[Rhodes22-list] Deer Roping (humor)

[Brad Haslett]

Hank,

 Heard this before?  WARNING - Strong language!

Brad

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRfOPquP_1Y

On 4/4/07, Hank <hnw555 at gmail.com> wrote:
>
> Funniest thing I've read in a long time.
>
> Hank
>
>
> Subject: Deer Roping]
>
>
> Roping a Deer
>
> I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed
> it
> up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it. The first step
> in
> this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that since they congregated
> at
> my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there
> (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed
> while
> I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away) that it should not be
> difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm
> it
> down) then hog tie it and transport it home. I filled the cattle feeder
> then
> hid down at the end with my rope.. The cattle, which had seen the roping
> thing before, stayed well back.. They were not having any of it. After
> about
> 20 minutes my deer showed up, 3 of them. I picked out a likely looking
> one,
> stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope. The deer just
> stood there and stared at me. I wrapped the rope around my waist and
> twisted
> the end so I would have a good hold. The deer still just stood and stared
> at
> me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope
> situation. I took a step towards it. .It took a step away. I put a little
> tension on the rope and received an education The  first thing that I
> learned is that while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny
> while
> you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that
> rope.
>
>
> That deer EXPLODED
>
> The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT
> stronger
> than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight
> down with a rope with some dignity. A deer, no chance. That thing ran and
> bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly
> no
> getting close to it.. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me
> across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not
> nearly as good an idea as I originally imagined. The only up side is that
> they do not have as much stamina as many animals. A brief 10 minutes
> later,
> it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me
> when
> I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was
> mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head.
>
> At that point I had lost my taste for corn fed venison. I just wanted to
> get
> that devil creature off the end of that rope. I figured if I just let it
> go
> with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and
> painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me and
> that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing and I would venture a guess
> that the feeling was mutual. Despite the gash in my head and the several
> large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing
> my
> head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I
> could
> still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that
> I
> shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in, so
> I
> didn't want the deer to have to suffer a slow death. I managed to get it
> lined up to back in between my truck and the feeder, a little trap I had
> set
> beforehand. Kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it to back in there and
> started moving up so I could get my rope back.
>
> Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would
> have
> thought that a deer would bite somebody so I was very surprised when I
> reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist.
> Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they
> just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head,
> almost
> like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts. The proper thing to do when
> a
> deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried
> screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective. It seems like
> the
> deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only
> several seconds. I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be
> questioning
> that claim by now) tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the hound out
> of
> my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose
>
> That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day. Deer
> will
> strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet
> and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are
> surprisingly sharp.. I learned a long time ago that when an animal like a
> horse strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the
> best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move
> towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you
> can escape. This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously such
> trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond I devised a
> different strategy. I screamed like woman and tried to turn and run. The
> reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that
> paws at you is that the re is a good chance that it will hit you in the
> back
> of the head. Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides
> being twice as strong and three times as evil, because the second I turned
> to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.
>
> Now when a deer paws at you and knocks you down it doesn't immediately
> leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What
> they
> do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are
> laying
> there crying like a little girl and covering your head. I finally managed
> to
> crawl under the truck and the deer went away.
>
> Now for the local legend. I was pretty beat up. My scalp was split open, I
> had several large goose eggs, my wrist was bleeding pretty good and felt
> broken (it turned out to be just badly bruised) and my back was bleeding
> in
> a few places, though my insulated canvas jacket had protected me from most
> of the worst of it. I drove to the nearest place, which was the Feed
> store.
> I got out of the truck, covered in blood and dust and looking like I'd
> just
> come from a bar-room brawl.
>
> The guy who ran the place saw me through the window and came running out
> yelling "what happened" I have never seen any law in the state of Texas
> that
> would prohibit an individual from roping a deer. I suspect that this is an
> area that they have overlooked entirely. Knowing, as I do, the lengths to
> which law enforcement personnel will go to exercise their power, I was
> concerned that they may find a way to twist the existing laws to paint my
> actions as criminal. I swear, not wanting to admit that I had done
> something
> monumentally stupid played no part in my response. I told him "I was
> attacked by a deer." I did not mention that at the time I had a rope on
> it.
> The evidence was all over my body. Deer prints on the back of my jacket
> where it had stomped all over me and a large deer print on my face where
> it
> had struck me there. I asked him to call somebody to come get me. I didn't
> think I could make it home on my own. He did.
>
> Later that afternoon, a game warden showed up at my house and wanted to
> know
> about the deer attack. Surprisingly, deer attacks are a rare thing and the
> parks and wildlife folks were interested in the event. I tried to describe
> the attack as completely and accurately as I could. I was filling the
> grain
> hopper and this deer came out of nowhere and just started kicking the hell
> out of me and BIT me. It was obviously rabid or insane or something.
> EVERYBODY for miles around knows about the deer attack (the guy at the
> Feed
> Store has a big mouth). For several weeks people dragged their kids in the
> house when they saw deer around and the local ranchers carried rifles when
> they filled their feeders.
>
> I have told several people the story, but NEVER anybody around here. I
> have
> to see these people every day and as an outsider, a "city folk," I have
> enough trouble fitting in without them snickering behind my back and
> whispering "there is the dumb-butt" that tried to rope the deer.
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