[Rhodes22-list] jokes

[Michael Meltzer]

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=4146756343

 - from Chris Helin

--
Last week I purchased a burger at Burger King for $1.58. The counter girl
took my $2 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my
pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3
pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her
discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she
hailed the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction to
her, she stood there and cried. Why do I tell you this? Please read more
about the "history of teaching math":

Teaching Math In 1950

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5
of the price. What is his profit?


Teaching Math In 1960

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5
of the price, or $80. What is his profit?


Teaching Math In 1970

A logger exchanges a set "L" of lumber for a set of "M" of money. The
cardinality of set "M" is 100. Each element is worth one dollar. Make 100
dots representing the elements of the set "M." The set "C," the cost of
production, contains 20 fewer points than set "M." Represent the set "C" as
a subset of set "M." Answer this question: What is the cardinality of the
set "P" of profits?


Teaching Math In 1980

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80
and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.


Teaching Math In 1990

By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the logger makes $20. What do you
think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after
answering the question: How did the forest birds and squirrels feel as the
logger cut down the trees. (There are no wrong answers)


Teaching Math In 2000

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is
$120. How does Arthur Anderson determine that his profit margin is $60?


Teaching Math In 2010

El hachero vende un camion carga por $100. La cuesta de production es...


 - from Jay Pocius

--
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever,
because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but
we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
 --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I
can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all
those flies and death and stuff."
 --Mariah Carey

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your
life."
 --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal
anti-smoking campaign.

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
 --Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in
the country,"
 --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the
president."
 --Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm
just the one to do it,"
 --A congressional candidate in Texas.

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
 --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in
our air and water that are doing it."
 --Al Gore, Vice President

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
 --Dan Quayle

"It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or
another"
 --George Bush, US President

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
 --Lee Iacocca

"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the
truth. I assisted in furthering that version."
 --Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like
Norman Einstein."
 --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst (Mumf note: and
no genius)

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of
people."
 --Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
 --Bill Clinton, President

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
 --Al Gore, VP

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
 --Keppel Enderbery

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received
notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is
a change in your circumstances."
 --Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go
to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next
morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
 --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

 - from Jimi Pocius