[Rhodes22-list] Military Personnel Solution

[Brad Haslett]

The recent change in the law (13DEC07) for retirement age of airline pilots
from 60 to 65 has really spooled-up the industry forums.  I stumbled across
this gem today on a very angry board and am just now able to stop laughing.
Brad

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I just had a thought which, if implemented, would probably eliminate the
"over 60" issue, while at the same time "eliminate" some really bad guys.
Here's my thought:

We should re-enlist guys over 60 in the Armed Forces.

I am over 60 and the military thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists.
(You can't be older than 42 to join the military.)

They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off
to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a
military unit until you're at least 35.

For starters:
Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only
think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000
additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a
dangerous soldier. "My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry!" We
are impatient and maybe letting us kill some assho!e that desperately
deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.

An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m.

Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said,
"I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up
killing some fanatical son-of-a-b!tch.

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put
them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and
yelled at and we like soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for
guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house,
away from the screaming and yelling. They could lighten up on the obstacle
course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall
with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after
completing basic training. I can hear the Drill Sgt. Now, "Get down and give
me ... ER ... One." Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy,
too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to
shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't
figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back
of his head. These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a
little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked us on
September 11. The last thing an enemy would want to see right now is a
couple of million p!ssed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons
who know that their best years are already behind them. If nothing else, put
us on the border and we will have it secured the first night.

So, there you go. Just a thought.