[Rhodes22-list] Jokes

[Michel Meltzer]

I feeling "domestic" today :-) , I am unemployed and stay in the house
playing Mr Mom , doing my best to get under every ones feet but they
left me alone :-) -mjm

> -----Original Message-----
> From: rhodes22-list-bounces at rhodes22.org [mailto:rhodes22-list-
> bounces at rhodes22.org] On Behalf Of Mary Lou Troy
> Sent: Wednesday, March 01, 2006 9:59 AM
> To: The Rhodes 22 mail list
> Subject: Re: [Rhodes22-list] Jokes
> 
> Good ones Michael! (though perhaps mostly the women on the list will
find
> them funny). Did Karin put you up to this ;-)? BTW, glad you are
staying
> on the east coast!
> 
> Mary Lou
> 1991 R22  Fretless
> Ft. Washington, PA / Rock Hall (Swan Creek), MD
> 
> 
> 
> >From: Michel Meltzer <mjm at michaelmeltzer.com>
> >Date: Wed Mar 01 07:51:53 CST 2006
> >To: rhodes22-list at rhodes22.org
> >Subject: [Rhodes22-list] Jokes
> 
> >"Why God made moms" answers given by elementary school age children
to
> >the following questions:
> >
> >Why did God make mothers?
> > 1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
> > 2. Mostly to clean the house.
> > 3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
> >
> >How did God make mothers?
> > 1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
> > 2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
> > 3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used
bigger
> >parts.
> >
> >What ingredients are mothers made of?
> > 1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything
nice
> >in the world and one dab of mean.
> > 2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly
use
> >string, I think.
> >
> >Why did God give you your mother and not some other Mom?
> > 1. We're related.
> > 2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like
me.
> >
> >What kind of little girl was your Mom?
> > 1. My Mom has always been my Mom and none of that other stuff.
> > 2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty
> >bossy.
> > 3. They say she used to be nice.
> >
> >What did Mom need to know about dad before she married him?
> > 1. His last name.
> > 2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get
> >drunk on beer?
> > 3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES
to
> >chores?
> >
> >Why did your Mom marry your dad?
> > 1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a
lot.
> > 2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
> > 3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.
> >
> >Who's the boss at your house?
> > 1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a
> >goof ball.
> > 2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under
the
> >bed.
> > 3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than
dad.
> >
> >What's the difference between moms and dads?
> > 1. Moms work at work & work at home, & dads just go to work at work.
> > 2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
> > 3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power
'cause
> >that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
> >Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
> >
> >What does your Mom do in her spare time?
> > 1. Mothers don't do spare time.
> > 2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
> >
> >What would it take to make your Mom perfect?
> > 1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind
of
> >plastic surgery.
> > 2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue
> >
> >If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?
> > 1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get
rid
> >of that.
> > 2 I'd make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who
did
> >it and not me.
> > 3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on her
back.
> >
> >==============================
> >THE MOMMY TEST
> >I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up
something
> >off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item
away
> >from her and I asked her not to do that.
> >
> >"Why?" my daughter asked.
> >
> >"Because it's been laying outside, you don't know where it's been,
it's
> >dirty and probably has germs" I replied.
> >
> >At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and
> >asked,"Wow! How do you know all this stuff?"
> >
> >"Uh," ...I was thinking quickly,"All moms know this stuff. It's on
the
> >Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy."
> >
> >We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently
> >pondering this new information. "OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if
you
> >don't pass the test you
> >have to be the daddy."
> >
> >"Exactly" I replied back with a big smile on my face and joy in my
> >heart.
> >
> >=====================
> >Too cute!
> >"Dear Lord," the preacher began with arms extended and a rapturous
look
> >upon his upturned face, "without you we are but dust..."
> >
> >He would have continued, but at that moment one very obedient little
> >girl (who was listening carefully) leaned over to her mother and
asked
> >quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mommy, WHAT is butt
> >dust?"
> >
> >Church was pretty much over at that point...
> >
> >
> >--
> >WINTER CLASSES FOR MEN AT THE LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS
> >REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY Monday, Jan. 26, 2006
> >
> >NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS,
> >CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.
> >
> >
> >Class 1
> >How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide
> >Presentation.
> >Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
> >
> >Class 2
> >The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself? Round Table
Discussion.
> >Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
> >
> >Class 3
> >Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and
> >Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice.
> >Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
> >
> >Class 4
> >Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor ---
> >Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
> >Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
> >
> >Class 5
> >After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen
Sink?
> >Examples on Video.
> >Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM
> >
> >Class 6
> >Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help
> >Line Support and Support Groups.
> >Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
> >
> >Class 7
> >Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right
> >Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming. Open
Forum
> >.
> >Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
> >
> >Class 8
> >Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
> >Graphics and Audio Tapes.
> >Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
> >
> >Class 9
> >Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials.
> >Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
> >
> >Class 10
> >Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
> >Driving Simulations.
> >4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
> >
> >Class 11
> >Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online
> >Classes and role-playing .
> >Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
> >
> >Class 12
> >How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion. Relaxation Exercises,
Meditation
> >and Breathing Techniques.
> >Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
> >
> >Class 13
> >How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays,
Anniversaries
> >and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
> >Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
> >Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
> >
> >Class 14
> >The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used. Live Demonstration.
> >Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
> >
> >Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued
to
> >the survivors.
> >
> >
> >--
> >
> >__________________________________________________
> >Use Rhodes22-list at rhodes22.org, Help? www.rhodes22.org/list
> 
> __________________________________________________
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