[Rhodes22-list] Living will. (new form)

[R22RumRunner at aol.com]

Living  Will 



I, _________________________ (fill in the  blank), being of sound mind and 
body, unequivocally declare that in the event of  a catastrophic injury, I do 
not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial  means. I hereby instruct 
my loved ones and relatives to remove all life-support  systems, once it has 
been determined that my brain is longer functioning in a  cognizant realm. 
However, that judgment should be made only after thorough  consultation with 
medical experts; i.e., individuals who actually have been  trained, educated and 
certified as doctors. 

Under no circumstances -- and I can't  state this too strongly -- should my 
fate be put in the hands of peckerwood  politicians who couldn't pass 
ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it.  Furthermore, it is my firm hope 
that, when the time comes, any discussion about  terminating my medical treatment 
should remain private and  confidential.

Living in Florida, however, I am acutely aware that the  legislative and 
executive branches of state government are fond of meddling in  family matters, 
and have little concern for the privacy and dignity of  individuals.

Therefore, I wish to make my views on this subject as clear  and unambiguous 
as possible. Recognizing that some politicians seem cerebrally  challenged 
themselves (and with no medical excuse), I'll try to keep this simple  and to the 
point:

1. While remaining sensitive to the feelings of loved  ones who might cling 
to hope for my recovery, let me state that if a reasonable  amount of time 
passes ! -- say, ____ (fill in the blank) months -- and I fail to  sit sit up and 
ask for a cold beer, it should be presumed that I won't ever get  better. When 
such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my spouse,  children and 
attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call  it a day.

2. Under no circumstances shall the members of the Legislature  enact a 
special law to keep me on life-support machinery. It is my wish that  these 
boneheads mind their own damn business, and pay attention instead to the  health, 
education and future of the millions of Floridians who aren't in a  permanent 
coma.

3. Under no circumstances shall the governor of Florida butt into this case 
and order my doctors  to put a feeding tube down my throat or through a hole 
into my abdomen to  keep me alive. I don't care how many fundamentalist votes 
he's trying to  scrounge for his run for the presidency in 2008, it is my wish 
that he plays  politics with someone else's life and leaves me to die in peace.

4. I  couldn't care less if a hundred religious zealots send e-mails to 
legislators in  which they pretend to care about me. I don't know these people, and 
I certainly  haven't authorized them to preach and crusade on my behalf. They 
should mind  their own business, too.

5. It is my heartfelt wish to expire quietly and  without a public spectacle. 
This is obviously impossible once elected officials  become involved. So, 
while recognizing the wrenching emotions that attend the  prolonged death of a 
loved one, I hereby instruct my relatives to settle all  disagreements about my 
care in private or in the courts, as provided by law. If  any of my family 
goes against my wishes and turns my case into a political  cause, I hereby 
promise to come back from the grave and make his or her  existence a living Hell