[Rhodes22-list] Pun intended

[R22RumRunner at aol.com]

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Forwarded Message:  

Pun  intended 

1.  Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.   
The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2.  A jumper cable walks into a bar.  
The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start  anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a  salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man  walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:   
"A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating  a clown.  
One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

7.  "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of  Home.'"   
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."  
"Is it common?"  
Well, "It's Not Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to  each other in a field.  
Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."   
"I don't believe you," says Dolly.  
"It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries  an invisible woman.  
The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The  feeling that you've heard this bull before. 

11. I  went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t  
find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.   
He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"   
The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your  arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a  mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A  fish  
15. Two  fish swim into a concrete wall.  
The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"

16. Two Eskimos  sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lighted a fire in 
the craft.   
Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your  kayak 
and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked  into a hotel and were standing in 
the lobby  
discussing their recent tournament  victories.   
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and  asked them to 
disperse.  
"But why," they asked, as they moved off.   
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open  foyer."

18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.   
One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal."  
The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him "Juan."   
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.   
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she  also 
had a picture of Ahmal.  
Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen  Juan,  you've seen 
Ahmal."

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you  know, walked barefoot most of the time,  
which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.   
He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd  diet, 
he suffered from bad breath.  
This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good............)   
A super calloused, fragile mystic hexed by halitosis .

20.  And, finally, there was the guy who sent twenty different  puns  to his 
friends,  
with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh.   
No pun in ten did.  Ha Ha       





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