[Rhodes22-list] Olympics!

[Brad Haslett]

Hell yes!  If I was POTUS I'd be all over this! Brad


http://apnews.myway.com/image/20080809/OLY_Bush.sff_CHGH111_20080809013006.html?date=20080809&docid=D92EQ1S02


On Fri, Aug 8, 2008 at 10:34 PM, Brad Haslett <flybrad at gmail.com> wrote:

> In case you missed the opening ceremonies, I'm including a blow-by-blow
> summary by an Aussie blogger.  Here's a link to an article about the sailing
> venue.
>
>
> http://news.xinhuanet.com/english/2008-08/07/content_9018901.htm
>
> Qingdao is a beautiful city and attached is a photo of my niece from two
> years ago on the Qingdao coast (with a really neat beer cooler).
>
> Let the games begin!
>
> Brad
>  Tim Blair Friday, August 08, 2008 at 09:56pm
>
>
>  9.57pm: All is in readiness. An air of anticipation fills Beijing's
> National Stadium, replacing the need for any actual air.
>
> 10.00pm: It begins. The Chinese president celebrates by brazenly displaying
> a plastic bottle of water. Doesn't he know how bad those things are for the
> environment?
>
> 10.03pm: There are more drummers out there than in that old video clip for
> *Tusk*.
>
> 10.05pm: Text from a pal: "Leni Riefenstahl, call your office!"
>
> 10.06pm: That's the first time I've seen a fireworks display in the shape
> of pork chops.
>
> 10.08pm: Audio picks up Australian voices saying something about "moving
> boxes back". This is possibly not part of the official broadcast.
>
> 10.10pm: The tiny child is *lip-syncing!* These Olympic Games are ruined
> for me.
>
> 10.13pm: Utterly seamless ad break. Honestly, most viewers won't even have
> noticed.
>
> 10.18pm: "An ode to paper!" texts another pal. "It gets better." A modern
> dancer paints a picture of the sun, for the benefit of smog-shrouded
> Beijingers who've never seen it.
>
> 10.21pm: The march of the featherheads continues. Now we see the world's
> biggest keypad.
>
> 10.25pm: Those calligraphy monks have surrendered to the Giant Keyboard
> without a fight. For shame.
>
> 10.26pm: Bigmac in comments: "Honey, why don't you stop and ask for
> directions?" "Nonsense! This bamboo map is perfect!"
>
> 10.30pm: A refreshingly low-tech puppet show provokes laughter, for reasons
> inexplicable due to the cultural divide.
>
> 10.32pm: A castrated Muslim admiral (!) finally receives his long-overdue
> Olympic recognition.
>
> 10.35pm: The compass gets its moment to shine. Next: the set-square.
>
> 10.38pm: Nothing like a few bars of Peasant and Eastern music to get the
> crowd hollerin'.
>
> *• Fun Fact!* He doesn't mention it very often but Australian Prime
> Minister Kevin Rudd can speak Mandarin, which is a kind of language they use
> in China.
>
> 10.41pm: Now they're hailing China's invention of the vertical tube with
> people on top of them.
>
> 10.43pm: China's Liberace—"I wish my brother Chong Yeng was here, instead
> of in prison"—provides a piano lesson. Members of the minority Chinese neon
> community are drawn to him.
>
> 10.47pm: The dove of peace never looks better than when it has a bullet
> train speeding across it.
>
> 10.48pm: A Nikki Webster knock-off floats above the stadium as Liberace
> gets so animated he almost knocks his little protege off her chair.
>
> 10.50pm: The deadly Chinese martial art of tai chi. Not to be confused with
> the pleasant Indian drink, chai tea.
>
> 10.55pm: Global warming! The little children are chanting about it. I
> suppose this means the end to any more Chinese coal-fired powerplants.
> Commentator Ric Birch: "The children continue to paint in the hope the land
> will turn green again and the birds will come back." Apparently, the
> subsequent appearance of electronically-generated birds "reinforces the
> message of the green games".
>
> 10.59pm: Chinese spacenauts herald the Great Dome's arrival. Birch wonders
> if people on the Dome represent global population explosion.
>
> 11.01pm: Does that singer have the world's biggest neck or what? The guy,
> that is. Not Sarah Brightman.
>
> 11.07pm: Spin, Mongols! Spin!
>
> 11.09pm: There are *athletes* involved in this?
>
> *• Fun Fact!* In the Chinese alphabet, Australia starts with Z. So you
> won't see any Australians until 3.00am or so.
>
> 11.12pm: Greece, Turkey, Turkmenistan, the Maldives ... and bagpipes.
> Someone snuck some bagpipes in here.
>
> 11.14pm: Malta turns up and gets dissed for not winning a gold medal in 13
> Olympic Games.
>
> 11.15pm: Best costumes thus far: Marshall Islands, on their Olympic debut.
>
> 11.18pm: Sandy Roberts: "When you think of Bhutan, you think of archery."
>
> 11.20pm: Worst costumes: the Belgians.
>
> 11.22pm: Happiest team: the Israelis.
>
> 11.23pm: The Japanese team arrives. "They have an interesting relationship
> with China, over the years," muses Bruce McAvaney, "having invaded before
> World War II."
>
> 11.29pm: Correction to the above: Uruguay is the happiest team. Drug-test
> the two guys to the right of screen.
