[Rhodes22-list] Humor.

[R22RumRunner at aol.com]

Ole and Lena were out walking and Lena clutched  her heart and fell to the 
sidewalk.  Ole got out his cell phone and called  9-1-1.  The Operator said 
"Where are you?"  Ole said "we were walking  and Lena is on the sidewalk on 
Eucalyptus Street"  The operator said, "How  do you spell that."  and the phone 
seemed to go dead.  The operator  kept shouting for Ole.  She could hear him 
panting.  Then he came back  on and said, "I dragged her over to Oak St, that's 
O-A-K"  .  
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Two Norwegian hunters from Minnesota got a pilot to fly them to  Canada to 
hunt moose. They bagged six. As they started loading the plane for  the! return 
trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose. The two  lads 
objected strongly. "Last year we shot six and the pilot let us put them all  on 
board; he had the same plane as yours." Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and  all 
six were loaded. However, even on full power, the little plane couldn't  handle 
the load and went down a few moments after take-off. Climbing out of the  
wreck one Norski asked the other, "Any idea where we are?" "Yaaah I tink we's  
pretty close to where we crashed last year." 

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Lena called the airlines information  desk and inquired, "How long does it 
take to fly from Minneapolis to Fargo?"  "Yust a minute", said the busy clerk. 
"Vell", said Lena, "if it has to go dat  fast, I tink I'll yust take da bus." 

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The judge had  just awarded a divorce to Lena, who had charged non-support.  
He said to  Ole, "I have decided to give your wife $400 a month for support." 
"Vell, dat's  fine, Judge," said Ole. "And vunce in a while I'll try to chip 
in a few buc! ks,  myself." 

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Lars the  bartender asked Ole, "Do ya know da difference between a Norvegian 
and a canoe?"  "No, I don't, "said Ole. "A canoe will sometimes tip," 
explained Lars.  

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Ole is so  cheap that after his airplane landed safely he grumbled, "Vell, 
dere gose five  dollars down da drain for dat flight insurance!" 

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Lars: "Ole,  stant in front of my car and tell me if da turn signals are 
working." Ole: "Yes,  No, Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No..." 

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Ole and Lena  got married. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing 
Minneapolis when Ole put  his hand on Lena's knee. Giggling, Lena said, "Ole, you can 
go a little farther  now if ya vant to." So Ole drove to Duluth. 

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Ole died. So  Lena went to the local paper to put a notice in the obituaries. 
The gentleman at  the counter, after offering his condolences, asked Lena 
what she would like to  say about Ole. Lena replied, "You yust put 'Ole died'." 
The gentleman, somewhat  perplexed, said, "That's it? Just 'Ole died.'? Surely, 
there must be something  more you'd like to say about Ole. If it's money 
you're concerned about, the  first five words are free.  We must say something 
more." So Lena pondered  for a few minutes and finally said, "O.K. You put 'Ole 
died. Boat for sale."  

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"Hey, Sven,"  said Ole. "How many Swedes does it take to grease a combine?" 
After Sven  replied, "I don't know." Ole said, "Only two, if you run them 
through real  slow." 

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(THIS ONE MADE  ME LAUGH TO TEARS....R.R.) Ole and Lars were on their very 
first train ride.  They had brought along bananas for lunch. Just as they began 
to peel them, the  train entered a long, dark tunnel. "Have you eaten your 
banana yet?" Ole asked  excitedly. "No," replied Lars. "Ve! ll, don't touch it 
den," Ole exclaimed."I  yust took vun bite and vent blind!" 

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Ole bought  Lena a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, Lars inquired 
how she was  doing with it. "Oh," said Ole, "I persuaded her to svitch to a 
clarinet." "How  come?" asked Lars. "Vell," Ole answered, "because vith a 
clarinet she can't  sing." 

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Ole and Lena  went to the ! Olympics. While sitting on a bench a lady turned 
to Ole and said,  "Are you a pole vaulter?" Ole said, "No, I'm Norvegian and 
my name isn't  Valter." 

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And dot's  enough!!