[Rhodes22-list] jokes, today must be 911

[Michael Meltzer]

I see a lot of people yelling for peace but I have not heard of a plan for
peace. So, here's one plan:

 1. The US will apologize to the world for our "interference" in their
affairs, past & present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Tojo, Noriega,
Milosovich and the rest of those 'good ole boys.' We will never "interfere"
again.
 2. We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with
Germany, South Korea and the Philippines. They don't want us there. We would
station troops at our borders. No one sneaking through
holes in the fence.
 3. All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave.
We'll give them a free trip home. After 90 days the remainder will be
gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of who or where they are.
France would welcome them.
 4. All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days
unless given a special permit. No one from a terrorist nation would be
allowed in. If you don't like it there, change it yourself and don't hide
here. Asylum would never be available to anyone. We don't need any more cab
drivers or 7-11 cashiers.
 5. No "students" over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they don't
attend classes, they get a "F" and it's back home baby.
 6. The US will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient energy wise.
This will include developing non-polluting sources of energy but will
require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan
wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while.
 7. Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for
their oil. If they don't like it, we go some place else. They can go
somewhere else to sell their production. (About a week of the wells filling
up the storage sites would be enough.)
 8. If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will
not "interfere." They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement
or whatever they need. Besides most of what we give them is stolen or given
to the army. The people who need it most get very little, if anything.
 9. Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island some place. We don't need
the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a
good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.
10. All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can
call us "Ugly Americans" any longer.

Now, ain't that a winner of a plan?!

The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying 'Give me your poor, your tired,
your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, 'You want
a piece of me?'"

 - from Stacy Groark

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If you are at all adverse to fueling the Middle East by buying their
gasoline, this Email my wife passed along to me may be of some interest.
Also, during the high prices, I found these people to be some of the lowest.
Here is an interesting solution to our problems...

Those in advertising and marketing know the power of the consumer: Instead
of putting a flag sticker on your car, read and follow the following if you
really want to fight terrorism. Every time you fill up the car, you can
avoid putting more money into the coffers of the Middle East. Just buy from
gas companies that don't import their oil from there. Nothing is more
frustrating than the feeling that every time I fill-up the tank, I am
sending my money to people who are trying to kill me, my family, and my
friends. I thought it might be interesting for you to know which oil
companies are the best to buy gas from.

Do not buy from:
Major companies that import Middle Eastern oil (for the
period 9/1/00 - 8/31/01)
Shell................ 205,742,000 barrels
Chevron/Texaco....... 144,332,000 barrels
Exxon /Mobil......... 130,082,000 barrels
Marathon............. 117,740,000 barrels
Amoco................  62,231,000 barrels

If you do the math at $30/barrel, these imports amount to over $18 BILLION!

Here are some large companies that do NOT import Middle Eastern oil:
Citgo................ 0 barrels
Sunoco............... 0 barrels
Conoco............... 0 barrels
Sinclair............. 0 barrels
BP/Phillips.......... 0 barrels
Hess................. 0 barrels

All of this information is available from the Department of Energy and can
be easily documented. Refineries located in the U.S. are required to state
where they get their oil and how much they are importing. They report on a
monthly basis. Keep this list in your car; share it with your friends. Stop
paying for terrorism!

 - from Joe "I Ain't No Saint" Lawrence

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