[Rhodes22-list] Best Drinking Stories - Sailor Style

[Brad Haslett]

*1. Admiral Edward Russell's 17th-Century throwdown*

Think you can drink like a sailor? Maybe you should take a moment to reflect
on what that truly means.

The record for history's largest cocktail belongs to British Lord Admiral
Edward Russell. In 1694, he threw an officer's party that employed a
garden's fountain as the punch bowl.

The concoction? A mixture that included 250 gallons of brandy, 125 gallons
of Malaga wine, 1,400 pounds of sugar, 2,500 lemons, 20 gallons of lime
juice, and 5 pounds of nutmeg.

A series of bartenders actually paddled around in a small wooden canoe,
filling up guests' cups. Not only that, but they had to work in 15-minute
shifts to avoid being overcome by the fumes and falling overboard.

The party continued nonstop for a full week, pausing only briefly during
rainstorms to erect a silk canopy over the punch to keep it from getting
watered down. In fact, the festivities didn't end until the fountain had
been drunk completely dry.

*2. The London Brew-nami of 1814*

The Industrial Revolution wasn't all steam engines and textile mills. Beer
production increased exponentially, as well. Fortunately, the good people of
England were up to the challenge and drained kegs as fast as they were made.
Brewery owners became known as "beer barons," and they spent their newfound
wealth in an age-old manner -- by trying to party more than the next guy.

Case in point: In 1814, Meux's Horse Shoe Brewery in London constructed a
brewing vat that was 22 feet tall and 60 feet in diameter, with an interior
big enough to seat 200 for dinner -- which is exactly how its completion was
celebrated. (Why 200? Because a rival had built a vat that seated 100, of
course.)

After the dinner, the vat was filled to its 4,000-barrel capacity. Pretty
impressive, given the grand scale of the project, but pretty unfortunate
given that they overlooked a faulty supporting hoop. Yup, the vat ruptured,
causing other vats to break, and the resulting commotion was heard up to 5
miles away.

A wall of 1.3 million gallons of dark *beer<http://topics.cnn.com/topics/beer>
* washed down the street, caving in two buildings and killing nine people by
means of "drowning, injury, poisoning by the porter fumes, or drunkenness."

The story gets even more unbelievable, though. Rescue attempts were blocked
and delayed by the thousands who flocked to the area to drink directly off
the road. And when survivors were finally brought to the hospital, the other
patients became convinced from the smell that the hospital was serving beer
to every ward except theirs. A riot broke out, and even more people were
left injured.

Sadly, this incident was not deemed tragic enough at the time to merit an
annual memorial service and/or reenactment.

*3. New York state of mind: The Dutch ingratiate themselves to the natives*

In 1609, the Dutch sent English explorer Henry Hudson westward for a third
attempt at finding the fabled Northeast Passage. A near mutiny forced him
southward, and upon reaching land, he encountered members of the Delaware
Indian tribe.

To foster good relations, Hudson shared his brandy with the tribal chief,
who soon passed out. But upon waking up the next day, he asked Hudson to
pour some more for the rest of his tribe. From then on, the Indians referred
to the island as Manahachtanienk -- literally, "The High Island."

And not "high" as in "tall;" high as in "the place where we got blotto."
Most people would agree that Manhattan has stayed true to the spirit of its
name ever since.

*4. The worst aftertaste in history*

In 1805, British Admiral Horatio Nelson was killed during the Battle of
Trafalgar off the coast of Spain. Most sailors were simply put to rest at
sea, but as an admiral, Nelson had to be brought back to England for an
official burial.

To preserve his body during the voyage home, the second-in-command stored
Nelson's body in the ship's vat of rum and halted all liquor rations to the
crew. Not a bad idea, but when the ship reached port, officials went to
retrieve Nelson's body and found the vat dry.

Disregarding good taste (in every sense), the crew had been secretly
drinking from it the entire way home. After that, naval rum was referred to
as Nelson's Blood.

*5. Indian elephants raid the liquor cabinet*

No wonder they don't sell beer at the circus. Apparently, elephants like to
get wasted. In fact, an outpost of the Indian army in the jungle region of
Bagdogra has been under attack ever since a local herd of elephants raided
the base in search of food and discovered the soldiers' entire winter
rations of rum.

Since then, the pachyderms have regularly raided the base for a drink and
have smashed down all defenses put up by the army, including electrified
fences and firewalls.

According to The Daily Telegraph, "An officer recently posted there
explained that the elephants broke the rum bottles by cleverly curling their
trunks around the bottom. Then they empty the contents down their throats.
They soon got drunk, he said, and swayed around. They enjoy themselves and
then return to the jungle."

This is by no means a singular incident, though. The animal kingdom is
well-known for its ability to identify fruit that's begun to ferment.
Anthropologists even believe this is how early man discovered alcohol -- by
observing the strange behavior of animals on a fruit bender.

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