[Rhodes22-list] Politics

[Brad Haslett]

The label is in the interest of "truth in labeling".  This is a continuation
of the Carlin's death theme.  Life is strange, people are stranger!

Brad

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7 Words You Can't Say in Campaign 2008

June 29, 2008 - by Bridget Johnson

So here's my common ground with the late George Carlin: Besides heartily
affirming his treatise on "stuff," I think the Federal Communications
Commission is pretty useless. Or at least utterly humorous, given the June
2007 [1] press release<http://hraunfoss.fcc.gov/edocs_public/attachmatch/DOC-273602A1.pdf>in
which FCC Chairman Kevin Martin, bemoaning a 2nd Circuit Court of
Appeals
ruling that sided with Cher and Nicole Richie's on-air verbal malfunctions,
dropped the F-bomb four times and the S-bomb three times.

In fact, Carlin even got a cameo in Martin's rant: "In the 1978 Pacifica
case, the Supreme Court affirmed the Commission's finding that the broadcast
of comedian George Carlin's monologue about the 'seven dirty words you can't
say on TV and radio' was indecent," Martin wrote in one of the non-swearing
paragraphs. "In the case before the court today, the Commission was
restricting only the use of two of those seven words."

Like Carlin, I've wondered who decided that, out of all the words in the
English language, these are the chosen dirty few. I've wondered why using
technical language to describe dirty acts is permitted but the shorthanded
jargon is markedly more offensive. I've wondered why, if these words are so
destructive, they're in the dictionary, which comes with no R-rating or
parental warning (don't get any ideas, Martin). I've wondered if the
superior nature of HBO and Showtime series has anything to do with their
freedom to curse. I think too much, dammit.

But like those seven dirty words you can't say on TV ¡ª including the FCC
chairman's top picks ¡ª the culture of political correctness is swallowing
more and more of our "acceptable" lexicon. Especially in this
oh-so-sensitive campaign season, consider the "Seven Dirty Words You Can't
Say in Campaign 2008¡å: Pundits and voters alike, beware the rap of the
Politically Correct Commission!

   - *Swift boat:* If you split the compound term, the words are completely
   innocuous. Swift is always good, especially in L.A. traffic. Boat brings
   about pleasant thoughts of sailing along the ocean blue. Until Somali
   pirates come aboard, of course. Swift boats are good, because they get you
   to your destination on time. But Swift boat ought not to be uttered in
   conjunction with Campaign 2008. People start to twitch. John Kerry turns
   shades of scarlet. Liberals sing of dirty tactics and stolen election. And
   now, it doesn't even have to do with a boat. Bring up dirt from the past?
   Aw, man, you Swift boated me! Who cares if you never even served on one?


   - *Reverend:* It's good to revere and be revered. Didn't Machiavelli say
   something like that? But in Campaign 2008, the holy man isn't coming 'round
   to bless your house. If he baptized your kids, before or after the
   anti-American rant, you'd better find an electoral confessional. It'll taint
   you by pew association. Then your Pew numbers will plummet. Then the requiem
   for your political career. Oh, lordy Lord. Soon to be replaced by the word
   "Bible." Presidential hopefuls trying to be theologians. And doing a bad
   job.


   - *Experience:* Jimi Hendrix once asked if you were experienced. Not
   necessarily stoned, but beautiful. The campaign connotation isn't quite so
   colorful. It's just about experience, man. Do you press the button or not?
   Pakistani invasion? Why not? Who's the president of Russia? Who said voters
   shouldn't give you a learner's permit for running the country?


   - *Present:* Not the good kind of present. Not the one wrapped in a bow
   or slammed onto a gift card. It's the kind of noncommittal vote ¨C the
   non-vote that only serves to confirm one's existence on this Earth, or to
   denote that you're simply a seat-warmer in the state Senate. With big
   ambitions. Big, big, big ambitions. So just don't vote. Don't leave a paper
   trail, a shiny ribbon of proof of what your views really are. Just vote
   present. Nobody will ever know the difference. They'll just think you were
   too busy. Your mind was too occupied with all the cool votes you actually
   plan to cast in the future. Really.


   - *Hussein:* Both of 'em. Not allowed to say Barack Obama's middle name.
   It's kinda Muslimish sounding. And you wouldn't wanna do that. Because he
   goes to that church with the "God damn America" guy. Shouldn't that make you
   feel better? And mentioning the other Hussein is just as taboo. You know,
   Saddam. Can't remind anti-war voters that Saddam Hussein was bad. Really,
   really bad. Genocidal bad. Just keep cramming that being "present" ¨C eek! ¨C
   in Iraq for 100 years thing down voters' throats. With no correct context.


   - *Financing:* Buying a car? Nope. Buying a home? Nada. Buying an
   election? Of course! Just don't utter that F-bomb. Yeah, the guy said he'd
   take public financing if his opponent did. His opponent did. And now, Mr.
   Moneybags isn't. What, can't a guy change his mind? Especially when it suits
   him? Egads, I went and said the C-word there. You know which one.


   - *Change:* Not loose change. Not climate change. Mysterious change, like
   Marky Mark and his Funky Bunch running from the wind through the willows in
   *The Happening*. Good change is like morning in America. Bad change
   sucks. It's the word that sounds all juicy and hopeful, but can be a bigger
   letdown than the fourth *Indiana Jones*. The PCC chastises the chastising
   of candidates who liberally use this word without any explanation. Just feel
   good, man. And be present for that financing juggernaut.