we can simplify things a bit
and recognize a few important facts.

Here are 9 things to consider when voicing an opinion on
this important issue:

1) Out of President Bush and Saddam Hussein...Hussein is
the bad guy.

2) If you have faith in the United Nations to do the right
thing, keep this in mind: they have Libya heading the
committee on human rights and Iraq heading the global
disarmament committee. Do your own math here.

3) If you use Google Search and type in "French Military
Victories," your reply will be "Did you mean French
Military Defeats?"

4) If your only anti-war slogan is "NO WAR FOR OIL," sue
your school district for allowing you to slip through the
cracks and robbing you of the education you deserve.

5) Saddam and Bin Laden will not seek United Nations
approval before they try to kill us.

6) Despite common belief, Martin Sheen is not the
President. He only plays one on TV.

7) Even if you are anti-war, you are still an "Infidel!"
and Bin Laden wants YOU dead, too.

8) If you believe in a "vast right-wing conspiracy" but
not in the danger Hussein poses, quit hanging out with the
Dell Computer Dude.

9) Whether you are for military action or against it, our
young men and women overseas are fighting for us to defend
our right to speak out. We all need to support them
without reservation.

from Jimi Pocius

--
Tom, I don't know if you saw the article about this
website in Yahoo! News or not. But it is interesting. This
website is by a guy who neither supports Saddam nor the
Allied Forces. He's just giving a running commentary about
life and observations in Baghdad. Sort of like Pliney the
Elder during the eruption of Vesuvius. Anyway, not telling
how long this guy will be able to post, though Google has
set up a mirror site for him. But thought you might like
to see it.

Ron

http://dear_raed.blogspot.com/

from Ron Nichols

--
An open letter to the Dixie Chicks:

Earlier this week, while performing in London, you stated
that you were ashamed that our President is from your home
state. I wonder if you realized how many Americans would
be listening. This American was listening. This Texan is
ashamed that you come from my state. I serve my country as
an officer in the United States Navy. Specifically, I fly
F-14 Tomcats off carriers around the world, executing the
missions that preserve the very freedom you claim to
exercise. I have proudly fought for my country in the
skies over Kosovo, Iraq and Afghanistan without regret.
Though I may disagree wholeheartedly with your comments, I
will defend to the death your right to say them in
America. But for you to travel to a foreign land and
publicly criticize our Commander in Chief is cowardice
behavior. Would you have so willingly made those comments
while performing for a patriotic, flag-waving crowd of
Texans in Lubbock. I would imagine not. How dare you
pocket profits off songs about soldiers, their deaths and
patriotism while criticizing their Commander in Chief
abroad, even while they prepare to give their lives to
ensure your own freedom of speech. Please ask yourself,
what have you done to deserve that sacrifice? Do not try
to justify your comments by claiming that you made them
only because you care about innocent lives. Never once in
our history have we committed troops to war for the
purpose of taking innocent lives. We do it to protect
innocent lives, even yours. If the world leaders of the
late 1930's had the vision and courage of our present
Commander in Chief, perhaps the evil men who caused the
death of millions in WWII would have never had the
opportunity to harm a soul. The potential loss of millions
of lives in the future at the hands of today's evil men
necessitates action. In a separate
 correspondence, I am returning to you each and every
Dixie Chicks CD and cassette that I have ever purchased.
Never again will I allow my funds to support your
behavior. All you have done is to add your name to a
growing list of American "Celebrities" who have failed to
realize that they have obtained their successes on the
backs of the American blue-collar workers such as our
servicemen and women.

 To Natalie Maines: This Texan, this American will
continue to risk his life to guarantee your freedoms.
What will you do to deserve it?

- from Rob Brucato

--
Sheryl Crow Unsuccessful; War On Iraq Begins

WASHINGTON, DC: In spite of recording artist Sheryl Crow's
strong protestations, including the wearing of a "No War"
guitar strap, the U.S. went to war with Iraq last week.
"Making the decision to go to war is never easy, but it's
that much harder when you know Sheryl Crow disapproves,"
White House press secretary Ari Fleischer said at a press
conference Monday. "It is this administration's sincerest
hope that it can one day regain the support and trust of
the woman behind such hits as 'All I Wanna Do' and 'Soak
Up The Sun.'" Fleischer issued similar apologies to Martin
Sheen, Janeane Garofalo, and Nelly.

- from Dave Houpert

--