[Rhodes22-list] Drinking style(to quite around here)

[michael meltzer]

Astrological Drinking Styles

TAURUS Drinking style: Taurus prefers to drink at a
leisurely pace, 
aiming
for a mellow glow rather than a full-on zonk. Since a
truly intoxicated
Taurus is a one-person stampede, the kind of
bull-in-a-china-shop 
inebriate
who spills red wine on white carpets and tells fart
jokes to employers, 
the
preference for wining and dining (or Bud and buddies)
to body shots and
barfing is quite fortunate for the rest of us. This is
not to say that 
the
Bull is by any means a teetotaler -- god, no. A
squiffy Taurus will 
get, er,
gregarious (full of loudmouth soup, some would say)
and is extremely 
amusing
to drag to a karaoke bar when intoxicated.

ARIES Drinking style: Impulsive Aries people like to
party and 
sometimes
don't know when to call it a night. Their competitive
streak makes them
prone to closing-time shot contests. They're sloppy,
fun drunks, and 
they
get mighty flirty after a couple tipples. Getting
Aries people drunk is 
a
good way to get what you want out of them, should
other methods fail. 
Aries
can become bellicose when blotto, but they will assume
that whatever
happened should be forgiven (if not forgotten) by
sunrise. They can be
counted on to do the same for you -- so long as you
haven't gone and 
done
anything really horrible to them last night, you
sneaky Gemini.

GEMINI Drinking style: Gemini's can drink without
changing their 
behavior
much -- they're so naturally chatty and
short-attention-spanned that 
it's
just hard to tell sometimes. They can amaze you by
conversing with 
finesse
and allusion, then doing something to belie an
extremely advanced state 
of
intoxication, like puking in your shoe. Gemini's
possess the magic 
ability
to flirt successfully (and uninfuriatingly, which is
very tricky) with
several people at once. They like to order different
cocktails every
round -- repetition is boring -- and may create a
theme (like yellow 
drinks:
beer, sauvignon blanc and limoncello) for their own
amusement.

CANCER Drinking style: Cancer is a comfort drinker --
and an extra wine 
with
dinner or an after-work beer or six can be extra
comforting, can't it,
Cancer darling? Like fellow water signs Scorpio and
Pisces, Crabs must 
guard
against lushery. Cancers are brilliant at ferreting
out secret parties 
and
insinuating themselves on VIP lists -- and, in true
Hollywood style, 
Cancers
are never really drunk; instead, they get "tired and
emotional" (read: 
weepy
when lubricated). But there's nothing better than
swapping stories (and
spit) over a few bottles of inky red wine with your
favorite Cancer. 
Even
your second-favorite Cancer will do. The sign also
rules the flavor 
vanilla,
and you'd be adored if you served up a vanilla vodka
and soda.

LEO Drinking style: Leo likes to drink and dance --
they're often 
fabulous
dancers, and usually pretty good drinkers as well,
losing their 
commanding
dignity and turning kittenish. Of course, they're
quite aware they're
darling - Leos will be Leos, after all. They generally
know their 
limit,
probably because they loathe losing self-control. When
they get
over-refreshed, expect flirting to ensue -- and
perhaps not with the 
one
that brung them. But Leo's not the type to break rules
even when drunk, 
so
just try to ignore it (try harder, Cancer) and expect
a sheepish (and 
hung
over) Lion to make it up to you the next day.

VIRGO Drinking style: Cerebral Virgos are compelled to
impose order 
onto
their bender. Their famously fussy quest for purity
could lead to 
drinking
less than other signs, sure -- but it could also lead
to drinking booze
neat, to sucking down organic wine.. ( i totally went
thought the wine
phase...lol) or just to brand loyalty (that too). They
rarely get fully
shellacked -- but, oh, when they do! Virgo's
controlled by the 
intellect,
but there's an unbridled beast lurking within, and
they let it loose 
when
walloped. It's dead sexy (and surprisingly unsloppy).
As one Virgo 
friend
used to declare, "I'm going to drink myself into a low
level of 
intelligence
tonight." A toast to the subgenius IQ!

