[Rhodes22-list] jokes

[michael meltzer]

The President, the First Lady, and Dick Cheney are
flying on Air Force 
One.

George looks at Laura, chuckles and says, "You know, I
could throw A 
100.00
bill out the window right now and make somebody very
happy."

Laura shrugs her shoulders and says, "Well, I could
throw ten $10.00 
bills
out the window and make 10 people very happy."

Cheney says, "Of course then, I could throw
one-hundred $1.00 bills out 
the
window and make a hundred people very happy."

The pilot rolls his eyes, looks at all of them and
says to his 
co-pilot,
"Such Big shots back there..... hell, I could throw
all of them out the
window and make millions of people happy."

 - from Jimi Pocius

--
 'Twas The Night Before Christmas,
 He Lived All Alone,
 In A One Bedroom House
 Made Of Plaster And Stone.

 I Had Come Down The Chimney
 With Presents To Give,
 And To See Just Who
 In This Home Did Live.

 I Looked All About,
 A Strange Sight I Did See,
 No Tinsel, No Presents,
 Not Even A Tree.

 No Stocking By Mantle,
 Just Boots Filled With Sand,
 On The Wall Hung Pictures
 Of Far Distant Lands.

 With Medals And Badges,
 Awards Of All Kinds,
 A Sober Thought
 Came Through My Mind.

 For This House Was Different,
 It Was Dark And Dreary,
 I Found The Home Of A Soldier,
 Once I Could See Clearly.

 The Soldier Lay Sleeping,
 Silent, Alone,
 Curled Up On The Floor
 In This One Bedroom Home.

 The Face Was So Gentle,
 The Room In Such Disorder,
 Not How I Pictured
 A United States Soldier.

 Was This The Hero
 Of Whom I'd Just Read?
 Curled Up On A Poncho,
 The Floor For A Bed?

 I Realized The Families
 That I Saw This Night,
 Owed Their Lives To These Soldiers
 Who Were Willing To Fight.

 Soon Round The World,
 The Children Would Play,
 And Grownups Would Celebrate
 A Bright Christmas Day.

 They All Enjoyed Freedom
 Each Month Of The Year,
 Because Of The Soldiers,
 Like The One Lying Here.

 I Couldn't Help Wonder
 How Many Lay Alone,
 On A Cold Christmas Eve
 In A Land Far From Home.

 The Very Thought
 Brought A Tear To My Eye,
 I Dropped To My Knees
 And Started To Cry.

 The Soldier Awakened
 And I Heard A Rough Voice,
 "Santa Don't Cry,
 This Life Is My Choice;

 I Fight For Freedom,
 I Don't Ask For More,
 My Life Is My God,
 My Country, My Corps."

 The Soldier Rolled Over
 And Drifted To Sleep,
 I Couldn't Control It,
 I Continued To Weep.

 I Kept Watch For Hours,
 So Silent And Still
 And We Both Shivered
 From The Cold Night's Chill.

 I Didn't Want To Leave
 On That Cold, Dark, Night,
 This Guardian Of Honor
 So Willing To Fight.

 Then The Soldier Rolled Over,
 With A Voice Soft And Pure,
 Whispered, "Carry On Santa,
 It's Christmas Day, All Is Secure."

 One Look At My Watch,
 And I Knew He Was Right.
 "Merry Christmas My Friend,
 And To All A Good Night."

 - from Rob Brucato

--
American Immigrants to Canada

The flood of American liberals sneaking across the
border into Canada 
has
intensified in the past week, sparking calls for
increased patrols to 
stop
the illegal immigration.

The re-election of President Bush is prompting the
exodus among 
left-leaning
citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt,
pray and agree with 
Bill
O'Reilly. Canadian border farmers say its not uncommon
to see dozens of
sociology professors, animal rights activists and
Unitarians crossing 
their
fields at night. "I went out to milk the cows the
other day, and there 
was a
Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba
farmer Red
Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The
producer was cold,
exhausted and hungry. "He asked me if I could spare a
latte and some
free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he
left. Didn't even 
get
a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield
erected higher 
fences
but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing
speakers that 
blare
Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective,"
he said. "The
liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows
so much they 
wouldn't
give milk."

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers
who meet liberals 
near
the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station
wagons, drive them 
across
the border and leave them to fend for themselves. "A
lot of these 
people are
not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario border
patrolman said. 
"I
found one carload without a drop of drinking water.
They did have a 
nice
little Napa Valley Cabernet, though." When liberals
are caught, they're 
sent
back across the border, often wailing loudly that they
fear retribution 
from
conservatives.

Rumors have been circulating about the Bush
administration establishing
re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to
drink domestic 
beer
and watch NASCAR. In the days since the election,
liberals have turned 
to
sometimes ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some
have taken to 
posing
as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian
prescription 
drugs.
After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in
powdered wigs,
Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses
and quizzing the
supposed senior-citizen passengers. "If they can't
identify the 
accordion
player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious
about their age," 
an
official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal
immigrants are 
creating
an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good
Susan Sarandon 
movies.
"I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian
economy just 
can't
support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many
art-history majors 
does
one country need?"

In an effort to ease tensions between the United
States and Canada, 
Vice
President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador
and pledged that 
the
administration would take steps to reassure liberals,
a source close to
Cheney said. "We're going to have some Peter, Paul &
Mary concerts, and 
we
might put some endangered species on postage stamps.
The president is
determined to reach out."

 - from Lucy Nicoll

--



		
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