[Rhodes22-list] Music Humor - I think

[brad haslett]

Well Slim, I have just one thing to say about that.


FREEBIRD!


(come on man, I'm holding my lighter up in a hotel
room)

Brad


--- Steve Alm <salm at mn.rr.com> wrote:

> This would be funny if it weren't so damn true:
> 
> MUSICIANS ARE EXPERT MIND READERS
> 
> When requesting a song from the band, just say "play
> my song!"  We have a
> chip implanted in our heads with an unlimited
> database with the favorite
> tunes of every patron who ever walked into a bar & 
> all songs ever recorded,
> so feel free to be vague, we love the challenge.
> 
> If we do not remember exactly what tune you want,
> we're only kidding.
> Bands know every song ever recorded, so keep
> humming. Hum harder if need be
> ... it helps jog the memory.
> 
> If a band tells you they do not know a song you want
> to hear, they either
> forgot that they know the tune or they are just
> putting you on.  Try singing
> a few words for the band. Any words will do.
> 
> It also helps to scream your request from across the
> room several times per
> set followed by the phrases, "AW COME ON!" and, "YOU
> SUCK!"  Exaggerated
> hand gestures expressing disapproval from the dance
> floor are a big help as
> well, such as the thumbs down or your middle finger.
> Put-downs are the best
> way to jog a band's memory.  This instantly promotes
> you to the  status of
> "Personal Friend Of The Band."
> 
> Entertainers are notorious fakers & jokesters and
> never really prepare for
> their shows.  They simply walk on stage with no
> prior thought to what they
> will do once they arrive.  An entertainer's job is
> so easy, even  a monkey
> could do it, so don't let them off the hook easily. 
> Your request is all
> that matters.
> 
> If a metal band had played at the club a few weeks
> ago, the next band that
> follows will automatically know every metal tune the
> previous band ever
> played, even if the current band  is a blues or
> country band. It's the law.
> Feel free to yell AC DC or SLAYER!! to a band that
> plays strictly originals
> or jazz for example. Conversely, Deadheads may yell
> for Grateful Dead tunes
> at a dance or metal band.
> 
> 
> IMPORTANT
> 
> When an entertainer leans over to hear you better,
> grab his or her head in
> both hands and yell directly into their ear, while
> holding their head
> securely so they cannot pull away.
> This will be taken as an invitation to a friendly &
> playful game of tug of
> war between their head and your hands.
> 
> Don't give up! Hang on until the singer or guitar
> player submits. Drummers
> are often safe from this fun game since they usually
> sit in the back,
> protected by the guitar players.
> Keyboard players are protected by their instrument,
> & only play the game
> when tricked into coming out from behind their
> keyboards. Though difficult
> to get them play, it's not impossible, so keep
> trying. They're especially
> vulnerable during the break between songs.
> 
> 
> TALKING WITH THE BAND
> 
> The best time to discuss anything with the band in
> any meaningful way is at
> the middle of a song when all band members are
> singing at the same time.
> Our hearing is so advanced that we can pick out your
> tiny voice from the
> megawatt wall of sound blasting all around us.
> Musicians are expert lip
> readers too.  If a musician does not reply to your
> question or comment
> during a tune, it's because they didn't get a good
> look at your mouth in
> order to read your lips.
> 
> Simply continue to scream your request & be sure to
> over emphasize the words
> with your lips. This helps immensely.
> Don't be fooled.
> 
> Singers have the innate ability to answer questions
> & sing at the same time.
> If the singer doesn't answer your questions
> immediately, regardless of how
> stupid the question may seem, it's because they are
> purposely ignoring you.
> If this happens, immediately cop an attitude. We
> love this.
> 
> 
> HELPING THE BAND
> 
> If you inform the band that you are a singer, the
> band will appreciate your
> help with the next few tunes, or however long you
> can remain standing on
> stage.  Just pretend you're in a Karaoke bar. Simply
> feel free to walk up on
> stage & join in. By the way, the drunker you are,
> the better you sound, &
> the louder you should sing.
> 
> If by chance you fall off the  stage, be sure to
> crawl back up & attempt to
> sing harmony.  Keep in mind that nothing assists the
> band more than
> outrageous dancing, third & fourth part harmonies,
> or a tambourine played
> out of tempo.
> Try the cow bell, they love the challenge. The band
> always needs the help &
> will take this as a compliment.
> 
> 
> VERY IMPORTANT
> 
> Remember to allow enough time to make it from the
> stage to the bathroom in
> case of an emergency.  On stage accidents are bad
> form. The band will carry
> on.
> 
> 
> BONUS TIP
> 
> As a last resort, wait until the band takes a break
> and then get on stage
> and start playing their instruments.  They love
> this. Even if you are
> ejected from the club, you can rest assured in the
> fact that you have
> successfully completed your audition.  The band will
> call you immediately
> the following day to offer you a position.
> 
> 
> See you at the next gig ...
> The Band
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> __________________________________________________
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> 



		
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