[Rhodes22-list] Brad: A follow up to the MN story

[Jim White]

Sven:
FYI you lefse lovers better be worried! I just found this in a science ag. 
journal:
    * New strains of Phytopthora infestans,better known as potato late 
blight, are far more aggressive than the pathogen that triggered the Irish 
potato famine of the 1840s, having evolved through sexual reproduction. 
Unlike the old strains, the new pathogen can survive harsh winters in the 
soil, further endangering crops.
just FYI
jw

At 07:23 PM 5/19/2005, you wrote:
>WARNING:  For any of you infidel Swedes or Catholics that might be thinking
>of desecrating any lefse,  I will hunt you down like the dogs you are!
>Sven
>
>On 5/19/05 7:12 PM, "Steve Alm" <salm at mn.rr.com> wrote:
>
> > OK, cut it out you guys!  I'm laughing too hard.  Obviously this is a false
> > report because never would a Packer fan and a Viking fan collaborate on
> > anything.  Tell 'em, Rummy!
> >
> > You just wait until the REAL story breaks:  The Lefse Scandal.
> >
> > Sven
> >
> > On 5/19/05 6:00 PM, "Jim White" <jdwhite at utpa.edu> wrote:
> >
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> Peace Elusive in Strife-Torn Midwest
> >>
> >> Decorah, IA - Long-simmering tensions in the volatile Midwest erupted into
> >> violence yesterday, as Lutheran extremists from the shadowy Uff Da group
> >> claimed responsibility for the early morning egging of Doug's Dairy Freeze
> >> and igniting a bag of dog excrement that claimed the left shoe of Decorah
> >> Mayor Harold Zander.
> >>
> >> In a taped statement broadcast during the Morning Soybean Report on radio
> >> station KOEL in nearby Oelwein, an Uff Da spokesman identified only as
> >> 'Commandante Greg' said that "the infidels have desecrated the Holy Land
> >> and now they have paid for their heresy," adding that "God is pretty 
> great,
> >> you betcha."
> >>
> >> Meanwhile, the Des Moines Register reported that the flare up would likely
> >> stall negotiations for the historic Midwest Accords.
> >>
> >> Reacting to the latest Presbyterian offer, Urbandale Honda-Acura spokesman
> >> Kevin Westergaard released a tersely worded statement declaring "I 
> dunno, I
> >> better talk to my manager about dat."
> >>
> >> Last night's attacks further cemented the Middle West's reputation as a
> >> powder keg of ethnic antagonism, religious extremism and delicious dairy
> >> products.
> >>
> >> While the recent events have focused public attention on the region, the
> >> roots of the current crisis can be traced back decades.
> >>
> >> Ancient Animosities
> >>
> >> Once described by former British Prime Minister Winston Churchill as "an
> >> enigma, wrapped in a riddle, surrounded by mystery, deep fried and covered
> >> with melted cheddar," the Midwest has long baffled outsiders.
> >>
> >> The region was first discovered in 1956 by Mark Polo, a Levittown, N.Y.
> >> accountant, while searching for an overland passage to Anaheim and the
> >> famed treasures of Disneyland.
> >>
> >> "Polo's young daughter had a notoriously weak bladder, so he was forced to
> >> seek emergency refuge at the ancient Stuckeys Oasis near Bettendorf, 
> Iowa,"
> >> explained Julian Whitby, a Senior Fellow at Harvard's Institute for 
> Midwest
> >> Studies. "He was impressed by the region's rich culture, gigantic pecan
> >> logs and sparkling clean restrooms."
> >>
> >> So impressed, in fact, that he wrote many postcards praising the area.
> >> Soon, dozens of station wagon caravans would venture west on Interstate 80
> >> - the legendary "Cornsilk Road" - in search of exotic jackalopes and
> >> comically giant ears of corn.
> >>
> >> This wave of strange outlanders from the East caused alarm among 
> Midwestern
> >> traditionalist.
> >>
> >> "Many, especially the Lutheran hierarchy, came to see the outsiders as a
> >> threat to their culture and way of life, infidel crusaders bent on
> >> pillaging their cinnamon rolls and Old Style," said Whitby.
