[Rhodes22-list] Ode to Plurals ....... (Non political)

[R22RumRunner at aol.com]

Ode to  Plurals  .......

We'll  begin with a box, and the plural is boxes, 
But the plural of ox  becomes oxen, not oxes. 
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,  
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese. 
You may find a lone  mouse or a nest full of mice, 
Yet the plural of house is houses, not  hice. 

If the plural of man is always called men, 
Why shouldn't  the plural of pan be called pen? 
If I speak of my foot and show you my  feet, 
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet? 
If one  is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, 
Why shouldn't the plural of  booth be called beeth? 

Then one may be that, and three would be  those, 
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose, 
And the plural  of cat is cats, not cose. 
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,  
But though we say mother, we never say methren. 
Then the masculine  pronouns are he, his and him, 
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and  shim! 

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. 
There is no  egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in  pineapple. 
English muffins weren't invented in England. 
We take English  for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, 
we find that quicksand  can work slowly, boxing rings are square, 
and a guinea pig is neither  from Guinea nor is it a pig. 

And why is it  that writers write but fingers don't fing,
grocers don't groce and  hammers don't ham? 
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but  not one amend. 
If you have a bunch of odds and ends 
and get rid of  all but one of them, what do you call it? 

If teachers taught, why  didn't preachers praught? 
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a  humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking  English 
should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.  

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a  recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that  run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a  parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the  same,
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? 

You have  to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language 
in which your house can  burn up as it burns 
down, in which you fill in a form by filling it  out, 
and in which an alarm goes off by going on.  

And, in closing, if Father is Pop,  how  come Mother's not Mop?

 
 (http://www.incredimail.com/index.asp?id=54475) 








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