[Rhodes22-list] jokes

[michael meltzer]

TO MY DEAR WIFE:

During the past year I have tried to make love to you
365 times. I have
succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every
ten days. The
following is a list of why I did not succeed more
often:

54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
 9 times you said weren't in the mood
 7 times you were sunburned
 6 times you were watching the late show
 5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
 3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
 9 times you said your mother would hear us

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not
satisfactory 
because:

 6 times you just laid there
 8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the
ceiling
 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
 7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
 1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you
move

=====================================================
TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:

I think you have things a little confused. Here are
the reasons you 
didn't
get more than you did:

 5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the
cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn't cum
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
 2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in
the balls
 4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
 3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
 2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it
all day
 6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a
dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching TV

Of the times we did get together:

The reason I laid still was because you missed and
were screwing the 
sheets.
I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what
I said was, 
"Would you
prefer me on my back or kneeling?" The time you felt
me move was 
because you
farted and I was trying to breathe.



	
		
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