[Rhodes22-list] Hey Slim!

[brad haslett]

Slim, stumbled on this today fumbling arount the net
and thought you might enjoy it.  Brad

---------------

Musical Terms Commonly Misunderstood by Country &
Western Musicians, With Their Translated "Country"
Definitions 

12 Tone Scale -- The thing the State Police weigh your
tractor trailer truck with 

A 440 -- The highway that runs around Nashville 

Aeolian Mode -- How you like Mama's cherry pie
 
Altos -- Not to be confused with "Tom's toes,"
"Bubba's toes" or "Dori-toes" 

Arpeggio -- "Ain't he that storybook kid with the big
nose that grows?" 

Bach Chorale -- The place behind the barn where you
keep the horses 

Bass -- The things you run around in softball
 
Bassoon -- Typical response when asked what you hope
to catch, and when 

Big Band -- When the bar pays enough to bring two
banjo players
 
Bossa Nova -- The car your foreman drives
 
Cadenza -- That ugly thing your wife always vacuums
dog hair off of when company comes 

Cello -- The proper way to answer the phone 

Clarinet -- Name for your second daughter if you've
already used Betty Jo 

Clef -- What you try never to fall off of 

Bass Clef -- Where you wind up if you do fall off 

Conductor -- The man who punches your ticket to
Birmingham 

Cut Time -- Parole 

Cymbal -- What they use on deer-crossing signs so you
know what to sight-in your pistol with 

Diminished Fifth -- An empty bottle of Jack Daniels
 
First Inversion -- Grandpa's battle group at Normandy 

French Horn -- Your wife says you smell like a cheap
one when you come in at 4 a.m. 

Major Scale -- What you say after chasing wild game up
a mountain: "Damn! That was a major scale!" 

Melodic Minor -- Loretta Lynn's singing dad 

Minor Third -- Your approximate age and grade at the
completion of formal schooling 

Order of Sharps -- What a wimp gets at the bar 

Passing Tone -- Frequently heard near the baked beans
at family barbecues 

Perfect Fifth -- A full bottle of Jack Daniels 

Perfect Pitch -- The smooth coating on a freshly paved
road 

Pianissimo -- "Refill this beer bottle" 

Portamento -- A foreign country you've always wanted
to see 

Quarter Tone -- What most standard pickups can haul 

Relative Major -- An uncle in the Marine Corps 

Relative Minor -- A girlfriend 

Repeat -- What you do until they just expel you 

Ritard -- There's one in every family 

Sonata -- What you get from a bad cold or hay fever 

Staccato -- How you did all the ceilings in your
mobile home 

Tempo -- Good choice for a used car 

Time Signature -- What you need from your boss if you
forget to clock in 

Transpositions -- Men who wear dresses 

Treble -- Women ain't nothin' but 

Tuba -- A compound word: "Hey, woman! Fetch me another
tuba Bryll Cream!" 

Whole Note -- What's due after failing to pay the
mortgage for a year 

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