[Rhodes22-list] Political Joke (for a change)

[Lloyd]

This just in from a Canadian friend who copied it from an advanced issue of his local newspaper.

AMERICANS WITH NO ABILITIES ACT PASSES CONGRESS

May 23, 2005 WASHINGTON, DC (AP) - Congress approved sweeping
legislation, which provides new benefits for many Americans.
The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA), signed into law
by President John Kerry shortly after its passage, is being
hailed as a major victory by advocates of the millions of
Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence
and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for
themselves
in society," said Kerry, a longtime AWNA supporter.

"This is why many of them voted for me. We can no longer
stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and
passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer
be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers,
simply because they do a better job, or have some idea of
what they are doing", said Kerry.

President! t Kerry pointed to the success of the US Postal
Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing
opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately
80 percent of postal employees lack job skills, making this
agency the single largest US employer of Persons of Inability.

Private sector industries with good records of
nondiscrimination against the Inept include retail sales
(72%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement
"warehouse" stores (65%).

President Kerry has also set an example, personally
selecting hundreds of Non-abled people for top government
positions, including many cabinet-level jobs.

Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than
25 million "middle man" positions will be created, with
important-sounding titles but little real responsibility,
thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions
will be given, to guarantee upward mobility for even the
most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides
substantial tax breaks to corporations which maintain
a significant level of Persons of Inability in top
positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium
businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for
every two talented hires.

Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make
it more difficult to discriminate against the Non-abled,
banning discriminatory interview questions such as
"Do you have any goals for the future?" or "Do you have
any skills or experience which relate to this job?" and
"Are you awake?"

"As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up
with people who have something going for them," said Mary
Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at
the GM plant in Flint, MI due to her lack of notable job
skills. "This new law should really help people like me."

With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of
other untalented citizens can finally see a light at
the end of the tunnel.

Said Kerry, "It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each
and every American citizen, regardless of his or her
adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this
great nation

Former President George W. Bush was the first to apply for employment under this act after the National Guard said they wouldn't let him back in to finish his tour of duty. He was immediately given a high level position at Enron with a corner office and a window where he can watch the Texas Rangers play. Mary Lou Gertz is now pursuing legal action for that job on the basis that George W. does have ambition and only lacks real skills.