[Rhodes22-list] Quote Stan

[Michael Meltzer]

SIX PRESIDENTS ON A SINKING SHIP

FORD: "What do we do?"

BUSH: "Man the lifeboats!"

REAGAN: "What lifeboats?"

CARTER: "Women first!"

NIXON: "Screw the women!"

CLINTON: "You think we have time?"
>
 - from Kevin Haggerty

"I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she
explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my
house."

"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the
weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light." The lady agreed, and the two
men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They
enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney.

It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that
it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski
weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that
good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up North
about 9 months ago?"

"Yes, I do." said Bob

"Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the
house and pay her a visit?"

"Well, um, yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out. "I
have to admit that I did."

"And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"

Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm
afraid I did. Why do you ask?"

"She just died and left me everything."

(And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you?)

Now keep that smile for the rest of the day.

 - from Ron Nichols

--
A man and his wife were about to celebrate 50 years together. Their three
kids, all very successful and wealthy agreed to a Sunday dinner in honor of
their parents. As usual, they were all late and had a varied assortment of
excuses.

"Happy anniversary mom and dad," gushed son number one.... "Sorry I'm
running late...had an emergency, you know how it is, didn't have time to get
you both a present."

"Not to worry," said the dad. "The important thing is that we're all
together today."

Son number two arrived and announced, "You and mom still look great dad.
Just flew in from L.A. and didn't have time to get you a present... sorry."

"It's nothing," said the father, glad you were able to be here."

Just then the daughter arrived. "Hello you both, happy anniversary! I'm
sorry but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy
packing.... so I didn't have time to get you guys anything."

Again the father said, "I really don't care, at least the five of us are
together today."

During dinner, the father put down his knife and fork, looked up and said,
"Listen you three, there's something your mother and I wanted to tell you
for a long time. Well... your mother and I came to this country penniless
and desperate. Despite this, we were able to raise each of you and send you
to college. We always knew we loved each other but.....never got around to
getting married."

The three kids gasped and said, "You mean we're BASTARDS?"

"Yep," said the dad....."and cheap ones too...."

 - from Jim Turner (Mumf note: I'll be partying at the Turner's this
weekend -- enjoy Labor day!)

--
An old gent moved into a retirement community where good-looking, eligible
men are at a premium. After he had been there for a week, he went to
confession and said, "Bless me father, for I have sinned. Last week I had my
way with seven different women."

The priest said, "Take seven lemons, squeeze them into a glass and drink the
juice without pausing."

"Will that cleanse me of my sins, Father?"

"No," replied the priest, "but it'll wipe that grin off your Face."

 - from Keith Davis

--

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Robert Skinner" <robert at squirrelhaven.com>
To: "The Rhodes 22 mail list" <rhodes22-list at rhodes22.org>
Sent: Friday, September 03, 2004 5:56 PM
Subject: Re: [Rhodes22-list] Quote Stan


> Grayson/Ena Lynn wrote:
>> For some of us, even one virgin is beyond counting.
> 
> Oh, come now.  Even in West Virginia, there are 
> some girls who can run faster than their brothers...
> 
> /Bob
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>