[Rhodes22-list] Post-election Shocker (Political satire)

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(http://borowitzreport.list-manage.com/track/click?u=49de3335c30245ecd0fa291aa&id=32f69f25a5&e=b537b38177)             
November  4, 2008
Failure  to Blow Election Stuns Democrats 
Party  Faithful Mourn End to Losing Tradition
  

Just minutes after their party's longstanding losing  tradition lay in 
tatters on the ground, millions of  shell-shocked Democrats stared at their 
television screens in  disbelief, asking themselves what went right. 
For Democrats, who have become accustomed to their party  blowing an election 
even when it seemed like a sure thing,  Tuesday night's results were a bitter 
pill to swallow. 
The head-shaking and finger-pointing over the demise of the  Democrats' 
losing streak, which many of the party faithful had  worn like a badge of honor, 
reached all the way to the upper  echelons of the Democratic National Committee. 
"Believe me, I'm as shocked by these results as anybody,"  said DNC chief 
Howard Dean, who indicated he has received  hundreds of calls from incredulous 
party members.  "We did  everything in our power to screw this thing up." 
Dean pointed to several key elements the Democrats put in  place to ensure 
defeat, ranging from "a rancorous primary  campaign" to "the appointment of me." 
"Somehow, despite our best efforts to snatch defeat from the  jaws of 
victory, we won," he said.  "I came in here with a  mandate to blow this thing and I 
didn't get it done." 
Carol Foyler, a lifelong Democrat who owns a loom supply  store in Portland, 
Maine, said she has been "nearly catatonic"  since the election results were 
announced. 
"For the past eight years, I've fixed myself some herbal tea,  turned on NPR, 
and ranted about the Republicans," she  said.  "All that has been taken from 
me." 
Elsewhere, Sen. John McCain offered this comment on Sen.  Barack Obama's 
victory: "My friends, I've got him just where I  want him." 
    
Upcoming  Events
January  1, 2009 at 12:01AM 
Andy's  2009 Shows
Watch  this space for Andy's performances in 2009. 

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