[Rhodes22-list] Brad's Funny

[brad haslett]

Here you go!

Instructions - In Honor of Stupid People

 

In case you needed further proof that the human race
is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual
label instructions on consumer goods.

 

On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.

(Damn, and that's the only time I have to work on my
hair).

 

No purchase necessary. Details inside.

(the shoplifter special?)

 

On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular
soap."

(and that would be how???)

 

On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion:
Defrost."

(but, it's "just" a suggestion)

 

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do
not turn upside down."

(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

 

Mark & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot
after heating "

(...and you thought????)

 

On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron
clothes on body."

(but wouldn't this save me more time?)

 

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a
car or operate machinery after taking this
medication."

(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction
accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with
head-colds off those forklifts.)

 

On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."

(and...I'm taking this because???)

 

On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or
outdoor use only.

(as opposed to what, under water?)

 

On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for
the other use."

(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit
curious.)

 

On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."

(talk about a news flash)

 

"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."

(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

 

On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this
garment does not enable you to fly."

(I blame the parents for this one.)

 

On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain
with your hands or genitals."

(Oh my God...was there a lot of this happening
somewhere?)

 



--- ed kroposki <ekroposki at charter.net> wrote:

> 
> Brad,
> 	This has been circulating the internet for at least
> a year.  Must
> have been here before you came back on.  Come on
> now, give us new material.
> 
> Ed K
> Greenville, SC, USA
> Addendum:  You have got the boat to go here: 
>
www.leonardsworlds.com/listing/port/port_st_thomas_virgin_is.htm
> 
> 
> -----Original Message-----
> From: rhodes22-list-bounces at rhodes22.org
> [mailto:rhodes22-list-bounces at rhodes22.org] On
> Behalf Of brad haslett
> Sent: Friday, June 03, 2005 3:55 PM
> To: rhodes22-list at rhodes22.org
> Subject: [Rhodes22-list] Not a Joke, just Dam Funny
> 
> This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan
> DeVries by the Michigan Department of Environmental
> Quality, State of Michigan.
> 
> This guy's response is hilarious, but read the
> State's
> letter before you get to the response letter. 
> 
> 
> 
> SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec.
> 20;
> Montcalm County
> 
> 
> 
>    Dear Mr. DeVries: 
> 
> It has come to the attention of the Department of
> Environmental Quality that there has been recent
> unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel
> of property. You have been certified as the legal
> landowner and/or contractor who did the following
> unauthorized activity: 
> 
> Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams
> across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.
> 
> A permit must be issued prior to the start of this
> type of activity.
> 
> A review of the Department's files shows that no
> permits have been issued.  Therefore, the Department
> has determined that this activity is in violation of
> Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural
> Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451
> of
> the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to
> 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated. 
> 
> The Department has been informed that one or both of
> the dam! s partially failed during a recent rain
> event, causing debris and flooding at downstream
> locations.  We find that dams of this nature are
> inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The
> Department therefore orders you to cease and desist
> all activities at this location, and to restore the
> stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood
> and brush forming the dams from the stream channel.
> All restoration work shall be completed no later
> than
> January 
> 31, 2003. 
> 
> Please notify this office when the restoration has
> been completed so that a follow-up site inspection
> may
> be scheduled by our staff.
> 
> Failure to comply with this request or any further
> unauthorized activity on the site may result in this
> case being referred for elevated enforcement action.
> 
> We anticipate and would appreciate your full
> cooperation in this matter.
> 
> Please feel free to contact me at this office if you
> have any questions. 
> 
> Si! ncerely, 
> David L. Price
> 
> District Representati ve and Water Management
> Division.  
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
>    Here is the actual response sent back by Mr.
> DeVries:  
> 
> 
> 
> Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20;
> Montcalm County.
> 
> 
> Dear Mr. Price, 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed
> to me to respond to.  I am the legal landowner but
> not
> the Contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan.
> 
> A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized)
> process of constructing and maintaining two wood
> "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring
> Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor
> supervise their dam project, I think they would be
> highly offended that you call their skillful use of
> natures building materials "debris."
> I would like to challenge your department to attempt
> to emulate their dam project any time and/or any
> place
> you choose.  I believe I can safely state there is
> no
> way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam
> resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam
> persistence, their dam determination and/or their
> dam
> work ethic. 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> As to your request, I do not think the beavers are
> aware that they must first fill out a dam permit
> prior
> to the start of this type of dam activity.
>  My first dam question to you is:
> (1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring
> Pond Beavers, or
> (2) do you require all beavers throughout this State
> to conform to said dam request?
> 
> If you are not discriminating against these
> particular
> beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I
> request completed copies of all those other
> applicable
> beaver dam permits that have been issued.  Perhaps
> we
> will see if there really is a dam violation of Part
> 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural
> Resource
> and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the
> Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to
> 324.30113 of  the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I have several concerns.  My first concern is;
> aren't
> the beavers entitled to legal representation?  The
> Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and
> are
> unable to pay for said representation -- so the
> State
> will have to provide them with a dam lawyer.
> The Department's dam concern that either one or both
> of the dams failed during a recent rain event,
> causing
> flooding, is proof that this is a natural
> occurrence,
> which the Department is required to protect.  In
> other
> words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone
> rather than harassing them and calling their dam
> names.
> 
> If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow
> condition please contact the beavers -- but if you
> are
> going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any
> attention to your dam letter, they being unable to
> read English. 
> 
> 
> 
=== message truncated ===



		
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