> >>
> >> A Turning Point
> >>
> >> Regional tensions further escalated after the 1964 settlement of
> >> Presbyterian refugees from Pennsylvania near Zionsville, Indiana. Those
> >> tensions simmered steadily before finally erupting nearly a decade later.
> >>
> >> In 1973, enraged Lutherans challenge the Presbyterians to a slo-pitch
> >> softball game, and were subsequently humiliated 463-2. Adding insult, the
> >> Lutherans were forced to cede five kegs of Hamms to the victorious
> >> Presbyterians.
> >>
> >> While the fateful "7 Inning War" secured a Presbyterian presence in the
> >> region, it also stoked a new wave of resentment among Lutherans.
> >>
> >> A new generation of disaffected Lutheran youth from South Dakota to Ohio
> >> turned to violence, smashing Presbyterian mailboxes and crushing 
> themselves
> >> under Presbyterian holsteins during kamikaze cow tipping missions. But
> >> nothing has stoked Lutheran rage more than the influence of California.
> >>
> >> Many here see the state as the embodiment of evil, a dark force 
> funding the
> >> Presbyterians of Zionsville and corrupting Lutheran youth with its 
> decadent
> >> culture.
> >>
> >> Pastor Duane Gunderson, the enigmatic spiritual leader of the Uff Da
> >> movement, is outspoken in his condemnation of Californianism.
> >>
> >> "Does not Zionsville get its decadent softball uniforms from California?"
> >> Gunderson asked in a recent interview with the French newspaper Le Monde .
> >> "The West blasphemes the holy land with its extreme skateboards and
> >> pretentious shrimp and goat cheese pizzas. It is the infidel of a thousand
> >> infidels, dontcha know."
> >>
> >> The Voice of Lutheran Rage
> >>
> >> Although he disavowed any prior knowledge of yesterday's attacks, many
> >> believe the brooding, charismatic Gunderson was their mastermind.
> >>
> >> The son of a wealthy Minneapolis basement paneling contractor and school
> >> secretary, analysts say Gunderson was radicalized after a chance 1972
> >> meeting with teen actress Maureen McCormick, who played Marcia Brady 
> in the
> >> television program The Brady Bunch.
> >>
> >> "He was a gawky, 14-year old Midwesterner on his first California
> >> vacation," said Stanley Shapiro of the Georgetown Center for 
> Intra-national
> >> Strategy.
> >>
> >> "During a studio tour, he saw McCormick in a studio commissary, and became
> >> tongue-tied when he tried to ask for her autograph. When the young starlet
> >> laughed at his stammering, he wet his pants and ran away in tears," said
> >> Shapiro.
> >>
> >> "That's the key to understanding regional tensions," adds Shapiro. "It's
> >> always Marcia, Marcia, Marcia."
> >>
> >> The traumatic encounter hardened Gunderson, whose psychosexual rage toward
> >> the West was soon channeled into a fanatical vision of Midwestern orthodox
> >> purity.
> >>
> >> After two years in a Lutheran seminary in Wayzata, Minn., he broke 
> with the
> >> traditional church, ordained himself and moved to Iowa, long notorious for
> >> its violent strains of radical Midwesternism.
> >>
> >> Gunderson's fiery rhetoric and defiant disdain for the Pacific Time Zone
> >> found fertile ground in the fertile ground in North Central Iowa,
> >> especially among dispossessed young men. He recruited acolytes at local
> >> pancake breakfasts and boat shows.
> >>
> >> To the faithful who joined his nascent Uff Da movement, he offered an
> >> eternal paradise filled with free Leinenkugel and Marlboro Lights, with
> >> 72-piece Craftsman socket sets sworn to martyrs.
> >>
> >> Many young recruits were dazzled by Gunderson's svengali-like charisma and
> >> his fastidious rejection of post-1972 modernism.
> >>
> >> He shaves twice daily, and is seldom photographed without the traditional
> >> cleric's garb; a striped, short sleeve Towncrest dress shirt, brown rayon
> >> tie and half-plastic, half-wire eyeglasses. When outside his vinyl-sided
> >> bungalow, he covers his head in the characteristic comb-over of the
> >> Lutheran pastor .
> >>
> >> Inspired by Gunderson's example, Uff Da members reject modernism as well.
> >> Young men of the movement are admonished if they are appear in public
> >> without the traditional Farah or Jaymar Sans-A-Belt dress slacks, and must
> >> be groomed according to the ancient code of Brylcreem and Lectri-Shave .