>
> 11.30pm: The Brazilians are wearing Gilligan hats. Impressively, one of the
> Brazilians also had an old-school film camera.
>
> 11.33pm: McAvaney: "I'm excited about Panama."
>
> 11.35pm: How many Cubans are there? It's like Miami.
>
> 11.38pm: The Luxembourg team are dressed for job interviews.
>
> 11.42pm: Judges handing down life sentences look less serious than Chad's
> pretty teenage flag-bearer. Take a lesson from the smilin' gal leading the
> Nigerians.
>
> *• Fun Fact!* The Beijing National Stadium holds 90,000 people, but this
> will be reduced to 81,000 after the Olympics. And all the executions.
>
> 11.48pm: Missed the team, but that last flag-bearer who wandered through,
> the 100kg guy, held his flagpole as though it were a toothpick.
>
> 11.51pm: McAvaney: "Wouldn't it be something if Nadal played Federer in the
> final? That would give tennis the boost it really needs." Yes; finally,
> tennis players might earn a living wage.
>
> 11.55pm: Six Iraqi athletes are here—and they won't be killed by Saddam
> Hussein's sons if they lose.
>
> 11.57pm: The Hungarians have turned up following a paintball championship.
>
> Midnight: WB in comments: "Bad uniform bilong Papua New Guinea." And from
> Razor: "Babe of the night - Gold to Brazil."
>
> 12.13am: Many national leaders have been shown waving as their teams enter
> the stadium. You know what that means when the Australians arrive ...
>
> 12.16am: Sarkozy welcomes the French. *Where's your wife?*
>
> 12.20am: Return of the bagpipes! Very appropriate, seeing as they piped in
> ... Kuwait.
>
> 12.25am: Putin barely acknowledges his own team's arrival. Possibly due to
> horror at those shirts. Oh, NOW he stands up and waves.
>
> 12.27am: Americans wearing golf caps. Says McAvaney of GWB: "He's pretty
> popular here." Apparently this is the first time a US President has appeared
> at an Olympic opening ceremony outside of the US.
>
> 12.30am: BEST SHIRTS: Virgin Islands.
>
> *• Fun Fact!* In topsy-turvy China, you find dissenters in landfill
> instead of newspapers.
>
> 12.32am: The Zimbabwean team appears. Adjusted for homeland inflation, they
> have a squad of twenty kabillion.
>
> 12.37am: "Algeria follows Saudi Arabia with the girls in skirts above the
> knee," comments Saint. "Go Algeria."
>
> 12.39am: The poor Chinese dancers lining the parade route are visibly
> tired.
>
> 12.48am: Sri Lanka arrives. When they appeared under that name at Munich in
> 1972, a puzzled commentator is reported to have said: "'Sri Lanka' must be
> West German for 'Ceylon'." Confusion over the name might be understandable,
> but *West German*?
>
> 12.52am: Sandy Roberts just invented a new sport: "Juding". It's a cross
> between judo and shooting.
>
> 12.55am: Someone in the crowd wolf-whistled the Swedes. UPDATE: The Mexican
> team gets even more whistles.
>
> 12.57am: Hey ... where are the Tibetans?
>
> 12.58am: New Zealand's flag-bearer is wearing an elk pelt.
>
> 12.59am: New happiest flag-bearer: Italy.
>
> 1.00am: The moment of the Rudd Wave draws ever closer.
>
> 1.05am: More bagpipes. This time for notorious bagpipe nation Moldova.
>
> 1.06am: Big cheers for Australia, led by 42-year-old James Tomkins. The
> Rudd wave is accomplished without injury.
>
> 1.09am: Chinese team arrives. Meanwhile, according to Bruce McAvaney, "the
> Australian team is lapping it up—*literally!*"
>
> 1.12am: The Australians are wearing tracksuits that look like they were
> designed for Ford racing pitcrews in the mid-90s. UPDATE: Infidel Tiger in
> comments: "Australia! Representing Seaworld!"
>
> 1.16am: China's flag-bearer, who is more than seven feet tall, is being
> very cautious and caring towards his tiny sub-teenage squad leader, making
> sure he doesn't get hit by the flag and gently guiding him to where he
> should walk. Nice.
>
> 1.19am: A drumming frenzy is underway. At least those bagpipes have been
> silenced.
>
> 1.23am: "No man is an island," writes Irobot in comments. "Except for the
> the flag bearer from Guam. What a unit."
>
> 1.24am: Fireworks—and *yet more* bagpipes. What's the deal? UPDATE: Junia
> in comments: "I swear I have heard bagpipes playing 'Scotland the Brave' at
> least 5 times."
>
> 1.26am: Judging by the music, we're either in for closing speeches or an *Iron
> Chef* playoff.
>
> 1.45am: The 29th Olympiad begins.
>
> 1.55am: Oh, I forgot the small matter of lighting the Olympic flame. A man
> of stout form carries the torch.
>
> 1.57am: Torch still carried.
>
> 1.58am: Now there are two torches and torch-carriers.
>
> 2.00am: A female athlete carrying the torch advances towards ... where?
>
> 2.01am: Another handover. Big man now has the torch. And he's ... *flying!
> *
>
> 2.02am: *He's performing an airborne lap of the entire freakin' stadium!*Watch him go!
>
> 2.04am: He hovers. He ponders. He *lights it*. The Olympic flame—more of
> an Olympic furnace—is ignited.
>
> 2.06am: Holey moley.
>
>
>