[Rhodes22-list] jokes

[Michael Meltzer]

The makers of French's Mustard made the following recent statement: "We at the French's Company wish to put an end to statements that our product is manufactured in France. There is no relationship, nor has there ever been a relationship, between our mustard and the country of France. Indeed, our mustard is manufactured in Rochester, NY. The only thing we have in common is that we are both yellow".

 

from Jimi Pocius

 

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News reports have filtered out early this morning that US forces have swooped on an Iraqi Primary School and detained teacher Mohammed Al-Hazar. Sources indicate that, when arrested, Al-Hazar was in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare and a calculator. President George W Bush announced that this was clear and overwhelming evidence that Iraq indeed possessed weapons of maths instruction.

 

from Sandy Fraser

 

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US troops reportedly refuse to arrest 'Comical Ali'

Former Iraqi Information Minister Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf is attempting to surrender to US forces, according to a London-based Arabic newspaper.

But Al-Sharq al-Awsat says the Americans have refused to arrest Mr. Sahhaf - who became a familiar face during the war with his upbeat assessments of Iraqi military "successes" - because he does not appear on their "most wanted" list of 55 former regime officials.

 

US President George W Bush has admitted that he enjoyed Mr. Sahhaf's briefings so much that he used to interrupt some of his meetings just to watch him.

 

"He's my man, he was great," he told NBC television in a recent interview. "Somebody accused us of hiring him and putting him there. He was a classic."

 

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/2986459.stm



from Fred Frost

 

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Richard Millhouse Nixon was the first US president whose name contains all the letters from the word "criminal." The second was William Jefferson Clinton.

 

from Jimi Pocius

 

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The French Leader got a coded message from Bush Administration.



It read: 370HSSV-0773H



The French were stumped and sent for the French Information Agency. The FIA was stumped too, so it went to the Russians. The Russians couldn't solve it either, so they asked the Germans. The Germans, having received this same message during WW2 from the Americans, suggested turning it upside down ...



from Sue Greene

 

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(Mumf note: as near as I can tell, we are reading a note that was sent to Fred's nephew.)

 

Hi Jon, Your mom asked me to send you to some sites. For historical purposes I guess. Instead I will try to explain a little about the basic history of war and oppression, in America. About 250 years ago America was a new frontier being plundered by our ancestors (Frost is English). Taxation was rampant etc... So a group of Freemasons, adjourned lodge early and went to a tea party.(fact) Then they wrote the declaration of independence.(all but 2 signers were Masons) And a revolution was born. There were a surprising # of people against this uprising, most infamous would be Benedict Arnold. In England, he is a hero. Here he was a traitor. At any rate America prevailed, and freedom was had(for whites anyway). The Constitution of the United States was written and signed. And a country was formed. And a Free Mason was elected to the presidency of the USA. 

 

We have had many wars and conflicts since its inception. In my opinion all were just. Including the police action in Vietnam. They don't teach Nam or Korea in school. Cause we were basically defeated in both of them. By politics not by the enemy.(both of those countries are impoverished by their own people and corruption) There were many people against the American civil war. In the north. They didn't feel black slavery was such a bad thing. Certainly not worth whites dying for. The southern man didn't want the north to stop slavery, and change their way of life. So they had at it. Personally I don't feel the war was about slavery. It was more likely about the true beginning of the northern industrial revolution. The North won. Your ancestor U,S, Grant was the victorious General. This was only 140 years ago, not long really in the history of the world. The next real deal war was WWI 

 

America was dragged into it thru some tragic events. Once America joined the fray, the tide was turned. America's involvement was very short, Germany surrendered because we were about to commit 1 million men. The Germans signed treaties saying they wouldn't build a war machine, Guess what? they lied. Their economy was in a shambles, they couldn't pay their agreed upon war debt. Hitler came, blamed the Jew for all Germanys ailments. You see German youth didn't even remember Germanys oppression. I don't think they taught it in school.(it happens when you lose, remember) And the peace at any cost assholes, demanded we stay out of it. There was a very large anti Jew sentiment in our country at the time. Charles Lindberg was one of them(the aviator). His reputation never recovered. No one believed Hitler was doing what he was accused of. And so what if he was. It was just another European war it doesn't effect the USA. History proved different. I guess I'm trying to say there are people who won't fight for anything, that will fight against everything. These people don't necessarily have any answers to any problems. "JUST NOT THAT" Its a horrible mantra. If its a war for oil its just(you drive don't you?) If it's a war for freedom , it's just.

 

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America etc etc.... with liberty and justice for all. Before you were born Americans were being killed by Muslim terrorists my favorite was Moamar Quadiffy <wrong spelling? He was instrumental in the bombings of an airliner in Lokerbie Scotland, and the bombing of an US marine barracks in Lebanon <I had friends there.

 His reign of terror ended with a cruise missile attack on his tent( Bedouin Arab), He had just left. His kid was not so lucky.

 

She died. Guess what? He stopped his terrorism. and joined the human race. Saddam was given this same chance. 12 years ago he was pushed back into Iraq. He agreed to many sanctions. And proceeded to kill his own people. With outlawed weapons, and a ferocity not seen since Hitler, He laughed in the face of humanity. He was party to the bombing of the WTC in NY NY. They drew first blood. We as a super power must stop him, we owe it to the world. I'm going to send you a speech written by the last good Democrat, Please read it. (PS: the last good Democrat was JFK and he did steal the election from Nixon)

 

from Fred Frost

 

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(Mumf note: this next one needs to be read bottom to top to properly follow the thread(

 

"Now Anke, you have to ask yourself a question. Is it better for tens of thousands of innocent Iraqi civilians to get killed by their leader for simply being a different race(non-Arab)....or for a few

thousand to be killed in a war that will end a gruesome dictatorship and will eventually lead to prosperity in a country that has the ability to be the next UAE, Saudi Arabia, or Kuwait. A country with a strong leadership and infrastructure.

