[Rhodes22-list] jokes

[Michael Meltzer]

Understanding Engineers - (Take One)

Two engineering students riding across campus: One said, "Where did you get
such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my
own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike
to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want'."

The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably
wouldn't have fit."


Understanding Engineers - (Take Two)

To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.


Understanding Engineers - (Take Three)

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting for a particularly slow
group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have
been waiting for 15 minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"

The pastor said, "Hey, here comes George, the greens keeper. Let's have a
word with him. Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're
rather slow, aren't they?"

George replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost
their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let
them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think
I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'll contact my ophthalmologist buddy and
see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"


Understanding Engineers - (Take Four)

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.


Understanding Engineers - (Take Five)

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible
designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just
look at all the joints."

"No", said another, "it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has
many thousands of electrical connections."

The last one said, "Actually it must have been a civil engineer. Who else
would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"


Understanding Engineers - (Take Six)

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it...
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features
yet.


Understanding Engineers - (Take Seven)

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid
foundation for an enduring relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion
and mystery he found there.

The engineer said, "I like both."

"Both?"

Engineer replied, "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each
assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab
and get some work done."


Understanding Engineers - (Take Eight)

An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess!"

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up
again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess,
I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, returned it to
the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."

Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his
pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything
you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girl
friend, but a talking frog......now that's cool!"

 - from Jimi Pocius

--
I hate hoax warnings, but this one is important. Please send this to
everyone.

If a man comes to your front door and says he is conducting a survey and
asks you to show him your ass, DO NOT show him your ass.

This is a SCAM!!!!! He only wants to see your ass!!!!!!!!

I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid and cheap

 - from Kevin Haggerty

--