[Rhodes22-list] jokes

[Michael Meltzer]

I've never been a Ford man, but there has always been one that I liked...

http://www.sandersonsales.com/images/cars/eleanor/shoot_1/index.html

Enjoy!

 - from Tim Corcoran

--
Many think beauty is in the eye of the beholder (Mumf note: I believe the
phrase is "... in the eye of the beer holder"!), but for a group of Chinese
scientists it's in the double helix. Researchers at a university in China
teamed up with a local television station to find twenty "flawless" women
and obtain their DNA samples to find a common genetic link to unlock the
secret of beauty. Though the practical applications are not yet known, the
scientists are serious about the research. If they can crack the genetic
code, perhaps China will dominate the Miss Universe pageant for years to
come.

--
How Bad Are You Really?

Directions: Ask yourself the following questions. For every 'Yes' give
yourself 2 points. Then add up your points at the end to find out How Bad
Are You Really? It's that easy. (Mumf note: I got a 56 -- Yikes!)

Questions :

Have You Ever?
 1. Smoked?
 2. Been Drunk as hell?
 3. Screwed someone of the opposite sex?
 4. Screwed someone of the same sex?
 5. Shoplifted?
 6. Lied?
 7. Betrayed a friend?
 8. Been to jail?
 9. Smoked weed?
10. Done LSD?
11. Done any other illegal drug?
12. Given oral sex?
13. Received oral sex?
14. Screwed something not of the human race?
15. Screwed something not alive?
16. Cheated on someone?
17. Used someone?
18. Paid someone for sex? (Mumf note: buying them dinner to get in their
pants DOES count!)
19. Been paid for sex?
20. Played strip poker?
21. Skipped school?
22. Skipped school to get high/drunk?
23. Danced naked?
24. Danced naked in public?
25. Flashed someone?
26. Mooned someone?
27. Kissed someone?
28. Kissed someone of the same sex?
29. Held hands?
30. Hugged someone?
31. French kissed?
32. Had sexual fantasies?
33. Had gay/lesbian fantasies?
34. Stolen money?
35. Stolen money from family?
36. Stolen drugs from family?
37. Been convicted of a crime?
38. Dated someone because you heard they were 'easy'?
39. Had someone date you because they thought you were 'easy'?
40. Been called a whore?
41. Been called a bitch?
42. Watched porn?
43. Taped porn?
44. Watched porn you taped?
45. Kissed someone in a moving vehicle?
46. Screwed someone in a moving vehicle?
47. Used sex 'toys'?
48. Tried to kill yourself?
49. Tried to kill someone else?
50. Told someone you hated them?
51. Told someone you loved them and didn't mean it?

The highest possible score is 102 at the end. It's that easy... Feel free to
reply back with your score!

 - from Kevin Haggerty (Mumf note: Kevin got a 44)

--
It's been more than 50 years since Helsinki hosted the Summer Olympics, but
some of the world's finest athletes still find their way to Finland each
August to answer the call of international competition.

And if that call has an annoying ring, it must be time for the Mobile Phone
Throwing World Championships.

This year's event, held Aug. 23 in Savonlinna, Finland, was taken by native
son Samu Santala, whose winning throw in the "original" style category
measured 66.62 meters, or nearly 219 feet. While an impressive feat of
technology tossing, it was 10 centimeters (roughly 4 inches) shy of last
year's record-setting throw of 66.72 meters by fellow Finn Petri Valta.

In the "original" category, phone heavers use an over-the-shoulder technique
and are judged on distance. Freestyle contestants are judged on "style and
aesthetics," although event organizers didn't elaborate on their Web site.

There were a total of 89 competitors from nine countries at this year's
event, with 37 people competing in individual categories, 30 in team
categories and 22 in the junior contests. Contestants are supplied with a
variety of Nokias, Ericssons and other types of phones to launch, and
because of some quirk of the rules, the devices include their original
batteries.

Now in its fourth year, the event celebrates users' collective irritation
with their mobile devices and is hosted by Fennolingua, a
language-translation service provider based in Finland.

--
ST. LOUIS (Aug. 28) - Crazy carp have invaded Missouri's rivers. Two species
of nonnative carp have been jumping into boats, injuring occupants and
damaging the watercraft.

A state fisheries biologist motoring near Columbia had a filling knocked out
of his tooth by a high-flying fish that struck him on the side of the head.
Another state biologist in the St. Charles area was seriously hurt when he
was hit by a giant carp.

Brian Todd of the Missouri Department of Conservation said the big head carp
and silver carp were brought to private fish hatcheries from Asia by the
aquaculture industry. They were intended to eat excess algae and waste in
aquaculture ponds - which grow fish for food as well as bait and tropical
fish. But they escaped in floodwaters in 1993, 1995 and 2002.

"This could be an indefinite problem," Todd said. "They are safe to eat, but
ecologically they could damage the mussel population and are competing with
native fish for food. We are going to hear more and more over the next few
years about the problems these fish are causing, especially injuries to
boaters and anglers."

Todd said the carp have been spotted in many of Missouri's rivers, including
throughout the Missouri River.

"The sound of a propeller under water makes these fish go crazy," Todd said.
"The fish don't jump if you're sitting there without the motor on, but the
higher the RPMs, the greater the noise, the higher these fish jump."

 - from Jimi Pocius

--