[Rhodes22-list] Politics: Revocation of Independence (political)

[Ronald Lipton]

great song, doc Watson does a good version on "Will the circle be 
unborken"

Ron
On Sep 29, 2006, at 6:37 PM, Herb Parsons wrote:

> Wow!! Now THAT takes me back. When I was a kid, probably 8 or so, the 
> Tennessee Stud was one of my favorite songs. When I got older, I 
> thought maybe it was just some weird song I'd heard somewhere, because 
> I never heard it ANYWHERE except on my mother's old Eddy Arnold album, 
> that she'd long since lost. Thought maybe it was a weird dream or 
> something. Good to know it actually existed.
>
>
> Herb Parsons
>
> S/V O'Jure
> 1976 O'Day 25
> Lake Grapevine, N TX
>
> S/V Reve de Papa
> 1971 Coronado 35
> Lake Pontchartrain, Louisiana Coast
>
>>>> rlipton at earthlink.net 9/29/2006 6:25:15 pm >>>
> Jimmy also wrote "Tennesse Stud" and "he Had a Long Chain on".  He
> started as a high school history teacher and evidently wrote "New
> Orleans"
> as a teaching tool.
>
> Ron
> On Sep 29, 2006, at 4:26 PM, Brad Haslett wrote:
>
>> Herb,
>>
>> Here's an MP3 of Jimmy Driftwood who wrote the Horton song.  I'll
>> always
>> have a soft spot in my heart for Arkansas.  They've forgiven
>> themselves for
>> Billy and only wish he'd take his double-wide to tomorrow's blow job
>> down
>> river. Driftwood grew-up in Mountain View.  MV is as beautiful a place
>> in
>> the world as any.  Trout fishing at Gastons anyone?
>>
>> Brad
>>
>>
>> http://encyclopediaofarkansas.net/media/gallery/Audio/
>> jimmy_driftwood_song.mp3
>>
>> On 9/29/06, Herb Parsons <hparsons at parsonsys.com> wrote:
>>>
>>> Dear forgetful writer. How many times do you guys have to get your
>>> asses
>>> kicked before you realize you lost?
>>>
>>> As brother Jimmy Horton said:
>>>
>>> "We fired our guns and the British kept a'comin.
>>> There wasn't nigh as many as there was a while ago.
>>> We fired once more and they began to runnin'
>>> down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico."
>>>
>>>
>>> Herb Parsons
>>>
>>> S/V O'Jure
>>> 1976 O'Day 25
>>> Lake Grapevine, N TX
>>>
>>> S/V Reve de Papa
>>> 1971 Coronado 35
>>> Lake Pontchartrain, Louisiana Coast
>>>
>>>>>> bill at effros.com 9/29/2006 1:19:50 pm >>>
>>> To the citizens of the United States of America
>>>
>>> In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA 
>>> and
>>> thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of
>>> your independence, effective immediately.
>>>
>>> Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical
>>> duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories (except
>>> Kansas, which she does not fancy), as from Monday next.
>>>
>>> Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for
>>> America
>>> without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will
>>> be
>>> disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine
>>> whether any of you noticed.
>>>
>>> To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
>>> rules are introduced with immediate effect:
>>>
>>> 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
>>> Then look up "aluminium," and check the pronunciation guide. You will
>>> be
>>> amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
>>>
>>> 2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in wRevords such as 'colour',
>>> 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 
>>> 'doughnut'
>>> without skipping half the letters, and the suffix "ize" will be
>>> replaced
>>> by the suffix "ise."
>>>
>>> 3. You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra'; you
>>> may
>>> elect to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you find you simply
>>> can't
>>> cope with correct pronunciation.
>>>
>>> 4. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to
>>> acceptable levels (look up "vocabulary"). Using the same twenty-seven
>>> words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" 
>>> is
>>> unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
>>>
>>> 5.There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know
>>> on
>>> your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take
>>> account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."
>>>
>>> 6. You will relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The
>>> Queen",
>>> but only after fully carrying out Task #1 (see above).
>>>
>>> 7. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. November 2nd
>>> will
>>> be a new national holiday, but to be celebrated only inEngland. It
>>> will
>>> be called "Come-Uppance Day."
>>>
>>> 8. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns,
>>> lawyers
>>> or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists
>>> shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should 
>>> only
>>> be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out
>>> without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not 
>>> grown
>>> up enough to handle a gun.
>>>
>>> 9. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything
>>> more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if
>>> you
>>> wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
>>>
>>> 10. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is 
>>> for
>>> your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what
>>> we
>>> mean.
>>>
>>> 11. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will
>>> start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, 
>>> you
>>> will go metric immediately and without the benefit of conversion
>>> tables.
>>> Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British
>>> sense of humour.
>>>
>>> 12. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have 
>>> been
>>> calling "gasoline") -roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.
>>>
>>> 13. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French
>>> fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling
>>> potato
>>> chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut, fried 
>>> in
>>> animal fat, and dressed not with mayonnaise but with vinegar.
>>>
>>> 14. Waiters and waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with
>>> customers.
>>>
>>> 15. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not
>>> actually
>>> beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred
>>> to
>>> as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will 
>>> be
>>> referred to as "Lager." American brands will be referred to as
>>> "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," so that all can be sold without risk of
>>> further confusion.
>>>
>>> 16. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as
>>> good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to
>>> play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English
>>> dialogue in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to
>>> having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
>>>
>>> 17. You will cease playing American "football." There is only one 
>>> kind
>>> of proper football; you call it "soccer". Those of you brave enough
>>> will, in time, will be allowed to play rugby (which has some
>>> similarities to American "football", but does not involve stopping
>>> for a
>>> rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a
>>> bunch of nancies).
>>>
>>> 18. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to
>>> host an event called the "World Series" for a game which is not 
>>> played
>>> outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a
>>> world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.
>>>
>>> 19. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
>>>
>>> 20. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's
>>> Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all
>>> monies due backdated to 1776.
>>>
>>> Thank you for your co-operation.
>>>
>>> (Not written by me, not written by John Cleese, either--just passed
>>> along.)
>>>
>>> Bill Effros
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