[Rhodes22-list] All Puns Intended. (Humor)

[R22RumRunner at aol.com]

1. Two  antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got  married.  The
 ceremony  wasn't much, but the reception  was  excellent.
 2. A  jumper cable walks into a bar.   The bartender says,   "I'll serve
you,
 but  don't start anything."
 3. Two  peanuts walk into a  bar, and  one was a salted.
 4. A  dyslexic man walks into a bra.
 5. A  man  walks into a bar with a  slab of asphalt under his arm, and
says: "A
 beer  please, and one for the road."
 6. Two  cannibals are eating a clown.   One  says to the  other:  "Does
this
 taste  funny to you?"
 7.  "Doc, I can't  stop singing 'The  Green, Green Grass of Home."   "That
 sounds  like Tom  Jones Syndrome."  "Is it common?"  Well, "It's Not
Unusual."
 8.  Two  cows are standing next to  each other in a field.  Daisy  says to
 Dolly,  "I was artificially inseminated this  morning."  "I don't
believe
 you,"  says Dolly.  "It's true; no bull!" exclaims  Daisy.
 9. An  invisible man  marries an  invisible woman.  The kids were  nothing
to
 look  at  either.
 10.  Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
 11.  I went to buy some camouflage  trousers the other day, but I
couldn't
 find  any.
 12. A  man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.  He  shouted,
 "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my  legs!"  The doctor replied,  "I know
you
 can't  - I've cut off your arms!"
 13. I  went to a seafood  disco last  week...and pulled a mussel.
 14.  What do you call a fish with no eyes?   A fsh.
 15 Two  fish swim into a concrete wall.   The one  turns to the  other and
 says,  "Dam!"
 16.  Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the
 craft.  Unsurprisingly it sank,  proving once again that you can't  have
your
 kayak  and heat it too.
 17.  A  group of chess enthusiasts  checked into a hotel, and were
standing in
 the  lobby discussing their recent  tournament victories.  After  about
an
 hour,  the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse.
"But
 why,"  they asked, as they moved off.   "Because," he said, "I can't
stand
 chess-nuts boasting in an open  foyer."
 18. A  woman has twins, and  gives them  up for adoption.  One of  them
goes to
 a  family in Egypt, and  is named  "Ahmal."  The other goes to a  family
in
 Spain;  they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of
himself to
 his  birth  mother.  Upon receiving the picture, she  tells her husband
that
 she  wishes she also had a picture of  Ahmal.  Her husband  responds,
"They're
 twins!  If you've seen Juan, you've seen  Ahmal."
 19.  Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which
 produced an impressive  set of calluses on his feet.  He also ate very
 little, which made him rather frail  and with his odd diet, he suffered
from
 bad  breath. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) .... A
 super-calloused fragile mystic hexed  by halitosis.
 20.  And finally, there was the person who sent  twenty different puns
to   his
 friends, with the hope that at least  ten of the  puns would make  them
laugh.
 No pun  in ten did.







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