[Rhodes22-list] jokes

[Michael Meltzer]

An 86 year old man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached
the desk, the receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor
for today?"

"There's something wrong with my dick," he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a
crowded office and say things like that."

"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.

The receptionist replied, "You've obviously caused some embarrassment in
this roomful of people. You should have said there is something wrong with
your ear or something and then discussed the problem further with the doctor
in private."

The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people things in a room full of others,
if the answer could embarrass anyone."

The man walked out, waited several minutes and then reentered. The
receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"

"There's something wrong with my ear," he stated.

The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her
advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?"

"I can't piss out of it," the man replied.

The doctor's office erupted in laughter

 - from Peter Kent

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It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new
Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild.

Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught
the old secrets, and when he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the
weather was going to be. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to
his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members
of the village should collect wood to be prepared.

But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He
went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked

"Is the coming winter going to be cold ?"

"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed," the
meteorologist at the weather service responded.

So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood
in order to be prepared. A week later, he called the National Weather
Service again. "Is it going to be a very cold winter ?"

"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "It's definitely
going to be a very cold winter."

The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every
scrap of wood they could find. Two weeks later, he called the National
Weather
Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very
cold?"

"Absolutely," the man replied. "It's going to be one of the coldest winters
ever."

"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.

The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting wood like crazy."

 - from Jimi Pocius

--
12. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway...
11. Life is sexually transmitted...
10. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die...
 9. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use
the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks...
 8. Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but
you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs...
 7. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying
of nothing...
 6. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again...
 5. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to
criticism...
 4. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a
substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?
 3. In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is
weird and people take Prozac to make it normal...
 2. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to
realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first...

AND THE #1 THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:

You read about all these Terrorists - most of them came here legally, but
they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years.
Now, compare that to Blockbuster: you are two days late with a video and
those people are all over you. I think we should put Blockbuster in charge
of Immigration & Homeland Security

 - from Carol Bagshaw

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