[Rhodes22-list] Music Humor - I think

[Steve Alm]

Rummy, you're welcome.  See ya there.
Brad, you'd fit right in too.
Ed,  no, that's not a bad night.  It's EVERY night!   8-)
Slim

On 2/9/05 5:39 AM, "brad haslett" <flybrad at yahoo.com> wrote:

> Well Slim, I have just one thing to say about that.
> 
> 
> FREEBIRD!
> 
> 
> (come on man, I'm holding my lighter up in a hotel
> room)
> 
> Brad
> 
> 
> --- Steve Alm <salm at mn.rr.com> wrote:
> 
>> This would be funny if it weren't so damn true:
>> 
>> MUSICIANS ARE EXPERT MIND READERS
>> 
>> When requesting a song from the band, just say "play
>> my song!"  We have a
>> chip implanted in our heads with an unlimited
>> database with the favorite
>> tunes of every patron who ever walked into a bar &
>> all songs ever recorded,
>> so feel free to be vague, we love the challenge.
>> 
>> If we do not remember exactly what tune you want,
>> we're only kidding.
>> Bands know every song ever recorded, so keep
>> humming. Hum harder if need be
>> ... it helps jog the memory.
>> 
>> If a band tells you they do not know a song you want
>> to hear, they either
>> forgot that they know the tune or they are just
>> putting you on.  Try singing
>> a few words for the band. Any words will do.
>> 
>> It also helps to scream your request from across the
>> room several times per
>> set followed by the phrases, "AW COME ON!" and, "YOU
>> SUCK!"  Exaggerated
>> hand gestures expressing disapproval from the dance
>> floor are a big help as
>> well, such as the thumbs down or your middle finger.
>> Put-downs are the best
>> way to jog a band's memory.  This instantly promotes
>> you to the  status of
>> "Personal Friend Of The Band."
>> 
>> Entertainers are notorious fakers & jokesters and
>> never really prepare for
>> their shows.  They simply walk on stage with no
>> prior thought to what they
>> will do once they arrive.  An entertainer's job is
>> so easy, even  a monkey
>> could do it, so don't let them off the hook easily.
>> Your request is all
>> that matters.
>> 
>> If a metal band had played at the club a few weeks
>> ago, the next band that
>> follows will automatically know every metal tune the
>> previous band ever
>> played, even if the current band  is a blues or
>> country band. It's the law.
>> Feel free to yell AC DC or SLAYER!! to a band that
>> plays strictly originals
>> or jazz for example. Conversely, Deadheads may yell
>> for Grateful Dead tunes
>> at a dance or metal band.
>> 
>> 
>> IMPORTANT
>> 
>> When an entertainer leans over to hear you better,
>> grab his or her head in
>> both hands and yell directly into their ear, while
>> holding their head
>> securely so they cannot pull away.
>> This will be taken as an invitation to a friendly &
>> playful game of tug of
>> war between their head and your hands.
>> 
>> Don't give up! Hang on until the singer or guitar
>> player submits. Drummers
>> are often safe from this fun game since they usually
>> sit in the back,
>> protected by the guitar players.
>> Keyboard players are protected by their instrument,
>> & only play the game
>> when tricked into coming out from behind their
>> keyboards. Though difficult
>> to get them play, it's not impossible, so keep
>> trying. They're especially
>> vulnerable during the break between songs.
>> 
>> 
>> TALKING WITH THE BAND
>> 
>> The best time to discuss anything with the band in
>> any meaningful way is at
>> the middle of a song when all band members are
>> singing at the same time.
>> Our hearing is so advanced that we can pick out your
>> tiny voice from the
>> megawatt wall of sound blasting all around us.
>> Musicians are expert lip
>> readers too.  If a musician does not reply to your
>> question or comment
>> during a tune, it's because they didn't get a good
>> look at your mouth in
>> order to read your lips.
>> 
>> Simply continue to scream your request & be sure to
>> over emphasize the words
>> with your lips. This helps immensely.
>> Don't be fooled.
>> 
>> Singers have the innate ability to answer questions
>> & sing at the same time.
>> If the singer doesn't answer your questions
>> immediately, regardless of how
>> stupid the question may seem, it's because they are
>> purposely ignoring you.
>> If this happens, immediately cop an attitude. We
>> love this.
>> 
>> 
>> HELPING THE BAND
>> 
>> If you inform the band that you are a singer, the
>> band will appreciate your
>> help with the next few tunes, or however long you
>> can remain standing on
>> stage.  Just pretend you're in a Karaoke bar. Simply
>> feel free to walk up on
>> stage & join in. By the way, the drunker you are,
>> the better you sound, &
>> the louder you should sing.
>> 
>> If by chance you fall off the  stage, be sure to
>> crawl back up & attempt to
>> sing harmony.  Keep in mind that nothing assists the
>> band more than
>> outrageous dancing, third & fourth part harmonies,
>> or a tambourine played
>> out of tempo.
>> Try the cow bell, they love the challenge. The band
>> always needs the help &
>> will take this as a compliment.
>> 
>> 
>> VERY IMPORTANT
>> 
>> Remember to allow enough time to make it from the
>> stage to the bathroom in
>> case of an emergency.  On stage accidents are bad
>> form. The band will carry
>> on.
>> 
>> 
>> BONUS TIP
>> 
>> As a last resort, wait until the band takes a break
>> and then get on stage
>> and start playing their instruments.  They love
>> this. Even if you are
>> ejected from the club, you can rest assured in the
>> fact that you have
>> successfully completed your audition.  The band will
>> call you immediately
>> the following day to offer you a position.
>> 
>> 
>> See you at the next gig ...
>> The Band
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> 
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>> 
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> 
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