[Rhodes22-list] jokes

Fri May 9 10:14:16 EDT 2003

This chain letter was started in hopes of bringing relief to other tired and discouraged men. Unlike most chain letters, this one doesn't cost anything!

Just send a copy of this letter to five of your friends who are equally tired and discontented.

Then bundle up your wife and/or girlfriend and send her to the man whose name appears at the top of the following list, and add your name to the bottom of the list.

When your turn comes, you will receive 15,625 women. One of them is bound to be better than the one you already have.

At the writing of this letter, a friend of mine has already received 184 women, of whom four were worth keeping.

REMEMBER this chain brings luck.

One man's pit bull died, and the next day he received a Playboy playmate.

An unmarried Jewish man living with his widowed mother was able to choose between a Hooter's waitress and a Hollywood super model.

You can be lucky too, but DO NOT BREAK THE CHAIN!

One man broke the chain and got his wife back again.

Let's keep it going, men! Just add your name to the bottom of the list below!

Bill Clinton
780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017

Billy Clinton
780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017

Billie Clinton
780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017

B. Clinton
780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017

William Jefferson Clinton
780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017

W. Jefferson Clinton
780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017

W. Jeff Clinton
780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017

W. J. Clinton
780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017

W. Clinton
780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017

William J Clinton
780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017

Wilhelm Clinton
780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017

Willie Clinton
780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017

Will Clinton
780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017

Mr. Hillary Clinton
780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017

Mr. Slick Willie Clinton
780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017

 - from Kevin Haggerty

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I was just having a conversation with someone who is about to buy a Mac. I was against it and an argument started. I said there were too few programmers and programs supporting the Mac.

He responded, "One really important thing...when was the last time you heard of a virus on a Mac?"

And I said "See, even scumbags who write viruses don't support Macs."

++
You Think A Gallon Of Gas Is Expensive?

Makes one think, and puts things in perspective.

Diet Snapple 16 oz $1.29 ......... $10.32 per gallon
Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz $1.19 ....... $ 9.52 per gallon
Gatorade 20 oz $1.59 ............. $10.17 per gallon
Ocean Spray 16 oz $1.25 ......... $10.00 per gallon
Brake Fluid 12 oz $3.15 ........... $33.60 per gallon
Vick's Nyquil 6 oz $8.35 ......... $178.13 per gallon
Pepto Bismol 4 oz $3.85 .......... $123.20 per gallon
Whiteout 7 oz $1.39 ............... $25.42 per gallon
Scope 1.5 oz $0.99 ................. $84.48 per gallon

and this is the REAL KICKER......

Evian water 9 oz for $1.49 . $21.19 per gallon.

$21.19 FOR WATER! And the buyers don't even know the source. Yes, and the name Evian, is Naive turned around, and the Canadians are selling it by the millions of gallons to the US. Good thing cars don't run on Evian water or Nyquil.

++
The following are Windows messages that you really don't want to see:

 1. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.

 2. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.

 3. Press any key except... no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!

 4. Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.

 5. This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?

 6. Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"

 7. This is a message from God Gates: "Rebooting the world. Please log off."

 8. To "shut down" your system, type "WINFREEZE"

 9. BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.

10. COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup in cup holder and press any key.

11. File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

12. Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.

13. Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)

14. WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL & PAPER.SYS)

15. User Error: Replace user.

16. Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)"

17. Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles have been confiscated. The police are on the way.

 - from Fred Frost

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http://www.ebaumsworld.com/bangbangbang.shtml

 - from Kevin Haggerty

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After digging to a depth of 100m last year, Russian scientists found traces of copper wiring dating back 1000 years, and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network one thousand years ago.

So as not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, American scientists dug 200m, and
headlines in the US newspapers read:- "US scientists have found traces of 2000 year old optical
fibres, and have concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high-tech digital telephone
1000 years earlier than the Russians" (Mumf note: this is curious as we didn't have "Americans" 2000 years ago.)

One week later,................

The Indian press reported the following:- " After digging as deep as 500m, Indian scientists have found absolutely nothing. They have concluded that 5000 years ago, their ancestors had wireless technology and they were using mobile phones ".

 - from Srinivas Yalavarthy

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Two strangers were seated next to each other on the plane when the guy turned to the beautiful blonde bimbo and made his move by saying, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The blond, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly, and said to the guy, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the player. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," said the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that
is?"

"Oh brother," said the guy. "I have no idea."

"Well, then," said the blond, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

 - from Carol Bagshaw

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