[Rhodes22-list] Dear Dogs...<humor>

[Mark Kaynor]

   Dear Dogs,

   When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch
positions with each other so there are still two dogs in the way.

   The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The
other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a
pawprint in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for
it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically
pleasing in the slightest.

   The stairway was not designed by Nascar and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help,
because I fall faster than you can run.

   I can not buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry
about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to
ensure you  comfort. Look at videos of dogs sleeping, they can
actually curl up in a ball.

   It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched
out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails
straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize
space used is nothing but doggy sarcasm.

   When I am playing the pinball machine, jumping up and trying to
grab the ball through the glass is not helpful. Barking at me because
I'm not helping you achieve your goal does not win you any extra
brownie points.

   My compact discs are not miniature frisbees.

   For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If
by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it
is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your
paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through
the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for
years, canine attendance is not mandatory.

   The proper order is kiss me, then go smell other dogs butts. I can
not stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you guys
to make.

   Sincerely,
   Your Owner