[Rhodes22-list] Humor - ah huh

[ed kroposki]

BRAIN CRAMPS 



(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss
America 1995.) 
Question: If you could live forever, would you and Why? 


Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not 
live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, 
then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, 
which is why I would not live forever," 


--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest. 


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"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids 
all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love 
to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and 
death and stuff."                                    
--Mariah Carey 


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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very 
important part of your life," 
--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become 
Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign . 


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"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"     
--Winston Bennett, 
University of Kentucky basketball forward. 


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"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the 
lowest crime rates in the country," 
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC. 

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"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through 
our papers. We are the president." 
--Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of 
subpoenaed documents. 


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"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death 
by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," 
--A congressional candidate in Texas. 

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"Half this game is ninety percent mental." 
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark 

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"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's 
the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." 
--Al Gore, Vice President 

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"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."  
--Dan Quayle 
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"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much 
clean air do we need?"  
--Lee Iacocca 
``````````` 
  
"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A 
genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." - 
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst. 

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"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude 
certain types of people."  
--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor. 


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"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." 
--Bill Clinton, President 

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"We are ready for an unforeseen event that 
may or may not occur." 
--Al Gore, VP 
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"Traditionally, most of Australia 's imports come 
from overseas." 
--Keppel Enderbery 

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"Your food stamps will be stopped effective 
March 1992 because we received notice that 
you passed away. May God bless you. You may 
reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." 
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina 


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"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack 
in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their 
heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when 
they wake up dead, there'll be a record." 
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman 
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, 
Feeling smarter? 

 
  



 

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