> >>
> >> The ultra-orthodox Yokel movement goes even further, wearing Big Mac bib
> >> overalls and DeKalb ventilated gimme caps.
> >>
> >> Strict dress codes also apply to the women of Uff Da society. Females over
> >> the age of five wear the traditional outfit, a lime-green pantsuit made
> >> from woven polyester, and knee-length down parkas. Eyeglasses must be 
> worn,
> >> with a minimum diameter of 6 inches, along with traditional flip-curl 
> bangs
> >> or frizz permanents.
> >>
> >> Feminist organizations have voiced alarm over the society's strictly
> >> proscribed gender roles.
> >>
> >> "Uff Da society follows a very primitive hunter-collector model, and its
> >> women are forced to do the collecting," says Emily Bruns of NOW. "Mostly
> >> Precious Moments figurines and Beanie Babies."
> >>
> >> Exporting Midwest Lutheran Radicalism
> >>
> >> At first, Gunderson's Uff Da movement claimed only to be interested in
> >> self-determination and the nuclear annihilation of Zionsville, Ind. Soon,
> >> though, it appeared the group had adopted a much more ambitious and 
> radical
> >> agenda.
> >>
> >> Utilizing advanced satellite imagery techniques and Osco One Hour Photo
> >> kiosks, intelligence services have identified secret Uff Da training camps
> >> throughout the region. The grainy images show dozens of Lutheran radicals
> >> receiving instructions in advanced techniques of petty vandalism.
> >>
> >> Smuggled video shows fierce trainees in Green Bay Packer and Minnesota
> >> Viking ski masks, scaling water towers and railroad bridges, spray 
> painting
> >> radical propaganda messages like "I [heart] Uff Da" and "Class of '02 
> Rulz."
> >>
> >> "We still don't know where they get their toilet paper and spray 
> paint, but
> >> we cannot rule out state sponsorship," said Shapiro. "Jesse Ventura denies
> >> any connection to Uff Da, but he may be intimidated by affiliated Lutheran
> >> extremists groups in Minnesota, like Hamm-as."
> >>
> >> Egging on Terror
> >>
> >> Last night's egg attack on Doug's Dairy Freeze was apparently motivated by
> >> its new 'California Fruit Shake.'
> >>
> >> Investigators believe the attackers may also be linked to the daring
> >> mid-day egging of an Abercrombie & Fitch delivery truck at the Merle Hay
> >> Mall in Des Moines.
> >>
> >> The group's recent success and lack of Western response has spawned a
> >> growing sense of regional fanaticism. According to recent reports, Uff Da
> >> cells have sprung up as far away as Lebanon, Ohio and Palestine, Texas.
> >>
> >> Though it is unclear what the group's ultimate aims are, the recent events
> >> have given analysts pause.
> >>
> >> "In communiques to followers, Gunderson has called for a unified purist
> >> Midwestern state," said Harvard's Whitby. "He envisions a vast homeland
> >> stretching from the Holy Corn Palace in Mitchell, South Dakota, 
> eastward to
> >> the Wisconsin Dells. The geopolitical ramifications are unthinkable."
> >>
> >> With growing waves of violence moving ever westward, some worry that
> >> California itself is now vulnerable.
> >>
> >> "There is a large Midwestern refugee community on the West Coast,
> >> especially around Long Beach," said Whitby. "Many are sympathetic to
> >> Gunderson and Uff Da, and police have intercepted several Winnebagos 
> filled
> >> with Lutheran radicals as far west as Elko, Nevada."
> >>
> >> "And remember, these men are fueled on a diet of bratwurst, dairy products
> >> and 3.2 beer," Whitby added ominously. "We can't rule out a biological
> >> attack."
> >>
> >>
> >> J.D. White
> >> UTPA Coastal Studies Laboratory
> >> 100 Marine Lab Drive
> >> South Padre Island, TX. 78597
> >> (Ph.)   956.761.2644
> >> (Fax)   956.761.2913
> >> (Cell)  956.346.6552
> >> jdwhite at utpa.edu
> >> __________________________________________________
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> >
> > __________________________________________________
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Jim White
Le Menagerie
www.lemenagerie.blogspot.com