LIBRA Drinking style: "I'm jusht a social drinker,"
slurs Libra, "it's 
jusht
that I'm so damn social?" Libra loves nothing more
than to party, 
mingle and
relate to everyone. Whether dipped in favor of Good
Libra (with 
Insta-Friend
device set to "on") or heavier on the Evil Libra side
(they are little
instigators when bored), the Scales can really work a
room. Charming as 
they
are, Libras are notoriously lacking in self-control,
however, which can 
get
them into all sorts of trouble -- including wearing
their wobbly boots
waaaay too early in the evening, flirting with every
man/woman in the 
room
or even blacking out the night's events entirely.
Oops!

SCORPIO Drinking style: Don't ever tell Scorpios
they've had enough, 
for
they'll smirk at you and quietly but intentionally
keep tippling till
they're hog-whimpering drunk, out of 100-proof spite.
Scorpios like to
drink, and screw you if you have a problem with that.
Most of them see 
the
sauce as something to savor in itself, and not as a 
personality-altering
tool -- though if depressed, self-loathing Scorps seek
total 
obliteration.
But generally, they're fascinating drinking pals,
brilliant
conversationalists and dizzying flirts. They also
remember everything 
--
especially what you did when you were blitzed. Only
drink with a 
Scorpio who
likes you. (Mumf note: I am a Scorpio... and all that
that implies!)

SAGITTARIUS Drinking style: In vino veritas -- and,
for Sagittarius, in
booze blurtiness: When buttered, they'll spill all
your secrets and 
many of
their own. Tactlessness aside, Sagittarius is just
plain fun to drink 
with.
This is a sign of serious partying (what else would
you expect from the 
sign
of Sinatra, Keith Richards, the Bush twins and Anna
Nicole Smith?). 
They're
the people who chat up everyone in the room, then
persuade the entire 
crowd
to travel somewhere else -- like a nightclub, or a
playground, or 
Cancun.
Good-natured hijinks are sure to ensue (including a
high possibility of
loopy groping; spontaneous Sag is a brilliant booty
call).

CAPRICORN Drinking style: Capricorn is usually
described as practical,
steadfast, money-hungry and status-thirsty -- no
wonder they get left 
off
the astrological cocktail-party list. But this is the
sign of David 
Bowie
and Annie Lennox, not to mention Elvis. Capricorn is
the true rock 
star:
independent, powerful and seriously charismatic, not
too eager to 
please.
And if they make money being themselves, who are you
to quibble? But 
just
like most rock stars, they're either totally on or
totally off, and 
they
generally need a little social lubricant to loosen up
and enjoy the 
after
party, especially if they can hook up with a cute
groupie.

AQUARIUS Drinking style: Aquarius and drinking don't
go together that 
well
(except for water, that is). They have an innate
tendency toward
know-it-allism, and if they get an idea while sizzled,
they're more 
stubborn
than a stain or a stone. If they're throwing a party
or organizing an
outing, however, they're too preoccupied with their
duties to get
combative -- and they make perfectly charming drunks
in that case.
Fortunately, they're usually capital drink-nursers.
They also make the 
best
designated drivers (if you can get them before they
start raising their
wrist): Aquarius is fascinated by drunk people and
capable of holding
interesting conversations with soused strangers while
sober.

PISCES Drinking style: If you're a Pisces, you've
probably already 
heard
that you share a sign and an addictive personality --
with Liz Taylor, 
Liza
Minelli and Kurt Cobain. Not only do Pisces like to
lose themselves in 
the
dreamy, out-there feeling that only hooch can give,
but they build up a
mighty tolerance fast. Who needs an expensive date
like that? On the 
other
hand, they're fabulously enchanting partners, whether
in conversation 
or in
crime. With the right Pisces, you can start out
sharing a pitcher of
margaritas and wind up in bed together for days. The
phrase "addictive
personality" can be read two ways, you know




		
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