[Rhodes22-list] Special information to lift Brad's Spirits

[brad haslett]

Ed,

I've read those a hundred times and still laugh as if
it was the first.  Kinda like watching the movie
"Airplane".

A few years ago, a friend of mine from work (now dead
from brain cancer), was F/O on a flight from Memphis
to Frankfurt.  The FRA freight ramp is a huge piece of
concrete with only numbers painted on the tarmac.  I
never found it that confusing but then I usually flew
it it from London or Paris after two days rest. 
Anything can be confusing after eight hours of flying
on the backside of the clock.  They missed their gate
about three times and the ground controller got
frustrated.  This was his last transmission (in a
heavy German accent).  

"XX23 Heavy, zair ar no utter aircraaft in zee areaa,
zoo ar cleert to vander aimlessly about zee ramp!"

--- ed kroposki <ekroposki at charter.net> wrote:

> 
> 
>  
> 
> Here are some conversations that airline passengers
> normally will never
> hear. The following are accounts of actual exchanges
> between airline pilots
> and control towers around the world.
> 
> 
> 
>   Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock,
> 6 miles!"
> 
>   Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital
> watches!"
> 
>  
>
=========================================================
> 
>   "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45
> Degrees."
> 
>   "Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can
> we make up here?"
> 
>   "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes
> when it hits a 727?"
> 
>  
>
==========================================================
> 
>   From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long
> takeoff queue: "I'm
> 
> f...ing  bored!"
> 
>   Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft
> transmitting, identify yourself
> 
>   immediately!"
> 
>   Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not
> f...ing stupid!"
> 
>  
>
==========================================================
> 
>   O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329
> heavy, your traffic is a
> 
>   Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
> 
>   United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say
> this... I've got the
> 
> little  Fokker in sight."
> 
>  
>
==========================================================
> 
>   A student became lost during a solo cross-country
> flight. While attempting
> 
>   to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What
> was your last known
> 
>   position?"
> 
>   Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."
> 
>  
>
==========================================================
> 
>   A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an
> exceedingly long roll out
> 
>   after touching down.
> 
>   San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard
> right turn at the end of
> 
>   the runway, if you are able. If you are not able,
> take the Guadalupe exit
> 
>   off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and
> return to the airport."
> 
>  
>
==========================================================
> 
>  
>
==========================================================
> 
>   Taxiing down the tarmac, a DC-10 abruptly stopped,
> turned around and
> 
>   returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it
> finally took off. A
> 
>   concerned passenger asked the flight attendant,
> "What, exactly, was the
> 
>   problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he
> heard in the engine,"
> 
>   explained the flight attendant. "It took us a
> while to find a new pilot."
> 
>  
>
==========================================================
> 
>   A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in
> Munich overheard the
> 
>   following:
> 
>   Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start
> clearance time?"
> 
>   Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you
> must speak in English."
> 
>   Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a
> German airplane, in
> 
>   Germany . Why must I speak English?"
> 
>   Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful
> British accent): "Because
> 
>   you lost the bloody war."
> 
>  
>
=========================================================
> 
>   Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact
> Departure on frequency
> 
>   124.7"
> 
>   Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to
> Departure. By the way, after
> 
>   we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on
> the far end of the
> 
> runway."
> 
>   Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff
> behind Eastern 702, contact
> 
>   Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that
> report from Eastern 702?"
> 
>   Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for
> takeoff, roger; and yes,we
> 
>   copied Eastern... we've already notified our
> caterers."
> 
>  
>
=========================================================
> 
>   One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by
> the tower to hold short of
> 
>   the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8
> landed, rolled out, turned
> 
>   around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some
> quick-witted comedian in
> 
> the   DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a
> cute little plane. Did
> you make it all by yourself?"
> 
>   The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go
> by, came back with a
> 
> real  zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another
> landing like yours and
> I'll have enough parts for another one."
> 
>  
>
=========================================================
> 
>   The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport
> are renowned as a
> 
>   short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to
> know one's gate parking
> 
>   location, but how to get there without any
> assistance from them. So it was
> 
>   with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747)
> listened to the following
> 
>   exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a
> British 
=== message truncated ===


__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Tired of spam?  Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around 
http://mail.yahoo.com