[Rhodes22-list] jokes

[Michael Meltzer]

http://www.killsometime.com/games/game.asp?Game=Butt-Hunter

 - from Rob Brucato

--
Alan Keyes doesn't just have political aspiration, he's got political
perspiration. You can't really buy the former, but you can buy the latter --
on eBay. An Illinois man evidently got hold of a napkin the sweaty Keyes
used to blot his bedraggled brow during a rally for his Senate candidacy.
The "sweat nap," lovingly wrapped in a plastic bag and called "a part of
American history," has gotten bids of more than $500 so far. The money will
go into the Keyes campaign. It's the perfect gift for the Republican who has
everything -- except drops from Alan Keyes' forehead. Maybe tomorrow someone
will auction a vial of Walter Mondale's elbow grease.

--
Finally -- a cell phone that has some bling to go with that ring. People in
Japan who own certain 3G mobile phones can use them to pay for stuff. No
need to dig into their back pockets for their wallets or to go on a special
spelunking trip into the depths of their purses. Using wireless giant NTT
DoCoMo's network, the phone, which packs a smart card filled with personal
financial data, conducts transactions with cash registers and ATMs that are
equipped to "talk" to it. Another plus of the wireless wallet? No more
fumbling around trying to figure out which end of the magnetic strip to
swipe.

--
(Mumf note: this next one is good for escaping dull meetings!)

Cingular Wireless and Virgin Mobile both offer services where you can
arrange to be called during your outing. You pick the time of the call --
kinda like a wakeup call, only it's more of a "wake up and smell the loser"
call. A recorded voice offers you a good escape line -- a popular one now is
to pretend that your absent-minded roommate got locked out of the apartment
(not again!). You can then bail or ignore the call if the date's going well.
Cingular's Escape-A-Date costs $4.99 per month, and Virgin Mobile's Rescue
Ring service is a quarter per call. Ability to lose a loser without losing
all your dignity? Priceless.

--
STUART, Fla. -- A dramatic rescue ended tragically in Stuart, Florida, a
rescue so difficult firefighters say they have never seen anything like it.

It happened late Tuesday night and early Wednesday morning at the home of a
600-pound woman who was having trouble breathing. Rescuers went in not
knowing how difficult it would be to get her out. 40-year-old Gail Grinds
was literally stuck to her couch and had to be removed surgically at the
hospital.

Authorities estimate she had been on the couch anywhere from two to five
years.

Martin County Fire and Rescue crews faced what seemed to be an impossible
mission. Everyone going inside had to wear protective gear. The stench was
so powerful they had to blast in fresh air.

They tried to cut out the front door, but at four-and-a-half feet wide, it
wouldn't work. They had to cut plywood since a normal stretcher wouldn't do.

An ambulance was too small, so they brought in a trailer to get her out.
While rescue crews came up with a back-door rescue plan, detectives secured
what had become a crime scene, questioning family members about how it got
so bad.

Using planks, they loaded the woman on to the trailer, still attached to the
couch. Removing her would be too painful, since her body is grafted to the
fabric. After years of staying put, her skin has literally become one with
the sofa and it must be surgically removed.

Detectives are investigating whether they have a case of neglect, or if it
is simply a very sad story.

Grinds was taken to the Martin Memorial hospital where doctors removed her
from the couch, but she died in spite of all the attempts to save her life.

 - from Brian DeMatteo

--
Some entertainment for your hectic workday.

http://igel.t-online.de/slickball/slickball.htm

 - from Paul Perrotti

--
There's a pall hanging over Silicon Valley -- and it's not the kind of
overcast gloom you'll see on Doppler Weather Radar. According to a recent
study, workers in the Bay Area are the gloomiest in the country, with nearly
one out of every three worried about losing their jobs. The cynicism is
understandable -- the area has seen 231,000 jobs vanish since December 2000.