 

You're tired of the States running the new world order as you put it. I'm tired of countries that support extremists and violent groups bent on mass terrorism and the death of innocence on a global scale. People say America is the big bad wolf...however whenever there is a catastrophe somewhere, the US is there to lend a hand, a nuclear submarine sinks.. whose there to

help..USA. Medicines, financial aid, technology..who gives the most to EVERYONE all the time? the USA.

 

Who has made the world a better place without communism, who helped nock down the barriers for peace on so many continents? The USA. Fine the next country that needs help in some way from the US, I hope we tell them to go screw. The US will close itself from helping 3rd world countries and let the Grand European Order take care of them. Yugoslavians and Chechnyans start getting slaughtered again by another Milosovich..Not our problem anymore. Ethiopians dying of starvation because they live in a F'n desert and have no food. not our problem, screw 'em.

 

All these things the US has done to make the world a better place...and all the world just complains. And you wonder why when I go on vacation I stay in the states. What's the point in leaving..seems the whole world looks down on us except for when they need our money and assistance because they lack the ability to take care of themselves.

 

 

>From: Kneifel Anke <Anke.Kneifel at thomson.net>

>To: Kevin Haggerty <haggs501 at msn.com>

>Subject: RE: happy people

>Date: Fri, 11 Apr 2003 01:35:09 -0500

>

>you guys just twist everything the way you need it, don't you! Of course they

>are happy and it is good that Saddam is gone. But remember why your country

>or government or whatever you want to call it went down there to start that

>war: Let me remind you!!!! "Saddam and his regime and his "weapons" (yeah

>right, what kinda weapons) are a threat to our lovely nation America!!!! Did

>you find chemical and biological weapons ? No!!!! Did you encounter much

>resistance with highly technological weapons ? No!!!! No, no, no!!!! Did you

>again kill lots of civilians - yes, yes, yes ! Luckily you killed your own

>people too, because they just shot at everything that was moving.

>To tell you the truth - your countries attitude makes me sick. And now after

>the war is over, thank God (who does not exist) rather quickly, your country

>is gonna say again. "See, rest of the world, we did it again - we save those

>people from this dictator and we did it quickly!!! Sure they knew upfront

>that Saddam's weapons are just a big laugh! I am tired of your country trying

>to be the world leader and always speaking about the new world order!!!

>Reminds me of something that happened a couple 50 years ago!!!! Why are so

>many people in your country are just so blind to see what is going on - what

>the real intentions of your government (and whoever is behind it) are????

>You are all getting so offended if someone says something bad about your

>country. Remember when Bush got "elected" - he could not even talk properly

>on TV, he had never been outside the states at that point - half the world

>was laughing at your country and your nation was laughing about Bush -

>couple years later, he is a hero!! Gimme a break!

>You only see what you want to see or what you are supposed to see - forced

>by your media!!! So, that is how I think about all that!!!

>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>http://www.thomson.net/

>

>----Original Message-----

>From: Kevin Haggerty 

>Sent: jeudi 10 avril 2003 16:23

>To: Kneifel Anke

>Subject: happy people

>

> so the war is a bad idea. stopping a madman from killing and torturing

>his own civilians...what a bad idea. Did you see all of those Baghdad

>citizens dancing in the street. How happy they are now that their cruel

>dictator has been ousted by the good old coalition forces.

>

from Kevin Haggerty

 

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This email is from Andy Nelson, an employee with Doster Construction in Montgomery. 
 
I want to tell you of an experience I had last night flying home from Atlanta. The pilot came on the intercom and went through the usual announcements telling us that "we're just east of Montgomery cruising at 28,000 feet" and "you've picked a beautiful night for flying, just look at the gorgeous southern sunset out of the right side of the plane". 

 

He then, however, said this: "Please bear with me as I deviate from the script, but I want you all to know that simply by coincidence you have been granted both the privilege and honor of escorting the body of Army PFC Howard Johnson, Jr. home tonight. PFC Johnson was killed in Iraq defending the freedoms we all enjoy, and fighting to extend those freedoms to the people of Iraq. We are also accompanied by PFC Johnson's cousin, Marine Major Talley, who has been chosen by the family to escort PFC Johnson home. Semper Fi!" 

 

The plane quickly became very quiet, but soon erupted in thunderous applause that lasted for several minutes. It was quite moving, to say the least. As I sat there thinking about what the pilot had said, and visualizing PFC Johnson's dead body riding below me in the belly of that plane, I noticed a couple of things. Two rows in front of me sat a father holding his daughter, an infant, and they were practicing "ma-ma" and in the row behind me was another young boy, probably 2 or so, learning to count to 10. 

 

Now obviously both are too young to realize we're at war, or that one of our dead was with us, but it made me think, and this is the point: These warriors, mostly young, all volunteers, everyday are prepared to give their lives for our future, for a safer, more secure future for people they don't even know, all based on the principle that fighting and dying for this country is worth it. You all know and agree with this, but not everyone does, so I would ask that if you meet anyone that's not "on board" with this philosophy, i.e. the protesters, that you "correct the situation". 

 

By the way, the flight ended with all of us deplaning only to line the windows of the gate house to watch PFC Johnson's body, draped in the American flag, be rolled out of the plane and into a waiting hearse that was surrounded by his family members. Please pray that our soldiers' sight is acute, their aim is true, and that as many come home as God can spare.

 

from Sue Greene

 

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