[Rhodes22-list] Jokes

[3drecon at comcast.net]

Funny!

-------------- Original message -------------- 
From: Bill Effros <bill at effros.com> 

> SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE! 
> 
> What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? 
> Juan on Juan 
> 
> What is a Yankee? 
> The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone. 
> 
> What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? 
> The position of the dirt bag 
> 
> Why is divorce so expensive? 
> Because it's worth it. 
> 
> What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? 
> Doughnuts? 
> 
> Why is air a lot like sex? 
> Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any. 
> 
> What do you call a smart blonde? 
> A golden retriever. 
> 
> What do attorneys use for birth control? 
> Their personalities. 
> 
> What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 
> 45 lbs 
> 
> What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband? 
> 45 minutes 
> 
> What's the fastest way to a man's heart? 
> Through his chest with a sharp knife. 
> 
> Why do men want to marry virgins? 
> They can't stand criticism. 
> 
> Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and 
> good-looking? 
> Because those men already have boyfriends. 
> 
> What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? 
> After a year, the dog is still excited to see you 
> 
> What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? 
> The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. 
> 
> Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex? 
> Because they have cotton balls. 
> 
> What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? 
> "Are you sure it's mine?" 
> 
> Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? 
> Mace will do that to you. 
> 
> Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ? 
> Everyone has the same DNA. 
> 
> Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? 
> Breasts don't have eyes. 
> 
> Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi? 
> He walks around saying "Yo." 
> 
> Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on 
> Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? 
> Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it. 
> 
> Where does an Irish family go on vacation? 
> A different bar. 
> 
> Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby? 
> They named him "Sum Ting Wong". 
> 
> What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? 
> A speech impediment. 
> 
> What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast? 
> They're hiring. 
> 
> What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? 
> A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage 
> along with... "a recipe". 
> 
> How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? 
> Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*! 
> 
> What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? 
> A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale 
> begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit...". 
> 
> Why is there no Disneyland in China? 
> No one's tall enough to go on the good rides. 
> 
> Bill Effros 
> __________________________________________________ 
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