[Rhodes22-list] Jokes

[Brad Haslett]

MJM,

Pretty good!  I wonder if they got the idea from this article?

Brad

------------------------

May 26, 2006 The Senate's 'Tough' Immigration Bill*By* *Thomas
Sowell*<http://www.realclearpolitics.com/articles/author/thomas_sowell/>

Some people are worried that amnesty will give illegal aliens the same
rights that American citizens have. In reality, it will give the illegals
more rights than the average American citizen.

Since most of the illegals are Mexican, that makes them a minority. Under
affirmative action, combined with amnesty, they would have preferences in
jobs and other benefits.

Those who set up their own businesses would be entitled to preferences in
getting government contracts. Their children would be able to get into
college ahead of the children of American citizens with better academic
qualifications.

Illegals who graduate from a high school in California can already attend
the University of California, paying lower tuition that an American citizen
from neighboring Oregon.

Under the supposedly "tough" immigration bill in the U.S. Senate, illegals
don't have to pay all the back taxes they owe. An American citizen gets no
such break from the government and can end up in federal prison, like Al
Capone.

If an American citizen gets stopped by the police for a traffic violation
and the cops discover that he is wanted for some other violation of the law,
they can arrest him for whatever else he has done.

But if an illegal alien gets stopped for going through a red light and the
police discovers that he is in the country illegally, in many communities
the cop is forbidden to arrest him for that -- or even to report him to the
feds.

If an American citizen forges a Social Security card in order to get a job,
he can be arrested. Under a provision recently passed by the Senate, illegal
aliens who forged Social Security cards not only get a pass, they get to
collect Social Security benefits.

The great majority of Senators who voted for that provision were Democrats,
and they prevailed because they were joined by a small minority of
Republicans, led by -- surprise! -- Senator John McCain. After similar
defections on judges and free speech, Senator McCain may give opportunism a
bad name.

What the immigration bill in the Senate has become is just another attempt
to pander to another special interest, in disregard of how that affects the
country as a whole.

Much is made of the fact that there are supposedly 12 million illegals in
the country already. The last time illegal aliens were given amnesty, back
in 1986, that led to even more illegal aliens coming in afterwards.

Do we want 20 million or 30 million more illegal aliens in the future? Do we
want to change the very composition of the American population, and with it
the values of the country?

There was a time when immigrants came here to become Americans. But there
are powerful pressure groups in this country, extending far beyond the
immigrant community, doing their best to keep foreigners foreign and force
Americans to accommodate their foreign language and culture in the name of
"multiculturalism."

We have seen what havoc such notions and practices have created after mass
immigration under "guest worker" programs in Europe, especially after the
Muslim riots in France. Do we want that in the United States?

Most of the first generation of immigrants may want nothing more than a
chance to work and will be happy to be here instead of in Mexico. But second
generations born in this country compare their situation not with the
situation in Mexico but with what other Americans around them have.

There are plenty of people, both inside and outside the immigrant community,
who will fan their sense of grievance and exploit their resentments. This is
not peculiar to people from Mexico. Europe has already experienced this.

Both the facts of the past and the dangers of the future are being ignored
in the rush to give immediate benefits to illegal aliens, washed down with
much talk about border control but no requirement that the border actually
be controlled before these benefits go into effect.

The political strategy of this package deal legislation is to give immediate
and irrevocable special benefits to some and make pious promises about the
future to get all this past the others.


On 1/10/07, michael meltzer <mjm at michaelmeltzer.com> wrote:
>
> Becoming Illegal (from a Maryland resident to his Senator)
>
>
>
> The Honorable Paul S. Sarbanes
>
> 309 Hart Senate Office Building
>
> Washington DC, 20510
>
>
>
> Dear Senator Sarbanes,
>
>
>
> As a native Marylander and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue
> Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the
> Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for
> becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.
>
>
>
> My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to
> illegal alien stem from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate
> and
> for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is
> accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five
> years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and
> income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I
> see
> one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it
> out.
>
>
>
> Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes
> every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of
> taxes
> in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to
> be
> illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my
> family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.
>
>
>
> Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency
> room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying
> premiums
>
>
> for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a
> year. Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter
> would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school
> applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for many colleges
> throughout the United States for my son.
>
>
>
> Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of
> renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance
> premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age
> children driving my car.
>
>
>
> If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal
> (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be
> most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.
>
>
>
> Your Loyal Constituent,
>
>
>
> Pete McGlaughlin
>
>
>
> Get your Forms (NOW)!! Call your Internal Revenue Service 1-800-289-1040.
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: rhodes22-list-bounces at rhodes22.org
> [mailto:rhodes22-list-bounces at rhodes22.org] On Behalf Of Bill Effros
> Sent: Wednesday, January 10, 2007 10:37 AM
> To: R22 List
> Subject: [Rhodes22-list] Jokes
>
> SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE!
>
> What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
> Juan on Juan
>
> What is a Yankee?
> The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
>
> What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
> The position of the dirt bag
>
> Why is divorce so expensive?
> Because it's worth it.
>
> What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
> Doughnuts?
>
> Why is air a lot like sex?
> Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
>
> What do you call a smart blonde?
> A golden retriever.
>
> What do attorneys use for birth control?
> Their personalities.
>
> What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
> 45 lbs
>
> What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
> 45 minutes
>
> What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
> Through his chest with a sharp knife.
>
> Why do men want to marry virgins?
> They can't stand criticism.
>
> Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and
> good-looking?
> Because those men already have boyfriends.
>
> What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
> After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
>
> What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
> The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
> driving.
>
> Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
> Because they have cotton balls.
>
> What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
> "Are you sure it's mine?"
>
> Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
> Mace will do that to you.
>
> Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
> Everyone has the same DNA.
>
> Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
> Breasts don't have eyes.
>
> Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
> He walks around saying "Yo."
>
> Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on
> Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
> Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
>
> Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
> A different bar.
>
> Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
> They named him "Sum Ting Wong".
>
> What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
> A speech impediment.
>
> What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
> They're hiring.
>
> What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
> A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage
> along with... "a recipe".
>
> How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
> Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
>
> What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern
> fairytale?
> A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."  A southern fairytale
> begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit...".
>
> Why is there no Disneyland in China?
> No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.
>
> Bill Effros
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